January is Stalking Awareness

Anyone who has been the victim of stalking can tell you, it’s a terrifying experience and a reprehensible way of controlling a person—instilling a sense of fear and powerlessness.

Just think of it… someone watching you at any given moment, following you or lying in wait, threatening you… it can keep you off balance, anxious and full of mistrust. In fact, 46% of stalking victims say that fear of not knowing what’s next impacts them deeply. And it is further terrorizing not know if it will ever stop.

Stalking impacts victims in every area of life—1 in 8 lose time from work and 1 in 7 move as a result—affecting them financially and professionally. Emotionally, it takes a tremendous toll—anxiety, insomnia and severe depression are all prevalent among those being stalked.

Although victims are frequently targeted by someone they know—66% of female and 41% of male victims are stalked by current of former partners—sometimes a person has no idea who the perpetrator is.

Stalking affects 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men in the United States. It’s becoming prevalent. A month of awareness allows us the opportunity to get information out about this menacing crime, learn more about it and give access to some useful resources.

Some important facts:

·         Women are nearly 3 times more likely to be stalked than men.

·         The majority of stalkers are male.

·         11% of stalking victims have been stalked for 5 years or more.

·         78% of stalkers use more than one means of approach.

·         Almost 1/3 of stalkers have stalked before.

·         1 in 5 cases of stalking includes the use of a weapon.

Facts around stalking and intimate partner femicide (deaths of women):

·         76% of intimate partner femicide victims have been stalked by their intimate partner.

·         67% had been physically abused by their intimate partner.

·         89% of femicide victims who had been physically assaulted had also been stalked in the 12 months before their murder.

·         54% of femicide victims reported stalking to police before they were killed by their stalkers.

So what can you do?

In Missouri, stalking is a crime. Keep detailed records of stalking incidents. Record keeping can make all the difference in prosecuting stalking cases and can legally help to differentiate between stalking and harassment. Stalking is not just a one-time event—it’s an accumulation of events. Other things to consider:

·         Try to make sure you have witnesses and keep track of who they are.

·         Make a safety plan to help reduce your risk of harm.

·         Consider your online visibility and decide if you need to make changes to be more private.

·         Give pictures of the stalker to security and friends at work/school/etc.

·         Tell your supervisors—they have a responsibility to keep you safe at work.

·         File police reports as incidents happen.

Stalking is a serious offense and can escalate into violence. If you think you’re in immediate danger call 911 or the National Stalking Resource Center hotline: 1-800-FYI-CALL.

For more information and tools, please visit victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center.

Statistics:  victimsofcrime.org

The Most Common Myth

Don't ask "Why does she stay?" Ask "Why does he do that?"

I have spent some time blogging about common myths about domestic violence.  Here’s the one that is the most frustrating for me to explain and dispel:

"Victims like the abuse, otherwise they would leave."

To me, it’s obvious that women do not like to be abused. They do not enjoy being beaten, called horrible names, and having no control over their lives. 

They do leave.  They do try to end the relationship. Women leave abusive relationships every day. But when they leave, they face many obstacles and challenges, like continued abuse and stalking by their partner.

Last year I shared with you the story of Katie Piper. She broke things off with her boyfriend. He stalked her for days, and then hired someone to attack her with acid. 

It happens a lot: women leave, and then they are stalked and killed.  We have already had more than one domestic violence homicide this year in KC where women were in the process of leaving their abusers. It’s scary to realize that we’re still in the first half of the year.

Rather than asking “Why does she stay?” let’s start focusing on the abuser and his motivations for staying in the relationship. Ask yourself why a man would want to stay in a relationship when he thinks:

• She never does anything right. I'll have to teach her a lesson. 
• She’s always cheating on me. I saw the way she looked at the cashier at the grocery store.
• I just can’t trust her, so I’ll have to put a GPS on her car so I know where she is.

Changing which side of the relationship you’re looking at changes everything, doesn’t it?

Victims of domestic violence do not ask for the abuse. They do not deserve the abuse, and they certainly do not enjoy it. It is a vicious cycle and one that must be stopped. Two of the first steps to ending it are education and availability of services. We are working on addressing both of those issues.

National Violence Survey Results

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recently released the results from their first National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS).  The CDC website describes the survey as:

“The survey collects data on past-year experiences of violence as well as lifetime experiences of violence. The 2010 survey is the first year of the survey and provides baseline data that will be used to track trends in sexual violence, stalking and intimate partner violence (IPV). CDC developed NISVS to better describe and monitor the magnitude of these forms of violence in the United States.”

The results of the survey were not surprising, but at the same time frustrating, as it show how desperately our work is still needed. The findings from the 2010 survey show that intimate partner violence, stalking and sexual assault are widespread in our country. The findings highlight the severity of the violence and lifelong health consequences.

