Hope & All That Jazz 2015 attendees: ‘This was the best Jazz ever’

The deep red cloth was strewn from the ceiling. The white orchids in gold bowl centerpieces sat gracefully on the tables. The silent auction items were placed strategically on the display tables. The mouth-watering smell of the steak medallions and risotto filled the air. The festive music and laughs could be heard through the hall to the main lobby.

The 26th Annual Hope and All That Jazz was said to be the best Jazz ever.

“I’m just worried now how we top this in 2016,” said Stefanie Shanks, Hope House special events manager. “I’m ecstatic that the guests had such a great time. The music was great. Everyone loved the auction and bidding through their phones. The live auction was exciting. I couldn’t be more thrilled that everyone had a great time.”

The evening began with cocktails and appetizers during the silent auction period. The auction featured items such as sports memorabilia, artwork, food and wine, trips, a frame with two autographed photos of the legendary B.B. King, a grill master’s barbecue set, and much more. Attendees were able to walk around, having a great time visiting with friends rather than hovering over silent auction paper bid sheets.

“This year, we did mobile bidding,” said Shanks. “This allowed participants to go wherever they wanted during the silent auction, because all they needed was their smart phone. We received so much feedback about this, and we’ll definitely be doing it again next year.”

Once the silent auction was over, guests entered the ballroom, where dinner was served. The options for the evening were steak medallions with seafood cake and roasted tomato and peppers, or vegetarian risotto cake with spaghetti squash. Dessert consisted of a chocolate truffle mousse terrine with passion fruit crème brulee.

After dinner, the evening’s emcee, Kris Ketz of KMBC-TV9, welcomed everyone to the 26th annual benefit and turned it over to Hope and All That Jazz 2015 Chair Peter deSilva of UMB.

“Domestic violence of any kind is a stain on this and every other community in America,” said deSilva. “As a society it should be a top priority to eradicate domestic violence in all of its ugly forms. Given that we will unfortunately not likely eradicate domestic violence completely, the next best thing to do is to fully support those affected by it.”

DeSilva was then joined on stage by Hope House CEO MaryAnne Metheny, who introduced former Independence Mayor Barbara Potts. Metheny then awarded the Blue Springs Police Department with the annual Barbara Potts Award.

“The Blue Springs Police Department understands the seriousness of the crime of domestic violence and has contributed to the change in culture in how victims are treated and abusers are held accountable,” said Metheny. “In 2011, they agreed to participate in the Lethality Assessment Program, which provides a more comprehensive approach to how domestic violence incidents are handled on the scene.”

Once the award was presented to Blue Springs Police Chief Wayne McCoy and Domestic Violence Det. Anda Offenbacker, the evening’s keynote speaker provided her remarks on her own personal domestic violence relationship.

“I was very young – in my teens as a matter of fact – when I became a mother and got married,” said CiCi Rojas, president and CEO of the Central Exchange, and former Hope House board chairperson. “I found myself with three small children and caught in a very abusive marriage, very simply because of pride and wanting to provide a home for my children with two parents.”

Worried about their disappointment, Rojas hid the abuse and shame she felt from her parents and friends. Soon, her abusive husband would discover her intentions to leave and beat her to the point of unconsciousness.

“I knew I had to escape for me and my children,” she continued. “I had to regain my confidence and my self-worth. So, I set out to change my life. There are many women and children that benefit from Hope House. But, it’s not about the shelter and services so much as it is about the aspirational benefit, the renewal of confidence and self-esteem that ignites the desire to survive and find the power to thrive.”

Her moving speech brought tears to many in the room.

“It made a huge impact on everyone in attendance,” said Shanks. “When you have a keynote presenter who can show the true emotion in her story, it makes it easier for others to understand exactly what survivors and families are going through in their own homes.”

The evening’s festivities continued with Kansas City’s famous auctioneers, the Nigro Brothers. They encouraged all to participate in the Fund-A-Need segment, where attendees raised their bid numbers to fund services offered by Hope House.

