Lesson Learned From Clinton - Stop The Victim Blaming

With the tragic loss of Sandra Sutton (in Clinton, Missouri) due to domestic violence, there has been more discussion about domestic violence, how does it happen, why does it happen, why don’t people leave, and why don’t they call the police. There are so many questions because domestic violence is so complicated. There are no easy answers and the answers can challenge our way of thinking and shatter our vision of a peaceful and happy existence.

If someone has never experienced domestic violence or been exposed to it, the thought that someone who is supposed to love another person could hurt them in a violent way is hard to understand and wrap your arms around. The thought that someone could be kept in a box for months is something that even those of us who work in the field of domestic violence have to take a break and regroup. It takes your breath away as you imagine that horror. It made me sick to my stomach to imagine the horror she experienced. It made me cry.

That type of act is hideous and unthinkable. But yet, it happened here in our state of Missouri. This is the case we know about. Unfortunately, it is probably happening to someone else and we just don’t know it.

But why does it happen? Why does a relationship get so out of control?

That is where the difficulty in understanding comes in. There are so many reasons. But, even when you hear the reasons, it is hard to make sense of it. Even if you understand the origin and the thought process, coming to terms with such heinous acts is difficult.  How does a person get so out of control that he does something like that to his partner? Then, the even more unthinkable happens; she gets away and he hunts her down and murders her and her 17-year-old son.

How does someone do that? How does someone become so filled with hate and rage that they can do that? The answer is so simple, yet very complex – power and control. He had to have complete power over his partner, he went to unimaginable lengths to control her, and when he lost that control he committed the ultimate act of domestic violence: murder to regain that power and control. If he couldn’t control her and have complete power over her, then no one else would either, especially her. He wouldn’t allow her to make her own decisions and to live her life the way she wanted. He made sure of that when he murdered her and her son.

The important thing to remember is, it was not her fault!

She is not responsible for being murdered or kept in a box. She escaped and he tracked her down and he killed her. She is not to be blamed for this horrible act. It doesn’t matter if she called the police or didn’t call the police, or if she filed for a protection order or didn’t file for one. It was NOT her fault.

We cannot blame the victim for the things that happen to them. We must focus the attention on the perpetrator of the violence and the crime. But yet, somehow in domestic violence situations we blame the victim. We look at what she did or didn’t do and make it somehow her fault instead of looking at the perpetrator and placing the responsibility there and there alone.

If we are ever going to end domestic violence, it will be when we hold perpetrators accountable and break the cycle of violence. We must take responsibility as a society that domestic violence is allowed to happen. Whether it is a push, punch or kept locked-up in a box; it is wrong and must be stopped. We must work together to address the issue, we must shift the conversation from why didn’t she leave, why didn’t she call the police, get a protection order, to violence is not okay, and we must stop it. We must not allow our conversations to continue the abuse of the victim by blaming her, and we must all agree that violence is never the answer, violence is not okay.

If you want to learn more about domestic violence and the resources that are available and how you can help, please visit www.hopehouse.net. If you are in need of help please call the metro domestic violence hotline: 816-HOTLINE.

It's No Laughing Matter: Part I

What’s sad is the fact that Hope House found this online as part of a satirical social media page.

From now to #GivingTuesday, December 2, Hope House would like to present the real side of domestic violence. Too many jokes are made these days of domestic violence. But, our advocates see the pain and hardship of it every day.

Take Stefanie for instance. She is an advocate who visited the hospital several times as part of Hope House’s BridgeSPAN program. View her story below:

“It was the middle of the night. The pager went off, so I responded to one of our hospitals. When I got there, the female victim was there on the hospital bed sitting upright. I greeted her and the police officer with a smile. Shortly after introducing myself and hearing her story, the doctor came in. He proceeded to take out a staple-gun to close the gash in her head where her husband had hit her with something similar to a baton. I’ve never seen something like that before and never want to again.”

As part of Hope House’s #GivingTuesday campaign, we are asking you to stand up and show that you know domestic violence is real. Hope House will spend $3,660 to pay for 122 bed stays in our shelter on #GivingTuesday. Please help us December 2 (Can't wait until then? Give now by clicking here)!  

Happy Thanksgiving!

Photo by Jenny Steffens @
http://jennysteffens.blogspot.com/

I can't believe that it's already the middle of November and Thanksgiving is here. It's the time of year when we stop to give thanks for all of our many blessings.

At Hope House, we are thankful every day and feel extremely blessed. We are a part of this wonderful community; a caring community that reaches out to us and helps us in so many ways. 

People are amazing in how they give back. The care and concern they have for their neighbors and fellow human beings is heart-warming.

We thank you for thinking of us throughout the year. We couldn't do the work we do without you. We are grateful to everyone who has touched our lives and continues to support us as we work to break the cycle of domestic violence.

We wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Back to School

Well, it’s that time of the year… kids, as well as some adults, are heading back to school. I cannot believe how fast this summer has flown by.