• 1.3 million women were raped during the year preceding the survey
• Nearly 1 in 5 women have been raped in their lifetime
• 1 in 6 women have been stalked during their lifetime
• 1 in 4 women have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner
• 1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime
• 1 in 19 men have experienced stalking in their lifetime
• 1 in 7 men experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner

The CDC report summarizes what is going on in our country: 

“Overall, lifetime and one year estimates for sexual violence, stalking and intimate partner violence were alarmingly high for adult Americans; with intimate partner violence (IPV) alone affecting more than 12 million people each year. 

Women are disproportionately impacted. They experienced high rates of severe IPV, rape and stalking, and long-term chronic disease and other health impacts such as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms. 

NISVS also shows that most rape and IPV is first experienced before age 24, highlighting the importance of preventing this violence before it occurs to ensure that all people can live life to their fullest potential”.

We have a lot of work still to do. Thank you for helping us serve the thousands of people in our metro area that are impacted by these crimes every day. 

To see the full report you can go to www.cdc.gov.

Stalking Awareness Month

January is Stalking Awareness Month. It is a month dedicated to education and bringing awareness to the issue of stalking.

• 3.4 million people are stalked each year in the United State.
• Intimate partner stalking is the most common type of stalking and the most dangerous.

At the suggestion of the Stalking Awareness website http://www.stalkingawarenessmonth.org/ I googled “track girlfriend” to see what would come up. I was not at all surprised to find websites and articles that give details on how to “track” someone “you love”.   It is very scary to me how easy it is to track someone’s movements. Most often the person doesn't even know they’re being stalked.

Cell phones are an easy and often used way to stalk someone. It is so easy to install a tracking device on a phone without the person even being aware. There are apps available for download and no way for the owner to know it has been installed.

I have read that some shelters across the country are taking clients’ cell phones as they enter shelter. The staff takes the phone apart so any tracking mechanism is disabled.  Abusers have shown up at their location due to the cell phone tracking devices! 

Thank goodness, at Hope House, we have not experienced this issue but we absolutely talk to our clients about technology, the advances that have been made in the past few years, and the various ways that someone can be “tracked”.

Stalking is a very dangerous crime and one that needs to be taken seriously. Most stalking victims know their stalkers. 60% of stalkers have stalked before. This has become a major issue in our society.

I encourage you to visit the website http://www.stalkingawarenessmonth.org/ to learn facts about stalking and ideas on how you can participate in bringing more awareness to the issue.

Does a Victim Ever Feel Safe?

I am often asked if a victim of domestic violence ever feels safe. From my perspective the answer isn’t a simple one - just like everything else with domestic violence. The hard truth is that many survivors of domestic violence do not ever fully feel safe. They take steps to protect themselves and to free themselves from their abuser, but are constantly looking over their shoulders and always on alert.

If children are involved there can be a level of fear the entire time the parents have to have interaction regarding the children. Children can be used as a means of control and if custody orders require visits then interaction can be frequent and the level of fear more constant.

Women have fled their home states and moved across the country only to be found and the torment to start again. The feeling of safety ebbs away even more each time a phone number has to be changed or relocation is necessary. Even work can be a place of fear if the abuser knows the location and waits in the parking lot for his current or former partner to walk to her car at lunch or after work.

Women have told me that they only felt safe while their abuser was in prison or after their abuser passed away. Only then did the feeling of safety truly come to them.

Yes, some survivors of domestic violence are able to feel safe and go about their lives without the feeling of constant fear. I am happy for them and thankful for whatever part Hope House or other services might have played in helping that become a reality.

The sad fact is that the level of fear can depend on the abuser and his willingness to stop the abuse. Is he willing to stop tormenting her and let her live her life in peace? The responsibility lies with the abuser, not the victim. His actions, and the level at which he is held accountable for those actions, make all the difference.

Stalking Awareness Month

January 2011 marks the 8^th annual Stalking Awareness Month. During the month of January programs will bring awareness to the issue of stalking and what people can do to stop it.

3.4 million people are stalked in this country each year. Often the perception is that it is celebrities that are stalked by crazed fans. While this does happen, it is not the majority of stalking cases. Three out of four victims know their stalker. Nearly one third of victims are stalked by a current or former spouse or girl/boy friend.

The impact of stalking takes many forms but the emotional and physical toll on the victims is tremendous. The constant threat of someone following you, watching your moves and threatening you places a heavy toll on stalking victims. People who are stalked are always afraid and constantly looking over their shoulders. It is difficult to find peace and rest when fear is always present.