Then, it was on to the live auction that included a puppy, a trip to a winery in Oregon, a stay in sunny Florida, a mink coat, dinner with Chiefs’ Quarterback Alex Smith, a diamond necklace and more.

“The Nigro Brothers always make the live auction fun,” Shanks continued. “This year, there was a lot of excitement with the diamond necklace and the puppy. I think what made the auction great this year was the variety of items. We certainly had something for everyone in attendance.”

Once the auction ended, it was time for the real fun to begin. KOKOMO played live music while patrons danced the night away on the dance floor that was embossed with the Hope House golden sun logo. Although some turned in early, others decided to stick around and close the ballroom down – proving even more that Jazz 2015 was one for the record books.

Overall, the event raised more than $370,000 that will benefit Hope House’s general operating budget. The domestic violence agency that offers Missouri’s most comprehensive services will provide safe shelter, outreach therapy, food, court advocacy and much more to survivors and families of domestic violence.

“Without our caring community growing Jazz each year, there is no way we would be able to serve the thousands of survivors and families that we do,” Metheny said. “I remember the day of personally putting together centerpieces in a small banquet hall for 300 people. Now, having over 600 people in attendance, yet seeing so many longtime friends, I know we’ll be serving this community for much longer.”

Lesson Learned From Clinton - Stop The Victim Blaming

With the tragic loss of Sandra Sutton (in Clinton, Missouri) due to domestic violence, there has been more discussion about domestic violence, how does it happen, why does it happen, why don’t people leave, and why don’t they call the police. There are so many questions because domestic violence is so complicated. There are no easy answers and the answers can challenge our way of thinking and shatter our vision of a peaceful and happy existence.

If someone has never experienced domestic violence or been exposed to it, the thought that someone who is supposed to love another person could hurt them in a violent way is hard to understand and wrap your arms around. The thought that someone could be kept in a box for months is something that even those of us who work in the field of domestic violence have to take a break and regroup. It takes your breath away as you imagine that horror. It made me sick to my stomach to imagine the horror she experienced. It made me cry.

That type of act is hideous and unthinkable. But yet, it happened here in our state of Missouri. This is the case we know about. Unfortunately, it is probably happening to someone else and we just don’t know it.

But why does it happen? Why does a relationship get so out of control?

That is where the difficulty in understanding comes in. There are so many reasons. But, even when you hear the reasons, it is hard to make sense of it. Even if you understand the origin and the thought process, coming to terms with such heinous acts is difficult.  How does a person get so out of control that he does something like that to his partner? Then, the even more unthinkable happens; she gets away and he hunts her down and murders her and her 17-year-old son.

How does someone do that? How does someone become so filled with hate and rage that they can do that? The answer is so simple, yet very complex – power and control. He had to have complete power over his partner, he went to unimaginable lengths to control her, and when he lost that control he committed the ultimate act of domestic violence: murder to regain that power and control. If he couldn’t control her and have complete power over her, then no one else would either, especially her. He wouldn’t allow her to make her own decisions and to live her life the way she wanted. He made sure of that when he murdered her and her son.

The important thing to remember is, it was not her fault!

She is not responsible for being murdered or kept in a box. She escaped and he tracked her down and he killed her. She is not to be blamed for this horrible act. It doesn’t matter if she called the police or didn’t call the police, or if she filed for a protection order or didn’t file for one. It was NOT her fault.

We cannot blame the victim for the things that happen to them. We must focus the attention on the perpetrator of the violence and the crime. But yet, somehow in domestic violence situations we blame the victim. We look at what she did or didn’t do and make it somehow her fault instead of looking at the perpetrator and placing the responsibility there and there alone.

