Guest Blogger Chad Leabo Rants about Domestic Violence

Each time I hear about the way society views domestic violence it get’s my blood pressure up. Here in the west we do a lot of finger-wagging at cultures where women are not treated with the respect we think they should be afforded. I’m calling us (the western world) out on that.

Is it worse that girls in Africa are kidnapped for going to school? Yes. Is it worse that, in less-evolved parts of the Islamic world, girls are beaten or killed for going to school or learning to read? Yes. Is it worse that in many cultures, where arranged marriages exist and someone marries for love, ignoring the families’ social contracts, the woman is then killed to protect the family honor? Yes. Is it worse in places where girls are sold into sexual slavery? Yes (though it happens here too). Is it worse in south Asia and the middle-east that a woman can legally be punished for the “crime” of being raped. Absolutely.

However, as bad those places may be--and the treatment of women is abhorrent in those places in my opinion--we have a long, long way to go here as well.

Take the recent murder of a five year old girl in Leavenworth, KS last week. I’ve been following domestic violence (DV) related stories for years now, due to my wife’s job at Hope House. I can spot them in the news with a high degree of accuracy. You can too. When the report came out that a man had allegedly kidnapped a child and was led on a chase and he then allegedly killed the child when police had cornered him. I knew the story. It’s not unusual in cases of DV, especially if the woman is in the process of leaving, for the abuser to take her or even her kids out. That’s the most lethal time, when he thinks she is going to leave. It’s about control. Killing the mother’s kids is the ultimate abuse to a mother. Killing the mother herself is the ultimate control.

Women rarely get murdered. When they do, a vast majority of the time, DV is a factor. Then the victim blaming begins. This is the part that bothers me the most. I try to not read the reader comments on news stories because of the depressing ignorance and vengeance-airing that occurs in such forums. However, as I read that story’s comments I was not surprised by the comments of “why didn’t she leave him?” and, “they should charge her (the mother) too (in the death of the little girl).” In DV nobody every asks, “Why didn’t he stop abusing her?”

In DV situations where a man is abusing a woman, statistically she will leave seven times before actually leaving for good. Like I said, the time when she is leaving is highly dangerous. It’s a time of high lethality. If she has kids, whether they are his or not, she may come back or delay leaving for good because she may figure if she has to take a beating so her kids have a place to live, so be it. That’s sad but kind of admirable in a way. But one must remember that DV is learned behavior. Both parties likely witnessed it growing up. If you see that as part of life, you accept it, right or wrong.

Many people hide behind traditional social norms of the man being in charge. Many hide behind religious beliefs for women being subservient to men. But, when you strip it all away, are those views any less wrong than honor killings (which are backed up for the same reasons)?

Recently the NFL gave Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice a slap on the wrist for knocking his the fiancée unconscious at an Atlantic City casino. He got a two game suspension. Two games. Had he been busted for steroids he’d have gotten twice that. What does that teach little boys about consequences? What does that teach little girls about their value? She didn’t press charges. Why didn’t she press charges? Remember this is learned behavior. This is part of life for her. Sadly I predict she will be hit again. Will she live in luxury? Yes, not that that matters in the long run. Most women who are survivors of DV do not live that lifestyle.

They live in your neighborhood. They work with you. They go to church with you. They’re in some part of your family. About 50 percent of the human population of planet Earth is carrying XX chromosomes (that means they’re women FYI). One in four of those women will experience some type of DV (emotional, or physical) in her lifetime. Those are your daughters, friends, nieces (my wife and I have five nieces), granddaughters...DV crosses all socio-economic and racial lines. Let us not throw away half of the population.

Breaking the cycle of DV is the most important part of fixing the problem. Boys who witness abuse are more than twice as likely to be abusers. Yet programs, which try to intervene and mitigate the damage done to these young witnesses, are poorly funded and not far-reaching enough. At times it’s like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with rocks.

Shelters are the last resort for victims of DV. Survivors go there after they’ve exhausted all other options, like family and friends. In the KC metro, organizations like Hope House, Rosebrooks, Safehome, etc., also serve as court advocates, and have legal outreach programs too. They help get women out of dangerous situations. It would be awesome if places like those didn’t have to exist. But they do. No court advocate or anyone on their legal team has a day without multiple cases. Not one bed goes unused in the shelter. Ever.

