Domestic Violence Awareness Month

One of these four girls will experience domestic violence in their lives.
Photo by memoossa @ sxc.hu.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Every year in October programs across the country work to bring more awareness to this devastating issue that affects so many people in our country and across the world.

At least 1 in 4 women at some time in their life will be a victim of domestic violence. That means if I stood in a room with my mother, sister, and one co-worker, one of us will have been touched by domestic violence! It’s shocking when you put it in perspective like that.

For so long this issue has stayed behind closed doors. It was never discussed because it was a “family issue”. The more we can do to bring it into the light, the closer we are to ending it. 

Even if you are not in a relationship that is violent, this is an issue that affects us all. Why? Because the cost of domestic violence to the US economy is more than $8.3 billion¹. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity (time away from work and getting less done for not being able to focus on work).

On top of the economic issues, domestic violence is everyone’s issue because we have an obligation to look out for our fellow human beings. It’s not ok that people live in terror every day. It’s not ok that children are afraid of their fathers (or mothers).  It’s not ok that a teenage girl is hounded with hundreds of texts from her boyfriend asking “where are you?” and “who are you with?”  

By bringing attention to the issue, we are also letting people know that help is available. Please visit our website: www.hopehouse.net to see what you can do to get involved. Lives depend on it.

1Max W, Rice DP, Finkelstein E, Bardwell RA, Leadbetter S. The economic toll of intimate partner violence against women in the United States. Violence and Victims 2004;19(3):259-72.)

Talking to Your Teen

With February being Teen Dating Violence Awareness month, I thought it appropriate to discuss the issue of teen dating violence more in depth. In my opinion, it is never too early to talk about relationships and appropriate behaviors in relationships with our children. So, how can adults address these issues with the teens in their lives?

TEENS TURN TO THEIR FRIENDS FOR ADVICE

How can we talk to our teens about dating violence? First we must acknowledge that teens are not going to just come to the adults in their lives to talk.

• One study reported that when female high school students were asked whom they would talk to if someone they date is attempting to control them, insults them, or physically harms them, 86% percent said they would confide in a friend, while only 7% said they would talk to police.1

• 83% of 10th graders surveyed at the 4th Annual Teen Dating Abuse Summit reported that they would sooner turn to a friend for help with dating abuse than to a teacher, counselor, parent or other caring adult.2

• Only 33% of teens who were in an abusive relationship ever told anyone about the abuse.3

ADULTS NEED TO LEAD THE WAY

This says to me that as adults, we need to be prepared to lead the way into these conversations—be prepared to not have all the answers, but be ready to find them if needed. Start the process by gathering information about dating violence. Be aware of the red flags and the signs to look for that indicate your teen could be in trouble. Know the resources available—the teen dating violence hotline number, the Hope House hotline number, and websites specifically geared toward teens. Then start the conversations.

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR TEEN

Ask your teen about their friends and what type of experiences they have had. Some examples of questions you can ask:

• How does your partner talk to you?

• Have they asked you to do anything that made you uncomfortable?

• What are your partner’s expectations in regards to sex?

• Does your partner try to control who you can spend time with when you’re away from them?

As the parent, you’re trying to determine if the relationship is a healthy one or if there are red flags. Even if you know the parents of the partner’s family, don’t assume everything is ok. We still need to ask questions. Depending on the relationship between the adult and the teen, some of these questions will be harder than others, but often the hardest part is starting the conversation.

Hopefully we can open those channels of communication with our teens. By talking to them about their relationships, we are preventing teen violence before it happens.

RESOURCES

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474
Hope House Hotline: 816-461- HOPE (4673)
Hope House website: http://www.hopehouse.net/
Teen websites: www.loveisrespect.org and www.loveisnotabuse.com

1Tiffany J. Zwicker, Education Policy Brief, “The Imperative of Developing Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Intervention Programs in Secondary Schools.” 12 Southern California Review of Law and Women’s Studies, 131, (2002).
2 The Northern Westchester Shelter, with Pace Women’s Justice Center, (April 2003).
3 Liz Claiborne Inc., Conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, (February 2005).

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

Domestic violence occurs across all spectrums of socio-economics, ethnicity, and age. We must address the issue of teens being victims of violence if we are going to break the cycle.  February has been designate as Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, bringing much needed attention and resources to the issue of dating violence.

Statistics show:

• Approximately one in three adolescent girls in the United States is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner—a figure that far exceeds victimization rates for other types of violence affecting youth.1

• One in five tweens—age 11 to 14—say their friends are victims of dating violence and nearly half who are in relationships know friends who are verbally abused. Two in five of the youngest tweens, ages 11 and 12, report that their friends are victims of verbal abuse in relationships.1

• Teen victims of physical dating violence are more likely than their non-abused peers to smoke, use drugs, engage in unhealthy diet behaviors (taking diet pills or laxatives, and vomiting to lose weight), engage in risky sexual behaviors, and attempt or consider suicide.1

Digital abuse is a growing form of abuse, particularly among teens. Teens have cell phones, are sending text messages, instant messages and blogging. These new technologies bring with them risk of digital abuse, which can include unwanted, repeated calls or text messages; breaking into email or social networking accounts; or being pressured to send private or embarrassing pictures or videos. Though this issue has gone largely undetected by most adults, it is prevalent in teen life.1

One in three teens say they have been text messaged 10, 20 or 30 times an hour by a partner wanting to know where they are, what they’re doing, or who they’re with. 2 One in four teens in a relationship have been called names, harassed or put down by their partner through cell phones and texting. More than half of teen girls (51 percent) say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images, and 18 percent of teen boys say pressure from a girl is a reason.3

Our children are our greatest asset and we must protect them. We, as parents, must stay aware of the dangers and address the issues head on with our children. Talk to your children about dating violence and what they or their friends are experiencing. Educate yourself to the dangers and the new ways that abuse is happening. There are many resources available for teens that have experienced dating violence and educational materials for parents and teens to learn more about this very important issue.

Resources:
http://www.endabuse.org/
http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/

1From the Family Violence Prevention fund website (http://www.endabuse.org/)
2 Technology and Teen Dating Abuse Survey, 2007 (conducted by Liz Claiborne and Teen Research Unlimited
3Sex and Tech Survey, National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 2008