If we are ever going to end domestic violence, it will be when we hold perpetrators accountable and break the cycle of violence. We must take responsibility as a society that domestic violence is allowed to happen. Whether it is a push, punch or kept locked-up in a box; it is wrong and must be stopped. We must work together to address the issue, we must shift the conversation from why didn’t she leave, why didn’t she call the police, get a protection order, to violence is not okay, and we must stop it. We must not allow our conversations to continue the abuse of the victim by blaming her, and we must all agree that violence is never the answer, violence is not okay.

If you want to learn more about domestic violence and the resources that are available and how you can help, please visit www.hopehouse.net. If you are in need of help please call the metro domestic violence hotline: 816-HOTLINE.

Top 4 Reasons to Attend Hope House's Margarita Ball 2015

Friday, April 24 from 7pm to 11pm
At Club 1000 - 1000 Broadway, KCMO 64105

Hope House’s Margarita Ball is one of KC’s premier dance parties where you can do good while having fun!

Party-goers will enjoy unlimited margaritas, cocktails and tapas, a silent auction with high-valued items, three floors of entertainment (basement is VIP area only – check sponsorship opportunities for more information). And, back by popular demand, DJ Ashton Martin will be spinning tunes and Lost Wax will be playing live music through the night.

Find out more by visiting www.hopehouse.net/MB2015

Hope House survivors smile big for volunteer dentist during National Dentists Day

After working more than 33 years as a dentist in Russellville, Arkansas, Dr. Dan Ryder just couldn’t stay away from the practice.

Ryder has been donating time to the women in Hope House for the last four years. Utilizing his experience and time in retirement, he helps survivors with their most immediate dental needs.

“One of my favorite stories to tell about Dr. Ryder is when one of the women in shelter came in for an appointment,” said MaryAnne Metheny, CEO of Hope House. “She was in so much pain. When Dr. Ryder was finished with the surgery, a week later she kept saying ‘I never knew what normal was supposed to feel like.”

And, that is what Ryder gives the survivors at Hope House – normal.

“Knowing that I’m able to provide good dental services to those who may not have these services available to them is very rewarding,” said Ryder. “It’s rewarding because we are able to show the clients that people care unconditionally.”

Ryder, who retired from his practice in Arkansas, moved to Lee’s Summit to be closer to his two children and four grandkids who live in the Kansas City area. Now he’s able to spend more time with them, playing golf, camping and backpacking through California every year. But, there is one more thing Ryder enjoys, and that is helping charitable causes, he says.

Not only does Ryder volunteer at Hope House, but he has also opened a free clinic in Arkansas before he moved. And, he volunteers at the Medical Mission for Christ in Camdenton, Missouri.

What brought him to Hope House was a series of coincidences, he said.

“I was on a mission trip in Jamaica through my church,” said Ryder. “While there, the organizer brought in some pharmacy students. I asked how I could get involved.”

From there, Ryder was directed to speak with Dr. Bridget McCandless of Independence. About three months later, she connected Ryder to Metheny who had been working with another area dentist, Dr. Ross Morrison, to start a dental clinic in the Hope House’s Independence shelter. After receiving a grant to purchase dental equipment, Metheny was in need of a dentist.

“When Dr. Ryder contacted me, we were so thrilled to have his experience and enthusiasm,” said Metheny. “He has done some amazing things for the women here over the last four years.  It’s funny because after his visits, you can always hear stories around the halls of shelter about the relief the women have, thanks to his help. We’re truly grateful to have his help.”

Ryder appreciates the facilities and the opportunity to provide immediate relief to the clients at Hope House as he focuses on survivors’ most immediate needs (i.e. fillings, root canals, etc.). But, he has also has a desire to perform dental cleanings. He asked any dental hygienists interested in volunteering contact Brandi Bair, Hope House volunteer coordinator, at 816-257-9342.

Response to Governor LePage's Letter Regarding Ray Rice

I would like to applaud Maine’s Governor, Paul LePage for his stance on domestic violence. Governor LePage sent a letter to NFL Commission Roger Goodell telling him the punishment given to the Baltimore Ravens running back sends the message that it's OK "for professional athletes to beat women, just for the sake of ratings."