Supporting entities which try to stop or prevent domestic violence is not sexy. The DV shelter in your community is not fancy. It needs money to keep its doors open. Not your cast-off out of date clothes and broken TVs. The well-heeled in your city don’t get giddy over having their name on the building which protects abused humans. The DV shelter in your community is not a warm and fuzzy charity. Domestic violence is a scary, disturbing and sometimes confusing topic. It is real life and death. I sometimes wonder if Sarah McLachlan (who I love) did PSAs which showed women (and men) with broken wrists, bruised faces, and cigarette burned skin if it would help. Probably not. The ignorant would blame the victim again. It takes time to break out of DV relationships. Sometimes people need a little help. Stop blaming the victims and let them become survivors.

Parents it’s up to you. Your kids are little sponges. Teach them respect. Teach them to communicate. Teach them boundaries. Teach them right and wrong. Give your kids good examples. It’s on you. In the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, “…teach your children well.”

Chad Leabo

Happy New Year

The New Year is almost here. This is a great time to celebrate the possibilities and reflect on what was and what is yet to be.

We are excited about the coming year and all that it has to offer all of us. We continue to work hard to create new programming that will meet the needs of our clients and offer the best possible services.

We are grateful to everyone who has been a part of our family and look forward to our continued work together this next year. We have so many wonderful volunteers and supporters who are so giving of their time and resources. It truly does make a difference.

I continue to be in awe of the strength of those we serve. They have strength beyond words. They are not only surviving but they are thriving. I am grateful to them for their courage and look forward to what the New Year has in store for us. I know it will be positive and full of blessings.

I wish you all a Happy New Year!

 

I Love My Job

I love my job. I get to experience something new every day and have the opportunity to enjoy the smiles and the joys of accomplishments and achievements. Those times just make me smile.

The other day I was in our parking lot going to my car to go to a meeting. I was running late and was preoccupied. But I stopped in my tracks and smiled when I saw this young boy bound out of a cab that was returning him from his day at school.


His younger sister was waiting for him. She squealed with delight when she saw him, started jumping up and down and said, “I am so glad to see you! How was your day?!”

His mother was standing there as well, and met him with a big hug and a smile. They were so excited to see each other, that they didn’t notice me there. That was a good thing, since I got teary-eyed and emotional.

I am so happy that we are able to provide a safe place for families to be where they can focus on healing and enjoying the simple pleasures in life. Young ones can go about the business of learning; coming home from school is a time to celebrate. Families are able to focus on rebuilding their lives and moving on from the trauma they have experienced.

We would not be able to provide the opportunity for this growth to take place without the support of our community. Thank you to each of you who have helped us grow and thrive. To all of you who provide your time, your talents, and your resources, we are grateful.

The result of your contributions is evident everyday in the lives of the people we work with.

Domestic Violence and Financial Freedom

Imagine you’ve just run from your home in fear, with your children at your side. You’ve moved into a shelter, so you’re living with a bunch of strangers. You feel safe for the first time in a long time, but then the reality sets in: “What am I going to do for money?”

Your abusive partner didn’t allow you to have a job, or handle the finances. At first, you thought that was a dream come true. Now you realize it was all about controlling and isolating you. You haven’t held a job in years, and have never paid bills.

This is a typical scenario for Hope House clients. That’s why, with the support of The Women’s Foundation, we offer a Self Sufficiency Program. The advocates that lead the program work with our clients individually and in groups to help them learn about how to handle their money, and increase their employability. 

In a 2009 study examining issues of concern to women in the Kansas City area, women identified “employment and finance” as the second most important issue facing them today. Within that category, participants identified the importance of job training, access to long-term employment, financial education, and accessible transportation.

Survivors of domestic violence face these same struggles in addition to living in constant fear. The financial cost of leaving an abusive partner can be overwhelming. Once a woman leaves her partner, she becomes solely responsible for providing for her family. 

In Hope House’s most recently completed fiscal year, 10/1/10 – 9/30/11, the average annual income for families sheltered at Hope House was only $4,447 without financial support from the abuser; 93% were below poverty; 54% reported no income at all.

With little or no income, it is impossible for many survivors to immediately be self-sufficient and provide for the basic needs of food, shelter, and adequate healthcare coverage for themselves and their children.

Through the Self-Sufficiency Program, Hope House offers survivors of domestic violence an opportunity to gain both knowledge and skills in financial literacy and job readiness. With these new skills available to her, a mom can now support her kids.

