Domestic Violence Apps

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to visit with Lara Moritz from Channel 9 about the apps that have been developed for domestic violence victims. Apps are a great way to connect with people especially those in their teens and 20’s. Communicating electronically is so commonplace now no one even thinks about it. Emails, texts, Instagram, facebook, twitter and apps are all ways that the majority of people are now communicating with each other.

There are many apps out there for those affected by domestic violence. Some are geared towards educating the public about DV, some to help discern if you are in an abusive relationship, others are for medical professionals in hospitals, doctors’ offices and clinics to help make assessments of DV victims and refer them to resources, and others are focused on safety and/or immediate shelter for victims.

There was actually a challenge back in 2011 from the Department of Health & Human Services and the White House encouraging the development of applications to provide college students and young adults with tools to help prevent dating violence and sexual assault. It had some very good, specific criteria that included check-ins with trusted friends, privacy and safety, and DV resources. It produced two first place winners—OnWatch and Circle of 6—and had over 30 entries, many of which are now on the market.

Here are some apps we have learned about that offer resources, safety plans and tips on how to talk to your children:

Aspire News - ASPIRE News is a free application which contains summaries of top stories in world, sports, and entertainment news, from the When Georgia Smiled: Robin McGraw Foundation. If someone is in an abusive relationship, the Help Section of the application contains resources for victims of domestic violence. * We couldn’t get it, but had reports from one client that it never worked well for them.  

SafeNight - SafeNight provides support to people seeking urgent shelter. The support requests come from trained staff and volunteers at domestic violence service organizations, ensuring best practices for the safety of all individuals are followed.

One Love - An anonymous, free application, the One Love MyPlan determines if a relationship is unsafe and helps to create the best action plan by weighing an individual’s unique characteristics and values. In partnership with LoveisRespect.org, the app provides access to trained advocate support 24/7 through an embedded live chat function.

Love is Not Abuse - Launched in August 2011 by Break the Cycle, the Love is Not Abuse app is an educational resource for parents that demonstrates the dangers of digital dating abuse and provides much needed information on the growing problem of teen dating violence and abuse. It also has an interactive tool that simulates digital dating abuse.

VINE (Victim Information & Notification Everyday) - Allows you to search for offenders that are currently incarcerated in the state. The victim can register to be notified when the offender is released and/or about any upcoming court dates for the offender’s case. So, if a client’s abuser was arrested at their home and the victim came in to shelter, she could register through the VINElink website or app and she would receive notification when the abuser posts bail, etc.

Kitestring - It’s a safe call service. Start a trip on Kitestring (either on the website or via SMS), and we’ll text you later to make sure you’re okay. Reply to the message (or check in on the website) within 5 minutes and all is well. If you don’t check in, we’ll alert a list of emergency contacts that you set up ahead of time. Of course, you can always extend your ETA or check in early.

Strength and Perseverance

It is amazing to me how strong people can be and what they can overcome. I have been watching the news intently on the escape of the three women in Ohio who were kidnapped as young girls and who have now been reunited with their families. I was glued to the television to get every new piece of information on their stories of survival.

I am truly inspired by them and all of the people who have survived tragedy and horrific experiences and have gone on to thrive. The video they posted was so moving it brought me to tears. What strength those women have! How touched I am for their ability to reclaim their lives.

I often wonder how I would react/cope if I was confronted with the tragic and horrific experiences our clients and others face on a daily basis. Would I have the strength to leave? Would I have the strength and inner guidance to know when to make the move, or when to break out the door and scream at the neighbor passing by for help as Amanda did? Those who have survived have tapped into that inner knowing and that inner strength and found what it takes to make those really difficult and life saving decisions.

I am grateful to all of the survivors of tragedy for their wisdom, their ability to persevere, for their ability to forgive, to work through the emotions and come out on the other side. I am so happy those three young women have their lives ahead of them with their families. Congratulations to them for having the strength to make it through. I pray that all of those who are faced with tragedy that they can have outcomes similar to Amanda, Gina and Michelle.

I am grateful that Hope House is here to help people in domestic violence situations. We couldn’t do it without our supporters. I am aware it takes everyone working together to bring about change.  Hopefully there will be a day when there is no violence, no kidnappings and murders. Until then, thank you for helping us help others.

YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG0WePdZoxg

"Why don't they just leave?" Guest blog from DV Detective Nancy Willis of Raytown PD

Before stepping into the boots of Law Enforcement I had a misconception of what the job of a Police Officer was. I went into my Law enforcement career as wide eyed gal who wanted to have a really cool job, make a difference and do something meaningful with my life. When I became a Police Officer I had no idea what the job was really about. I could talk about so many aspects of the job from Crime scenes and car chases to robberies and home invasions. But I would rather focus on something more reoccurring…Domestic Violence.  