He goes on to say that "Taking thugs and wife-beaters off the field may be bad for business, but you are playing games with people's lives," said LePage, who was beaten by his father when he was young and has made domestic abuse prevention and awareness a priority of his administration.

I was extremely disappointed when I heard of the punishment given to Ray Rice for knocking his then fiancé unconscious in an elevator.  I only know what I have read in the papers but what I read is text book domestic violence and I know that the only way we will ever stop domestic violence is to hold the perpetrators accountable. Domestic violence is about power and control and in this situation it feels very much like Ray Rice continues to have power and be in control and his work place is enabling it to continue. The justice system response in my opinion was light and more of a slap on the wrist, not what you would expect for someone who beat someone so brutally. It was so difficult to watch the video—I wasn’t able to watch it all the way through.

 I have to wonder what would have happened if it would have been a stranger or perhaps another team member he knocked unconscious. Would the punishment have been the same? I think not. From my experience it would have been severe but when we are talking about a spouse or intimate partner, for some reason, in our society the guidelines change and it isn’t as much of a problem or, worse yet, it is her fault. I have said this numerous times when it comes to domestic violence, we as a society are so quick to blame the victim rather than hold the perpetrator accountable. I find this appalling.

I would hope that we could come to a place where we say no matter who you are, no matter what your position, no matter how much money you make it, doesn’t matter. If you are a perpetrator of domestic violence you should be held accountable for your crime. Remember, domestic violence is a crime, it isn’t a family issue, and it isn’t the victim’s fault. Responsibility lies with the one committing the crime.

I ask that we all work together to end this vicious crime and keep people safe. Hold perpetrators accountable through the justice system and in our policies in the work place.

Domestic violence is not ok, period.

Read more here.

'Tis the Season for Events! Join Us and Party With Purpose...

Part of what we do at Hope House is find ways to engage donors in fun, participatory ways. Because of that, we have many different events to offer our supporters throughout the year. Sure, we do the standard nonprofit stuff like write grants, send letters out explaining what we do, why we do it and asking you to please donate and, increasingly, we take part in online charity challenges whenever we are awarded the opportunity to do so. But events are a big deal for us. They represent nearly 15% of our overall annual budget PLUS they give us the chance to celebrate and spend time with our supporters and community. Take a look at our upcoming events and see if you might like to join us at one. There's definitely something for everybody, so consider partying with a purpose! 

HOPE & ALL THAT JAZZ 
Saturday, August 16, 2014 • 5:30pm - Midnight at The Meuhlebach Hotel

It's the silver anniversary of JAZZ! That's right, this event is in its 25th year. So come and join us! Dance to Drew Six, feast on fabulous food, and bid on fantastic auction items at one of the best live and silent auctions around! For more information, visit hopehouse.net/jazz2014.

Club curry Speak Easy Affair
Friday, September 5, 2014 • 7pm - Midnight

Vegas comes to KCMO with Club Curry, a charity event taking place at the fabulous Black on Burlington. This event has been a huge hit in Las Vegas and we’re so glad that host Mark Curry is bringing it to Kansas City to benefit Hope House. And he's bringing Vegas DJ Nick Ayler to rock the house too! Get your tickets at 2014ClubCurryTickets

BIRDIES FORE HOPE
Monday, September 22, 2014 • 8am Registration • 9am Tee Time

Join us for the 4th Annual Birdies Charity Golf Tournament for Women. Play and make a difference all at once! More information and tickets are available at hopehouse.net/birdies.

Howlin’ For Hope
Sunday, October 12, 2014 • 3:00 pm to 6:00 pm
Come sing with us at the 7th annual Howlin' For Hope at Howl at the Moon in the Power & Light District. Enjoy the World's Greatest Rock 'n' Roll Dueling Piano Show and raise funds for Hope House! This totally fun event will have you singing and dancing with everyone in the room PLUS a live auction! Check it out at hopehouse.net/howl2014.