She doesn’t have to wonder if she should return to her abuser because she had no other way to pay the bills. She’s empowered to start a new life, free from abuse.

Back to School

Well, it’s that time of the year… kids, as well as some adults, are heading back to school. I cannot believe how fast this summer has flown by.

It is exciting to see the seasons ready to change, school beginning and all of the hope and expectation that comes with starting something new.

We’re grateful for our ability to offer school supplies to each child entering school in the fall. They don’t have to go to school worrying about being labeled because they live in a shelter, or they don’t have enough money for supplies.

Our goal is that the children go to school without stress and worry about their living arrangements or what is going on in their lives. They need to focus on themselves and their school work, not finances, shelter, food, etc.

With the graciousness and generosity of our community, Hope House doesn’t have to worry about that either. There is enough for everyone to go to school equipped and ready to learn.

Children are resilient and have such hope and wonder about the world. This optimism can be dampened when there is trauma and crisis in their world. We work hard to help them find it again and bring it back to life.

Good luck to all of our students no matter what age they are. My hope is they have a very successful school year filled with new knowledge and excitement.

He Has A Crush On You

I happened across a blog posting that I thought was brilliant and so on target. The blog is called Views from the Couch, written by the Queen of the Couch. The topic for her post this particular day was called "You Didn’t Thank Me for Punching You in the Face".  As you can imagine, that caught my attention so I read the blog and all I could say was, “Yes! Way to go!” What a brilliant way to discuss the concept of how we talk to our young children about abusive behaviors.

This blog was about how, as little girls, many of us were taught that when young boys pull our hair, hit or tease us, their behavior is excused because it means “he likes you”. 

The blogger shares an experience of her daughter having her bracelets physically stolen off of her arm by a classmate. She went to the school to address the incident with the teacher. The teacher responded by smiling and explaining it away to her daughter by saying “he probably has a crush on you”.  

When we teach our children that this type of behavior is acceptable and a form of flattery, we are setting our children up to fail, both boys and girls. We need to teach our children that when we like someone, we show them that in respectful ways, not verbally and physically abusive ways.

When abusive behaviors are considered forms of flattery, we perpetuate the notion that violence, whether verbal or physical, is okay, teaching long standing patterns of behavior that are destructive to children and adults. How do you go from learning the behavior is flattery as a young child, to knowing as an adult that it isn’t flattery, but abuse? You don’t without a great deal of difficulty.

As I have said many times before, the only way we are going to stop abuse is to break the cycle with our children by teaching appropriate behavior and boundaries. If a boy doesn’t know how to show a girl he likes her, then let’s teach him the right ways rather than condoning abusive behaviors and setting up long term inappropriate patterns of behavior.

If you want to read the entire blog post I mentioned earlier, you can read it here. ALERT: This blog contains a great deal of cursing, if you are opposed to this type of language, I would urge you not to read this blog.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

One of these four girls will experience domestic violence in their lives.
Photo by memoossa @ sxc.hu.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Every year in October programs across the country work to bring more awareness to this devastating issue that affects so many people in our country and across the world.

At least 1 in 4 women at some time in their life will be a victim of domestic violence. That means if I stood in a room with my mother, sister, and one co-worker, one of us will have been touched by domestic violence! It’s shocking when you put it in perspective like that.

For so long this issue has stayed behind closed doors. It was never discussed because it was a “family issue”. The more we can do to bring it into the light, the closer we are to ending it. 

Even if you are not in a relationship that is violent, this is an issue that affects us all. Why? Because the cost of domestic violence to the US economy is more than $8.3 billion¹. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity (time away from work and getting less done for not being able to focus on work).

On top of the economic issues, domestic violence is everyone’s issue because we have an obligation to look out for our fellow human beings. It’s not ok that people live in terror every day. It’s not ok that children are afraid of their fathers (or mothers).  It’s not ok that a teenage girl is hounded with hundreds of texts from her boyfriend asking “where are you?” and “who are you with?”  

By bringing attention to the issue, we are also letting people know that help is available. Please visit our website: www.hopehouse.net to see what you can do to get involved. Lives depend on it.

1Max W, Rice DP, Finkelstein E, Bardwell RA, Leadbetter S. The economic toll of intimate partner violence against women in the United States. Violence and Victims 2004;19(3):259-72.)

Back to School

Photo by gugacurado @ sxc.hu

It seems like just yesterday I was writing about how kids spend their summer days in shelter and now it’s back to school time. As we say goodbye to summer, we welcome the fall and the new schedules that it brings to shelter.