Being a new cop means taking all the high profile calls in order to gain experience. The one thing I experienced time after time was Domestic Violence calls. Whether it be an argument or whether it be an assault with serious injuries. Time after time I would go to the same house for the same thing but under different circumstance. I would ask my fellow Officer’s why don’t they just leave. The only answer I ever got was an easy one: "I dunno”. Instead of trying to understand that question I found myself becoming frustrated that I was dealing with the same people over and over again. I found myself becoming insensitive…Until I finally asked the victim’s, “Why don’t you just leave”. I got many different answers. Honest answers. From those answers, I began to share what I learned from the victims of Domestic Violence with my fellow officers. 

For many people it’s hard to understand why victims don’t leave the situation they are in. I try to tell those people that there is more to it than that. There are more things to think about after the police have left the incident and after the abuser has gone to jail. The abuser will get out of jail and the revolving door of life will be in motion once again for those victims. There are children to take care of, jobs to show up on time for and responsibilities that cannot go unattended. For those fortunate enough to escape death from an abuser their life has to go on. For the life that keeps going, Hope House is there to help pick up the pieces. Hope House is there whenever the woman needs them no matter how many times she may need them. They are always there with open arms ready for anyone. Hope House gives victim’s the tools they need to escape their abuser without disrupting their life more than it has already. Since the Police cannot stay with victims to be their body guards, Hope House can keep them safe. The victim just has to take their hand.

Every time I went to a Domestic Violence related call I offered Hope House’s services. I tell victim’s everything that Hope House could do for them so they wouldn’t be a victim any longer. I tell victim’s that the violence will progressively get worse. I tell victim’s stories of homicides that were Domestic related in hopes they will put themselves in the story and realize the seriousness of their situation. I tell they the story of “Debbie”... 

Debbie was a wonderful woman whom I had met several times while on Patrol. I was called to her house time after time because her husband had assaulted her or was being violent in the home. During one call I asked her, “why don’t you leave”? She gave me her reason. I understood her reasoning but I stressed how worried I was for her. I gave her information about Hope House then and told her they could help with any issue she was facing. I left her house that night not knowing if she had ever contacted Hope House. I got called back out to Debbie’s house again another night because her husband had assaulted her. When I went inside her house, it was in complete disarray. Her husband had blackened her eye so badly that she could not open it. I reminded Debbie of all the other times I had been there for the same reasons and made her realize that each time she was hurt worse than the last. She told me that she wanted to get away from her husband…Finally! I gave her Hope Houses information again. I know she spoke with them this time but it was up to her to follow through and take Hope House’s advice. Two months later Debbie called 911 and said her husband had just shot her. She later died at the hospital. 

I have not worked Patrol in a couple of years. I now am assigned to the Investigations Unit where I am the DV Detective. I investigate everything DV related. I work even more closely with Hope House now. The victim’s I see and talk to; Hope House see’s and talks to as well. We work together to interrupt the cycle of abuse and give the victims everything they could possibly need to take the steps toward a victimless life. I promote Hope House with great enthusiasm. I have worked and continually work with extraordinary court advocates who give all they have to making victim’s safe. I am thankful Hope House is there for these women. I am thankful for all the people who help Hope House care for these victim’s by donating much needed funds, goods and time. Without Hope House, I believe there would be more Debbie stories. Victims have options for when after the Police leave and Hope House is there to guide them. I am grateful for the relationship I have with Hope House and for their outstanding work in our fight against Domestic Violence.

The Safety Net

If you look on our website or in our brochures, you’ll see:

“Hope House services form a safety net of prevention, education and support for more than 10,000 victims of domestic violence every year.”

So what does the term “safety net” mean?

What’s a Safety Net?

Photo by Stephanie Bennett Vogt
@ spaceclear.com.

When a woman enters shelter, her life has just taken a drastic turn. A million thoughts are swirling through her head:

•          How will the kids get to school?
•          Where will they get clothing to wear to school?
•          Where am I going to live now?
•          I was a stay-at-home mom. How will I survive without an income?

Hope House provides a web of services - a “safety net” - to keep her afloat so her life doesn’t continue to spiral downward.

Services Included in the Safety Net

The safety net includes services to handle immediate needs like:

•          A safe place to sleep
•          Help figuring out how she’ll get to work/the kids will get to school
•          Clothing and personal items
•          Three meals a day

But it also covers long-term needs such as:

•          Help finding a place to live
•          Help with legal issues like divorce or custody
•          Therapy

This list doesn’t begin to list all the services available. Our advocates also help our clients navigate the maze of services available from other agencies like applying for government assistance, or getting mental health counseling.