BOOTS & BLING
Saturday, October 18, 2014 • 7pm - Midnight

Saddle up and head over to Sunset Trails Stables in Lee's Summit for the 2nd annul Boots & Bling hosted by Anne Aubuchon! Enjoy delicious BBQ, drinks, live and silent auctions and great music and dancing to Ryan Triggs and The Rivet Busters! This is a real stable, with horses, hay and everything, so wear your jeans, boots and, of course, your BLING! Check it out at hopehouse.net/bootsandbling.

Guest Blogger Chad Leabo Rants about Domestic Violence

Each time I hear about the way society views domestic violence it get’s my blood pressure up. Here in the west we do a lot of finger-wagging at cultures where women are not treated with the respect we think they should be afforded. I’m calling us (the western world) out on that.

Is it worse that girls in Africa are kidnapped for going to school? Yes. Is it worse that, in less-evolved parts of the Islamic world, girls are beaten or killed for going to school or learning to read? Yes. Is it worse that in many cultures, where arranged marriages exist and someone marries for love, ignoring the families’ social contracts, the woman is then killed to protect the family honor? Yes. Is it worse in places where girls are sold into sexual slavery? Yes (though it happens here too). Is it worse in south Asia and the middle-east that a woman can legally be punished for the “crime” of being raped. Absolutely.

However, as bad those places may be--and the treatment of women is abhorrent in those places in my opinion--we have a long, long way to go here as well.

Take the recent murder of a five year old girl in Leavenworth, KS last week. I’ve been following domestic violence (DV) related stories for years now, due to my wife’s job at Hope House. I can spot them in the news with a high degree of accuracy. You can too. When the report came out that a man had allegedly kidnapped a child and was led on a chase and he then allegedly killed the child when police had cornered him. I knew the story. It’s not unusual in cases of DV, especially if the woman is in the process of leaving, for the abuser to take her or even her kids out. That’s the most lethal time, when he thinks she is going to leave. It’s about control. Killing the mother’s kids is the ultimate abuse to a mother. Killing the mother herself is the ultimate control.

Women rarely get murdered. When they do, a vast majority of the time, DV is a factor. Then the victim blaming begins. This is the part that bothers me the most. I try to not read the reader comments on news stories because of the depressing ignorance and vengeance-airing that occurs in such forums. However, as I read that story’s comments I was not surprised by the comments of “why didn’t she leave him?” and, “they should charge her (the mother) too (in the death of the little girl).” In DV nobody every asks, “Why didn’t he stop abusing her?”

In DV situations where a man is abusing a woman, statistically she will leave seven times before actually leaving for good. Like I said, the time when she is leaving is highly dangerous. It’s a time of high lethality. If she has kids, whether they are his or not, she may come back or delay leaving for good because she may figure if she has to take a beating so her kids have a place to live, so be it. That’s sad but kind of admirable in a way. But one must remember that DV is learned behavior. Both parties likely witnessed it growing up. If you see that as part of life, you accept it, right or wrong.

Many people hide behind traditional social norms of the man being in charge. Many hide behind religious beliefs for women being subservient to men. But, when you strip it all away, are those views any less wrong than honor killings (which are backed up for the same reasons)?

Recently the NFL gave Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice a slap on the wrist for knocking his the fiancée unconscious at an Atlantic City casino. He got a two game suspension. Two games. Had he been busted for steroids he’d have gotten twice that. What does that teach little boys about consequences? What does that teach little girls about their value? She didn’t press charges. Why didn’t she press charges? Remember this is learned behavior. This is part of life for her. Sadly I predict she will be hit again. Will she live in luxury? Yes, not that that matters in the long run. Most women who are survivors of DV do not live that lifestyle.