When a family comes to shelter, one of the first tasks is to enroll the children in school. When deciding on where her children will go to school, Mom has to weigh the risks of the children attending their home school versus the challenges that come with starting in a new school.

It is so important to get the children into a routine and get their schedules in order. This structure can help the children feel “normal” and feel like they have some control. Living in a home where there is domestic violence can create chaos and a feeling of being out of control. It’s amazing how normalcy, routine and structure can really help a child to feel calm and more relaxed in their environment. 

Photo by hvaldez1 @ sxc.hu

When kids are dealing with trauma and violence at home, they often struggle in school, finding it hard to focus and stay on top of things. Once in shelter, there is a focus on helping to make school a priority and addressing any educational issues that children are facing.

We always have a need for volunteer tutors to help the children get caught up and to work with those who are struggling and facing challenges. If you can spare some time to help a child with their schoolwork, please contact Gretchen at 816-257-9342 or gschmitz@hopehouse.net.

Summer in Shelter

Photo by kevinrohr @ sxc.hu

For those of us in Missouri and most places around the country this has been a scorcher of a summer. We’ve tried hard to make this hot weather as bearable as possible for those who are in shelter. We’re grateful that the air conditioning has worked most of the summer… just one outage for a few hours, and it was fixed immediately.

Besides the heat, what exactly happens around shelter in the summer? The same things that happen at your home in the summer: parents work, some kids go to summer school, and other kids play and enjoy their time off from school.

We strive to make the summer as much fun as possible for the kids staying here. We have water play days where they can run through sprinklers, and play on Slip ‘N’ Slides. They ride their bikes all over the campus.  You can hear them squealing as they see the fish swimming around in the water garden. They even go on field trips. But mostly, they do what kids do everywhere: they have fun.

There are some up sides to being in shelter. There is always someone to play with and always someone to talk to. It seems that boredom isn’t an option for our kids; there are too many things going on and too many fun possibilities.

Kids in shelter also have the opportunity to spend time with the Children’s Therapist. This can be very fun; working through issues and obstacles doesn’t have to be a chore.  It can be done through art and play and is just as therapeutic and long lasting as other traditional forms of therapy. This time with the therapist allows the children time to focus on themselves, and their needs, and to work through the issues of the trauma that has gone on in their lives.

I’m grateful we’re able to provide the children with everything they need so that they can focus on what they need to be doing: just being kids.

Guardian Program

Today’s guest blogger is Kelli Stallman, Coordinator for the Guardian Program.
 

Hope House’s Guardian Program provides supervised visitation or exchange for non-custodial parents and their children. Our client families are mainly ordered into supervised visits by Adult Abuse Courts, Family Court, or Children’s Division.

These families have issues that range from domestic violence, child abuse, substance abuse, mental health issues, or a parent never having been in a child’s life.

 

Because of the many problems that are faced by these families, the Program is arranged so that custodial and non-custodial parents park in different parking lots, and arrive at different times to avoid any chance meetings.

We have therapists supervise the visits between the non-custodial parent and the child. An off-duty police officer is on site at all times. The families receive an hour of visitation a week free of charge, and can schedule additional time for a fee.

 

As the Coordinator for the Guardian Program, I have the pleasure of working directly with the survivors of domestic violence, as well as their children who have witnessed the violence between parents.

 

Often times, the children have themselves been victims of some type of abuse. The Guardian Program staff also work directly with the non-custodial parent, which is often the identified abuser. My job is extremely rewarding. I watch the kids grow and change, and see them heal from the abuse they have seen and experienced.

 

When I have a child from the program run up to give me a hug and a huge smile, it hits home why I do the job I do. How often do you get a card from a child you barely know thanking you for what you do, or drawing you a personal Christmas card? I am fortunate to receive several of these every year.

 

Sometimes what is thought of as the hardest job, by nature of its requirements, can be the most rewarding. I look forward to the drawings, the hugs, and the smiles that greet me when the kids come in. That is what I look forward to each day.

Does a Victim Ever Feel Safe?

I am often asked if a victim of domestic violence ever feels safe. From my perspective the answer isn’t a simple one - just like everything else with domestic violence. The hard truth is that many survivors of domestic violence do not ever fully feel safe. They take steps to protect themselves and to free themselves from their abuser, but are constantly looking over their shoulders and always on alert.