It is exciting to see the seasons ready to change, school beginning and all of the hope and expectation that comes with starting something new.

We’re grateful for our ability to offer school supplies to each child entering school in the fall. They don’t have to go to school worrying about being labeled because they live in a shelter, or they don’t have enough money for supplies.

Our goal is that the children go to school without stress and worry about their living arrangements or what is going on in their lives. They need to focus on themselves and their school work, not finances, shelter, food, etc.

With the graciousness and generosity of our community, Hope House doesn’t have to worry about that either. There is enough for everyone to go to school equipped and ready to learn.

Children are resilient and have such hope and wonder about the world. This optimism can be dampened when there is trauma and crisis in their world. We work hard to help them find it again and bring it back to life.

Good luck to all of our students no matter what age they are. My hope is they have a very successful school year filled with new knowledge and excitement.

Happy Thanksgiving

Photo by Jenny Steffens Hobick @
http://jennysteffens.blogspot.com/.

It is that time of year when we stop to give thanks for all of our many blessings. We at Hope House are extremely blessed.

We are blessed to be a part of this wonderful community; a caring community that reaches out to us in so many ways. People are amazing in how creative they are in helping us with our many needs!

Here are a few examples of things that people have done for us in the past that may give you a great idea for how your family, office or church can get involved with Hope House:

- Invite your neighbors over and ask them to bring a new, unwrapped gift for our holiday store. In return, they get hot chocolate and cookies made by your kids.

- Teach a Girl Scouts group how to crochet and have them create tiny blankets for our newborns.

- Hold a wiffle ball tournament with a percent of entry fees coming to Hope House. Get your kids’ schoolmates involved.

Did this list get you thinking creatively? If so, contact our Volunteer Manager, Gretchen, at 816-257-9342 or gschmitz@hopehouse.net to discuss the details.

We thank you for your support and for thinking of us throughout the year. We couldn’t do the work we do without the involvement of our community. We are grateful to everyone who has touched our lives as we work to break the cycle of domestic violence.

We wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Completion of Our Capital Campaign

In December 2009 the Kresge Foundation granted Hope House a $600,000 challenge grant for our Building Hope capital campaign for the construction and renovations to the Independence campus. To qualify for the gift, we had to complete the remaining fundraising for the campaign within one year.

We’re excited to announce that we have successfully satisfied the conditions of the Kresge challenge. This means that we have successfully raised $5,000,000 for our capital campaign and have completed the fundraising portion of the campaign!

The construction on the campus is well underway with the shelter and daycare renovations already completed. Work is underway in the Court and Legal Services Building as well as the Community Partnership Building. The new Therapy building (shown above) has the walls and roof in place so work will not be interrupted with any inclement weather.

Work is progressing along very well and we should be completed with all aspects of the campaign by spring of 2011. We will have a ribbon cutting and grand opening once the work is completed and weather is suitable for an outside gathering.

We are so appreciative of all of the support that we have received from the community that has allowed us to make these improvements so we can continue to provide quality services to our clients.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

This month is an opportunity for programs that work with the issue of domestic violence to celebrate those who have survived, mourn those who have died, and increase the awareness of the issue.

It continues to amaze and sadden me that there are people in Eastern Jackson County who have not heard about Hope House and are not aware that the largest provider of domestic violence services in the state of Missouri is located within their community.

We still have a lot of work to do to make sure that everyone who is in need knows we’re here for them. This month is an opportunity for us to spread the word about what we’re doing and engage people in helping to stop the violence.

We’ll spend time at community events and health fairs, and with service organizations and businesses who give us the opportunity to talk about domestic violence and what we are doing to break the cycle.

If you have an opportunity to wear purple during the month of October to show your support of those who have been impacted by domestic violence, please do so. If you would like someone to speak to your group about domestic violence, let us know and we’ll be happy to be there.

As we raise awareness this month, we look forward to the day that we no longer lose a life due to domestic violence.

IT’S UNITED WAY TIME

United Way kicked off its fundraising campaign on September 8 at the Westin Crown Center. It is now campaign time for companies and partnering United Way agencies. UW is working hard to make sure that agencies have the resources available to provide the critical services being offered in our area. Hope House is proud to be a partner agency with United Way and will work hard to ensure that the campaign is successful.

Hope House receives approximately 6% of our budget from United Way. This is through the allocation process and from those donors that designate their giving to our agency. It is imperative that the campaign is successful so that agencies like Hope House can continue to receive the crucial funding for our programs.

United Way has gone through many changes over the past couple of years and is truly committed to making change happen in our community. The changes have been positive and thoughtful and will positively impact our community.

If you work for a company that does a United Way campaign, congratulations - you are making a difference. If you are not, please consider starting a workplace campaign.  United Way makes it easy, and agencies like Hope House are available to visit your workplace and present information about our programs and what being a partner with United Way means for our agency. 