They live in your neighborhood. They work with you. They go to church with you. They’re in some part of your family. About 50 percent of the human population of planet Earth is carrying XX chromosomes (that means they’re women FYI). One in four of those women will experience some type of DV (emotional, or physical) in her lifetime. Those are your daughters, friends, nieces (my wife and I have five nieces), granddaughters...DV crosses all socio-economic and racial lines. Let us not throw away half of the population.

Breaking the cycle of DV is the most important part of fixing the problem. Boys who witness abuse are more than twice as likely to be abusers. Yet programs, which try to intervene and mitigate the damage done to these young witnesses, are poorly funded and not far-reaching enough. At times it’s like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with rocks.

Shelters are the last resort for victims of DV. Survivors go there after they’ve exhausted all other options, like family and friends. In the KC metro, organizations like Hope House, Rosebrooks, Safehome, etc., also serve as court advocates, and have legal outreach programs too. They help get women out of dangerous situations. It would be awesome if places like those didn’t have to exist. But they do. No court advocate or anyone on their legal team has a day without multiple cases. Not one bed goes unused in the shelter. Ever.

Supporting entities which try to stop or prevent domestic violence is not sexy. The DV shelter in your community is not fancy. It needs money to keep its doors open. Not your cast-off out of date clothes and broken TVs. The well-heeled in your city don’t get giddy over having their name on the building which protects abused humans. The DV shelter in your community is not a warm and fuzzy charity. Domestic violence is a scary, disturbing and sometimes confusing topic. It is real life and death. I sometimes wonder if Sarah McLachlan (who I love) did PSAs which showed women (and men) with broken wrists, bruised faces, and cigarette burned skin if it would help. Probably not. The ignorant would blame the victim again. It takes time to break out of DV relationships. Sometimes people need a little help. Stop blaming the victims and let them become survivors.

Parents it’s up to you. Your kids are little sponges. Teach them respect. Teach them to communicate. Teach them boundaries. Teach them right and wrong. Give your kids good examples. It’s on you. In the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, “…teach your children well.”

Chad Leabo

#OperationGirl Charity Challenge by John Legend, Ryot & Burkle Global Impact Initiative

We're super excited to let you know that we're part of the #OperationGirl Charity Challenge, a fundraising campaign launched by John Legend, RYOT and the Burkle Global Impact Initiative.

To give back, they will be donating $100,000 to organizations like ours focused on women and girls. The charity that raises the most throughout the Challenge will get a $50,000 donation. Second place gets $20,000, third gets $10,000.

We're out to raise as much money as possible for our cause so we can win the $50,000 grand prize donation.

We think we can win and to do so, we definitely need your help. We'll be sending emails throughout the Challenge and we'll be asking for you to give. Every donation makes a difference, no matter how small. Every dollar counts.

To help now, please CLICK HERE and give whatever you can.

Or, if you want to go one step further, GO HERE and click 'Fundraise for This Campaign.' In seconds, you'll have your own fundraiser that you can share with all of your family and friends so that you can raise money for our cause too.

Please email CrowdRise at OperationGirl@CrowdRise.com if you have any questions at all and they'll help solve everything.

Thanks so much for your support!

Hope House

Fathers...

Father's Day is Sunday and it's important to note that Dads, all over the world, are uniquely positioned to instill character and values in our boys. They are often the ones our sons look to for guidance--the ones our boys look to as role models. But often in society we raise our boys with a set of values that don't serve them well and, consequently, don't serve any of us. 

They are often taught to:

• Be strong.
• Have all of the answers.
• Be aggressive.
• Control their emotions.
• Be in charge of their relationships.

This messaging can be the basis of behavior that sparks sexual and domestic violence. With one in four women experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime and one in five sexually assaulted at college, this messaging has to change. Instead, we need to teach our young men to:

• Express their emotions rather than hold them in.
• Be fair in their relationships.
• Be compassionate and understanding.
• Realize that equality benefits everyone.

So, for Father's Day, let's thank all of those amazing dads out there for being the positive force in their sons' lives and for teaching them to grow up to be good men of strong character rather than just strong men.

Happy Father's Day!