If children are involved there can be a level of fear the entire time the parents have to have interaction regarding the children. Children can be used as a means of control and if custody orders require visits then interaction can be frequent and the level of fear more constant.

Women have fled their home states and moved across the country only to be found and the torment to start again. The feeling of safety ebbs away even more each time a phone number has to be changed or relocation is necessary. Even work can be a place of fear if the abuser knows the location and waits in the parking lot for his current or former partner to walk to her car at lunch or after work.

Women have told me that they only felt safe while their abuser was in prison or after their abuser passed away. Only then did the feeling of safety truly come to them.

Yes, some survivors of domestic violence are able to feel safe and go about their lives without the feeling of constant fear. I am happy for them and thankful for whatever part Hope House or other services might have played in helping that become a reality.

The sad fact is that the level of fear can depend on the abuser and his willingness to stop the abuse. Is he willing to stop tormenting her and let her live her life in peace? The responsibility lies with the abuser, not the victim. His actions, and the level at which he is held accountable for those actions, make all the difference.

Winter Weather

 

With crazy winter weather this year, we at Hope House must be very aware of all the things that can go wrong which can have a huge impact on our clients living in shelter and those coming to us for services. We implement emergency contingencies and go into hyper-planning mode to ensure that we are prepared if the worst case scenario happens. 

First and foremost, our responsibility is to those who are living with us and depend on us for their shelter and daily living needs. With school closings, we need to be prepared with enough food, as we’ll have the children here all day and will be feeding more than we normally would on a weekday.  

We need to have back up plans for electrical outages and emergency staffing plans for those who are working in shelter and those who cannot get in to relieve them. We do intakes and proceed as any other day, just like any other 24-hour facility. 

Our shelter and facilities staff outdid themselves this past storm. I am so appreciative of all of them and the way they handled the situation. They approached it with enthusiasm and determination. Shelter staff prepared themselves to stay for the long haul, and stay they did, doing 24+ hour shifts. They were real troopers. 

Facilities staff came in with shovels and the wonderful snow blowers that we received from our donors. They went to work first on the cars of the shelter staff so that they could go home as relief had arrived, then they went to work on the parking lots and sidewalks so people could get around.  

I am grateful to every one of them for their efforts and their dedication. They truly are heroes in my book.  We can’t stop doing what we do because of the weather and I am grateful for the staff who keep it all going.

Go Green

 

How can you have a direct and positive impact on the lives of thousands of women and children you may never meet? By going green, you can give green (funds) to support the daily operations of Hope House.

We have partnered with Global Re-Source Funding (GRF) and we’re delighted to offer the opportunity for businesses, schools, churches and other organizations to collect recyclables to support our services and programs for victims of domestic violence.

By collecting inkjet and laser/toner cartridges, cell phones, laptops, GPS devices, digital cameras and iPods, you will be raising money to help Hope House create a safe environment and supportive services for the thousands of  victims of domestic violence who take advantage of these services each year.

The best part of this program is that you can support Hope House simply by asking for a donation of items (not cash!) that most people discard anyway. Your impact can be substantial. Here’s a partial list of the donation Hope House can receive for your recyclables:

Inkjet cartridge: $4

Toner/laser cartridge: $12

Laptop: $35

Cell phones/iPods: $100

GRF provides free recycle bins and marketing materials. They will deliver the bin(s) to you, and will pick them up when they’re full. It couldn’t be easier for you to help us!

Simply contact Lee at Hope House at 816-257-9363 or lmarlin@hopehouse.net, or go to GRF’s website (http://www.globalre-sourcefunding.com/) to sign up directly.

From all of us at Hope House and Global Re-Source Funding, thank you for going green and giving green (cash, through GRF’s donation back to Hope House!) to support our mission to break the cycle of domestic violence.  

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!! 2011 is just two days away, and we are gearing up for it to be a great year.

We are so excited to be planning our grand opening for the new therapy building and for all of the renovations and changes that have happened on the Independence campus. It is a beautiful, calming atmosphere; a perfect environment for healing to take place.

We continue to be forward thinking in our plans for this year. We will continue to enhance our programming through grants that we have received. It is so exciting to be able to hire back staff and enhance the quality of our programming. We have been operating at lower staffing levels but continuing to have increased demand. This can take a toll on the staff, to be able to provide relief for them is such a thrill.