Coming to Shelter

Coming to shelter can be one of the most intimidating steps a survivor takes on her road to escape abuse. Leaving behind all that she knows and all that she has can be scary.

The first couple of days in shelter will be spent adjusting to the new routines and getting oriented. Kids will need to be enrolled in school, if the decision is made to change schools. If she decides to keep the kids in their home school, that school is contacted to arrange transportation for the child.

Our goal is to make the shelter environment as home-like as possible. We want to make sure she and her children have stability, and feel safe and secure. We provide everything that they need: toilet paper, paper towels, tooth paste, shampoo and other personal care items, clothing, and meals. Residents don’t have to worry about spending money on these things because we are able to get most of the items donated by our caring community.

Each woman in shelter is assigned an Advocate. The advocates work with her to identify her strengths, areas of need, her goals, and obstacles to accomplishing her goals. To help her on that path, we offer individual and group counseling (for both women and children), parenting support and substance abuse counseling.

We do not have a set length of stay for shelter. We feel strongly that everyone’s needs are different. It’s difficult to say that in 60 days a woman will have her needs addressed and now it’s time for her to leave shelter.

We do not tell women what to do or what to think, but help them to determine what they want for themselves as they begin their journey toward a life free of abuse.

Ground Breaking for Building Hope Capital Campaign

I am very excited to be writing about the ground breaking for our construction project on our Independence campus. We have worked so hard on the Building Hope Capital Campaign and have made tremendous progress in the past year. This progress is due to our dedicated committee, and the dedication and commitment of Chief Development Officer, Nancy DuVall. Nancy has worked tirelessly to see the campaign to its completion.

The ground breaking ceremony is a time for us to celebrate all of the accomplishments and the excitement of the new construction and the many changes that will follow. I am very excited about the improvements that will take place on the campus that will allow the clients a place of serenity and safety as they stay with us and begin to rebuild their lives. They deserve a place of beauty and comfort; a place that will energize them and give them the peace of mind to work through the issues they must face to live free of abuse.

The contractor estimates construction of the new therapy building will take 9 months, so if (when) we stay on schedule, we will be in our new therapy building in early 2011. The renovations to the existing buildings are not expected to take as long as constructing a whole new building, so we will be enjoying and utilizing the newly renovated spaces in Shelter and the Early Childhood Center in 2010.

The Community Partnership Building will open as soon as the therapists are able to move into their new building. How exciting to be able to offer the clients this new space which will better meet their needs and a place for community businesses to come and partner with us to offer services to our clients.

We still have work to do to finish the campaign; we still need to raise $430,000 to complete the $5,000,000 campaign. We have tax credits available for anyone who is interested in making a gift to the campaign. If you are interested in learning more about the campaign or would like to join us on April 9th at 10AM for the ground breaking ceremony, contact Nancy at nduvall@hopehouse.net.

Building Hope Capital Campaign

We are so excited about the progress of our capital campaign, Building Hope, a $5,000,000 campaign for our Independence campus.

This campus consists of eight acres of beautiful property that was gifted to us in 1993 from the Community of Christ Church. When we received the property it had two existing buildings which we renovated to create the Court and Legal Services Building and the Therapy Building. We then built two new buildings, the Shelter and the Early Childhood Center.

Key Elements of Building Hope

The Building Hope Capital Campaign consists of these key elements:

1) Renovations to the four existing buildings.
 2) An addition to the Shelter for increased storage of food and clothing.

3) A new 10,000 square foot Therapy Building.

4) Creation of a Community Partnership Building by renovating the current Therapy Building.

• This will give us space to accommodate all of the wonderful community volunteers who are willing to offer services to our clients, but due to lack of space, have not been able to provide those services on-site. 
• The Community Partnership Building will have a Medical Room equipped with an exam table and a dental chair, a salon with a hair dressing station, a room for massage therapy, and a room for computer work. There will also be space for other professionals wanting to offer their services to our clients.

Challenge Grants

We are so fortunate to have two challenge grants for this campaign. The J.E. & L.E. Mabee Foundation from Tulsa, Oklahoma issued a $525,000 challenge to us in January 2009 to raise $4,197,979 by January 14, 2010. The Kresge Foundation from Troy, Michigan issued a $600,000 challenge to us in December 2009 to complete the $5,000,000 fundraising campaign.

These challenge grants are designed to help organizations successfully complete their capital campaigns by assisting in securing further contributions. The money is received from the foundations once the challenge is successfully completed.

January 14th is next week and we are so excited to have reached our goal for the Mabee challenge and have $435,000 to go to complete the Kresge Challenge and the entire campaign.

Tax Credits Available

If you are interested in helping us with the Building Hope campaign, please let me know by emailing me at blog@hopehouse.net or calling 816-257-9331. We have Missouri tax credits available, which is a great way to stretch your gift and enjoy a tax benefit as well.

I look forward to keeping you up to date on all of the progress we make on completing the campaign and for progress updates once construction has started.