Photo by Lisa Truscott @
aerialartiste.com

Think Trapeze Artist at the Circus

Just like the trapeze artist at the circus whose life depends on the safety net that will catch them if they fall, Hope House services are here to keep a woman from hitting rock bottom while she transitions from being a victim to being a survivor.

What Is Abuse?

I am very aware of how differently that question can be answered depending on who is answering and their frame of reference. I want to spend time today talking about physical abuse. This seems to be what most people think about when they think about domestic violence although it is only one form of abuse that domestic violence victims suffer.

The definition of physical abuse in Wikipedia is: abuse involving contact intended to cause feelings of intimidation, pain, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm.

Most often when we think of physical abuse we think of some very obvious ways such as hitting, punching, slapping, pushing, and choking. However there are other less thought of forms of physical abuse such as biting, denying needed medical care, depriving a person of sleep, or forcing someone to use drugs or alcohol against their will as well as attempts to drown, exposure to heat and cold, and poison. Unfortunately, the ways that abusers physically abuse their partners makes a long list. The clients that we serve have experienced all of these types of abuse, and more.

What we know from our experience in this work is that the abuse often doesn’t start as physical; it often starts as emotional abuse and then over time progresses into the physical realm. Research also shows that as the relationship continues, the abuse will most likely become progressively worse and intensify in severity. What may start out as a push or slap will most likely progress to shoving, punching and worse.

Much of our work with clients focuses on education and safety planning. We want to put them in the best position to make the necessary decisions about their lives and their future. Understanding the abuse is the first step in moving toward a life free of abuse.

Donations and Urgent Needs

Can you imagine the amount of supplies it takes to meet the needs of 104 women and children every day? Well, I can tell you it takes a lot!

We do not charge our clients for our services or for the supplies they receive. It is important that they use their resources for things like school, rent, and gas to get work, etc. They do not need to be worrying about buying things like deodorant, toothpaste and shampoo.

Thankfully, neither do we. We do not have to budget for toilet paper, paper towels, diapers and other household needs. If we did, we know we would have to cut some of our services to accommodate the increase in the expenses.

Our supply of household items comes to us in a variety of ways. Individuals and groups will hold drives to bring in needed items; others have hosted parties with admission being a package of toilet paper or bottle of shampoo. Others learn of our needs through our Urgent Needs List, an email list of people who have asked to be alerted when we have an urgent need. We send out the need and instantly people respond. If you'd like to be added to our Urgent Needs List, please email us at blog@hopehouse.net.

We have several easy ways for you to help us get the supplies we need:

1) Go to our wishlist on http://www.amazon.com/ and have the items shipped to us. Seach for Hope House under Wish List, then look for our familiar logo. 

2) Go to our website http://www.hopehouse.net/ and click on the Donate Now button. We will purchase the items ourselves with your donation.

3) Send/bring us gift cards for WalMart, Target or any place that sells the items we need.

Here are some items that are currently urgent needs. This list is also found on our website and is updated as needs change.

Paper Towels
Toilet paper
Adult cold medicine (all kinds)
Pillows
Towels

Wash cloths

Combs/brushes

Size 4 diapers

Ethnic hair care products

We are extremely grateful to the members of our communities who give so generously to help us meet these needs. Without all of you, we would have to turn our resources to these daily needs, rather than focusing on the services which help people deal with the pressing issues in their lives.

Safe Family Coalition

Domestic violence and child abuse often occur together. Before 2001 there were many agencies that addressed each of these problems as separate issues. At times, these agencies seemed to work against each other, potentially putting women and children in greater danger of harm.

To address this problem, the Jackson County Safe Family Coalition (SFC) was formed. Their mission is to provide a coordinated community response to child abuse and domestic violence that will provide safety, enhance well-being, and provide stability for children and families.

SFC is made up of the many agencies that are involved when domestic violence and child abuse occur together:

• child protection workers
• adult and family courts
• county and city prosecutors
• judges
• domestic violence shelters
• law enforcement
• probation and parole
• social workers
• mental health services providers

SFC has challenged all of the participating agencies to look at our systems and change operations with the SFC mission as a guide. The best way to keep children safe is to keep the non-offending parent safe. This is accomplished by:

• Holding the perpetrator accountable for their actions.
• Providing meaningful help, support, and services for families who are experiencing child abuse and domestic violence.
• Providing legal interventions and services that stop violence and abuse.

SFC has committed to educate agencies and their staffs about resources that are available when they recognize cases of domestic violence with child abuse. SFC also seeks to engage the community by creating awareness about the need to provide a comprehensive array of services that will respond to the unique strengths and concerns of families.

Hope House has been a proud partner of this coalition and will continue coming to the table to keep children and the non-offending parent safe. We are very grateful that so many partners have joined us to make a difference in our communities.

For more information about the Safe Family Coalition, please visit their website http://www.jcsafefamily.org/.