Last year we turned away more than we served in shelter; hopefully this year will be different. We will continue to offer services to as many as we can through all of our programming and minimize the numbers who are turned away. We will continue to advocate at the state and national level to make sure that the needs of those impacted by domestic violence are heard and addressed.

We remain positive that our work is making a difference in the lives of women and children. I heard from a former resident not too long ago who said, “Hope House saved me.” I said, “No, you saved yourself. We just helped.” I plan to continue to offer services that help women in their journey to reclaim themselves and move on to lives free of abuse.

I hope you will stay with me on this journey as we see what 2011 brings for us.

The Guardian Program

In domestic violence situations, visitation and exchange of children is a very dangerous time. Knowing that the custodial parent is obligated to honor the court order allowing visitation, the abuser often uses the opportunity to continue to stalk, abuse and to terrorize the victim/custodial parent.

Knowing this, Hope House started the Guardian Program in November of 2002. Our program is designed so that visits and exchanges are safe for everyone. The custodial and the non-custodial parents arrive separately, park in separate parking lots, and leave at different times so that there can be no opportunity for abuse or stalking to occur.

The program consists of a Program Coordinator, therapists, and an off-duty police officer who is there to ensure everyone’s safety.

The program has three components:

1) The exchange of children when there is no court order for supervised visits. This most often occurs Wednesday evenings, and/or Friday evenings for weekend visits with the kids returning on Sunday. In exchanges the children are taken from the custodial parent to the non-custodial parent by the staff person; the parents never interact.

2) When the court has ordered the visits to be supervised, the program is able to offer two levels of supervised visits.

     a. The first is less intensive and can be offered in a group setting with other families.

     b. In more severe situations, a judge may order that the non-custodial parent can’t be around any other children. In those situations, the visit would be limited to just the one family.

The Guardian Program has offered safety, support and hope to hundreds of children as they visit with their non-custodial parent. It gives them the opportunity to begin the healing process, and if they desire, to rebuild a relationship with the offending parent; the choice is theirs.

Kids' Birthdays in Shelter

Photograph from pxleyes.wordpress.com

Do you remember what it was like to celebrate your birthday as a child? For some of us there was anticipation of presents; perhaps a party with balloons, streamers and party hats. Of course there was a cake with candles and ice cream, and friends and family taking pictures and singing Happy Birthday.

I believe birthdays are a precious thing and need to be celebrated to the fullest. It is your special day and for 24 hours you get to be reminded of just how wonderful you are.

At Hope House we work very hard to ensure that everyone realizes just how special they are every day, but especially on their birthdays. With the help and generosity of our donors, we have new toys and gifts available so Moms can pick out the perfect presents and wrap them for their birthday child. Kids are able to do the same thing for their moms who are celebrating their special day.

We had a donor that loved birthdays and always made them very special for her children. When she passed, her children set up a fund in her name that is to be used to purchase birthday cakes for kids who are in shelter. This allows these kids the opportunity to blow out the candles on a decorated cake, and have a group of people sing a rousing “Happy Birthday to You”. They get to have a very special moment that is theirs alone.

Safe Family Coalition

Domestic violence and child abuse often occur together. Before 2001 there were many agencies that addressed each of these problems as separate issues. At times, these agencies seemed to work against each other, potentially putting women and children in greater danger of harm.

To address this problem, the Jackson County Safe Family Coalition (SFC) was formed. Their mission is to provide a coordinated community response to child abuse and domestic violence that will provide safety, enhance well-being, and provide stability for children and families.

SFC is made up of the many agencies that are involved when domestic violence and child abuse occur together:

• child protection workers
• adult and family courts
• county and city prosecutors
• judges
• domestic violence shelters
• law enforcement
• probation and parole
• social workers
• mental health services providers

SFC has challenged all of the participating agencies to look at our systems and change operations with the SFC mission as a guide. The best way to keep children safe is to keep the non-offending parent safe. This is accomplished by:

• Holding the perpetrator accountable for their actions.
• Providing meaningful help, support, and services for families who are experiencing child abuse and domestic violence.
• Providing legal interventions and services that stop violence and abuse.

SFC has committed to educate agencies and their staffs about resources that are available when they recognize cases of domestic violence with child abuse. SFC also seeks to engage the community by creating awareness about the need to provide a comprehensive array of services that will respond to the unique strengths and concerns of families.

Hope House has been a proud partner of this coalition and will continue coming to the table to keep children and the non-offending parent safe. We are very grateful that so many partners have joined us to make a difference in our communities.