• 46% of stalking victims fear not knowing what will happen next.
• 29% of stalking victims fear the stalking will never stop.
• The prevalence of anxiety, insomnia, social dysfunction, and severe depression is much higher among stalking victims than the general population, especially if the stalking involves being followed or having one’s property destroyed.
• 2/3 of stalkers pursue their victims at least once per week, many daily.
• 78% of stalkers use more than one means of approach.

If you know someone who is being stalked or you are a victim, there are resources available. A great resource is the Stalking Resource Center at www.ncvc.org and also at www.stalkingawarenessmonth.org. As always, Hope House can help answer questions and assist with safety planning. Our 24-hour hotline 816-461-HOPE (4673) is always available.

 

Source: The Stalking Resource Center. (June 2009) Stalking Fact Sheet 2Tjaden, P., & Thoennes, N. (1998). Stalking in America: Findings from the National Violence Against Women survey. National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Research in Brief. Washington, DC: U.S. Department

Stalking Awareness Month

January 2010 marks the 7th annual National Stalking Awareness Month.

This month offers the opportunity to highlight the services that are available and to draw awareness to the issue and the impact it has on our society.

Stalking is a crime of great magnitude. More that 3 million people older than 18 are stalked annually in the United States. It is a criminal offense under the laws of all 50 states, the District of Columbia, the U.S. Territories and the federal government.

1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetimes, and the majority of victims are stalked by someone they know.

What is Stalking?

Stalking is defined by Missouri law as purposely, repeatedly and intentionally harassing or following someone. How does this translate to behaviors? Victims are followed in their daily activities - to work, to the grocery store, to their friend’s house. They receive repeated phone calls and hang ups - some threatening, others where nothing is said. They can receive calls at work disrupting their work day and threatening their jobs.

Victims can also be confronted with their car tires being slashed, windows and doors broken in their cars and homes. What may not seem so threatening - but to a stalking victim it can be terrifying - is to have flowers or gifts delivered to their work or their home.

With the advancement of technology we are seeing stalking taking on different forms - GPS devices attached to cars, computer technology allowing the stalker to see activity and emails, tracking information from cell phones. Every aspect of life is invaded and threatened.

The Effects of Stalking

Being a victim of stalking is extremely frightening. Victims can experience, anxiety, insomnia, social dysfunction, lost work hours and productivity, and severe depression at a much higher rate than the general population. Stalking victims are forced to take drastic measures to protect themselves, such as relocating, changing their phone numbers, changing their identities, changing jobs and obtaining protection orders.

76% of women who were murdered by their intimate partner had been previously stalked by their killer, and more than half of these victims reported the stalking to the police before being murdered. 81% of women stalked by a current or former intimate partner are also physically assaulted by that partner.

Help is Available

If you are a victim of stalking or you know someone who is, there are resources available. Hope House has a 24 hour crisis hotline 816-461- HOPE (4673). Another resource is the Stalking Resource Center at www.ncvc.org that has a wealth of information for victims and those who want to get involved to help. Awareness is the first step in our efforts to stop this horrible crime.


Source: 1The Stalking Resource Center. (June 2009) Stalking Fact Sheet 2Tjaden, P., & Thoennes, N. (1998). Stalking in America: Findings from the National Violence Against Women survey. National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Research in Brief. Washington, DC: U.S. Department

Power and Control

Throughout my years at Hope House I am continually asked what is domestic violence and why does it happen. The answer is simple yet very complex at the same time. It can be so hard to understand how someone who says they love another person can do such harm to them. It goes against our understanding of what is supposed to be and what we want our families to be.

So what is domestic violence? It is a pattern of coercive behavior used to establish power and control over an intimate partner. One person in the relationship uses tactics of control over his partner in order to maintain power over the partner. Those control tactics can take many forms. The most commonly known form is physical abuse.

Other forms of control include:

1) emotional abuse (name calling, constant put downs)

2) sexual abuse

3) using the children (threaten to take the children away)

4) threats of death or threats of violence to family members or pets

5) economic abuse (not allowing her to work or getting her fired due to disturbances at work)

6) stalking

Future entries will go into these methods in more detail.

Domestic violence happens in marriages, dating relationships, and with people who are living together. It affects young and old. It crosses all races, ethnicities and socio-economic levels. In other words, it can happen to anyone.

It can be happening to someone in your workplace or to your best friend. With 1 out of 4 women being a victim at some point in their lives, the likelihood of you knowing someone who is or has been a victim is very high.

If you know someone in an abusive relationship, please make sure they are aware of the resources available to them. Give them our 24 hour hotline number: 816-461-HOPE (4673) so they can access our services and get the support they need to live their lives free of abuse.