For more information about the Safe Family Coalition, please visit their website http://www.jcsafefamily.org/.

Construction Update

The Hope House Independence campus is full of activity with construction happening all around us. The renovation to the living area of shelter is complete and the clients have moved back in. The transformation is amazing.

The meeting space for intakes is now private and we have room for the children to play separate from mom but yet still visible through a glass wall. The little ones won’t have to be exposed to the questions and the responses but will still feel safe since mom is right there in their sight. There is expanded storage and a better flowing work space for the staff.

The daycare playground will be the next project started. We will expand the playground to have a separate space for the really young kids to be able to play and crawl around without worry about the bigger kids tripping over them. We will be installing a new playground structure and a trike trail for the little ones to ride their bikes in a safe enclosed space.

Work will continue on the new Therapy building with the anticipated completion date at the beginning of 2011.

Thank you to everyone who participated in our capital campaign that has allowed this work to happen. It is a gift that we are extremely grateful for and will treasure always. We are committed to providing quality services to those in need and the work in this campaign will assist us in doing that in an environment that lends itself to the healing process.

My Lilith Fair Experience

Sarah McLachlan presents MaryAnne
Metheny with a $4000 check.

I was lucky enough to represent Hope House at the Lilith Fair last week at the Capital Federal Park at Sandstone. 

As we’ve discussed in recent blogs, $1 from every ticket sold to the Kansas City Lilith Fair as given Hope House, who was chosen through a Choose Your Charity contest on Facebook. We received $4,000 to help us in our mission to break the cycle of domestic violence.


See our Lilith Fair pictures here.

Lilith Fair and its organizer Sarah McLachlan have been receiving negative publicity and questions regarding the necessity of Lilith Fair and if it makes sense to do it again after such a long hiatus.

Times have changed since the last Lilith Fair but does that mean it shouldn’t happen again? Yes, ticket sales are down and some tour sites have had to be cancelled, but that is happening to all concerts, unfortunately. I wish the economy was better and that people had more disposable income that they could use for entertainment such as the Lilith Fair.

It was an incredible experience and I feel sad that more people were not there to take part in it. Everyone else missed out on an amazing experience and remarkable music. In an interview on NPR, Sarah McLachlan said “it is not about ticket sales, it's about the experience of Lilith — about artists getting together to make this world a better place.”

In the same interview Sarah said, "that's one of my greatest passions: women and children. Anybody who doesn't have their own voice, or doesn't know how to reach out and have their own voice and help themselves in a bad situation. And, yes, there's a lot of horrible things going on all over the world, but as individuals, I think we all have to focus on our own gifts and our own values and bring those forth to the world the best we can.”

How perfect for Hope House to be the recipient of funds from an organization with such passion and concern for women and children. I have always felt that the mission of Hope House is to help women find their voice after it has been lost or taken away. How inspiring that Sarah feels the same way and through her advocacy and her willingness to work hard, she has helped us to do that.

I appreciate her focusing her gift of music to help others and feel incredibly fortunate that we were chosen to be Lilith’s charity. It was a wonderful experience and I would say to the naysayers: go to the concert, enjoy and don’t inject negativity into a group of people who are trying to make a difference in our world.

Theraplay - Enhancing the Bond Between Mother and Child

This week’s guest blogger is Thada Pulliam, one of Hope House’s Child Therapists.

When women arrive at Hope House with their children, there is often a disconnect between them. Mom may have been distancing herself from her child in order to keep her abuser's attention off the child and focused on her.

One of our goals when working with our clients is to enhance attachment, trust, self-esteem and joyful engagement between a mom and her child. To accomplish this, we use Theraplay.

Theraplay is a structured play therapy that focuses on attachment and relationship development.

Theraplay treatment can involve:

• Structured activities such as 1) the 3-legged race where the mom is providing direction; 2) mom directing the child to copy her eye or hand movements.

• Engaging activities:  1) the child hides a cotton ball within their clothes and mom must find it; 2) hand games such as creating a special hand shake, or playing patty cake.

• Nurturing activities:  1) mom checks the hands, arms, legs and feet for hurts, and then applies lotion with soft strokes while singing a lullaby; 2) while applying lotion to feet, mom recites “this little piggy”.

• Challenge activities: 1) mom places an item such as a book or pillow on the child for the child to balance; 2) thumb wrestling.

As a result of these activities, we hope to re-establish a sense of specialness, togetherness and fun between mom and her child.