Physical Abuse vs. Fiscal Abuse

               

Most of the news about domestic violence focuses on physical abuse. But, not too many think of the hidden abuses that survivors and families face.

In some cases, fiscal – or financial – abuse can be just as debilitating for a domestic violence victim as physical abuse. The question, “why doesn’t she just leave” is often asked, and one of the answers to that question is finances.

·         Where will the survivor turn with no money?

·         If kids are involved, how will she provide for them if she does not have a job?

·         How can she apply for any mortgage or lease with damaged credit due to the abuser’s economic abuse?

These are questions that come up in 98 percent of abusive relationships. Economic abuse can take on different forms. It could be the abuser’s complete control over the finances, forcing the victim to ask for even a little money or as drastic as intentionally destroying the victim’s credit through credit charges or false claims.

In an article in Forbes Magazine earlier this year, a survivor describes her domestic violence relationship. While she was put on bedrest during her pregnancy, she quickly realized how much her husband was controlling the family finances. Spending more time at home, she started seeing credit card bills and eviction notices in the mail.

When she was able to go back to work, her husband went as far as calling her employer to find out exactly how much she was making. Things got progressively worse and escalated physically. In the end, she left him, but realized she had no economic knowledge. She applied for a job at a bank “on a whim” she says. Now, she is divorced, doing better financially and has a decent savings account.

Stories like this are not unlike those we hear from the survivors and families we help.

Just recently one survivor told Hope House supporters of a time when her husband became physically abusive after finding her secret stash of money she was slowly accumulating in a safe place so she could afford to leave with her children.

The stress of worrying about finances greatly restricts the victim from being able to escape. It destroys self-esteem because the survivor cannot provide for herself or children. And, it could even ruin the survivor’s financial future if her credit has been seriously damaged.

The economic impact of domestic violence is staggering. According to several studies, domestic violence costs the U.S., $8 billion annually in medical costs ($5.8 billion) and lost productivity ($2.5 billion).

The National Network to End Domestic Violence includes a list of examples of financial abuse on its website. Some include:

-          Not allowing the victim access to bank accounts

-          Withholding funds for the victim or children to obtain basic needs such as food and medicine

-          Stealing the victim’s identity, property or inheritance

-          Withholding money or giving “an allowance”

-          Filing false insurance claims

To view the full list, click here.

Tips to consider if you or someone you know is in a financially-abusive relationship:

-          Start acquiring all financial information for you and your family, including: birth certificates, bank statements, and other personal documents. Keep them with a friend or somewhere safe outside of the home

-          Get a copy of your credit report. You are able to get one credit report free of charge annually. Check with the three main credit entities (Equifax, Experian, Trans Union) for details

-          Find ways to earn a little cash on the side and have someone keep it safe for you

-          Work on your budget if you were to leave and plan accordingly

And lastly, if you have more questions, contact our hotline at 816-461-HOPE (4673).

If you would like to support survivors and families of domestic and financial abuse, check out the Purple Purse Challenge fundraising page at www.crowdrise.com/hopehouse3. 

Kander visits Hope House for DV Awareness Month

LEE’S SUMMIT, Missouri -- Missouri Secretary of State Jason Kander visited Hope House today to learn more about the shelter and services provided to clients as part of October’s Domestic Violence Awareness month.

Kander was specifically interested in the success of Missouri’s “Safe at Home” program that is administered through his office to provide victims of abuse residence identification alternatives on public records.

 “We are excited to welcome Secretary Kander to our office and show him the great work we are doing in eastern Jackson County,” said MaryAnne Metheny, Hope House chief executive officer. “Violence is 75 percent more prevalent when victims courageously decide to leave their abuser. That is why we choose to be a Safe at Home program agent.”

Metheny also provided a tour to Kander and law enforcement officials in attendance.

“We appreciate the staff’s help with the Safe at Home program,” said Kander. “Having that help from the frontline is crucial to programs like Safe at Home. So, it’s encouraging to go to places like Hope House where people share such a passion for their work.”

The Safe at Home program has protected more than 2,000 Missourians since it began. It is not to be confused with a witness protection program, but another tool available for victims to protect themselves from their abusers, Kander said.

“Hope House was one of the first agents for the Safe at Home program,” said Metheny. “One of our advocates was the 69th registered agent in the state. Now, she and 27 other advocates educate roughly 30 victims a month as well as local police officers and hospital staff on the benefits of the program.”

Domestic Violence Awareness month began in October 1987, which was the year the first national toll-free domestic violence hotline began. Purple is worn throughout the month to promote awareness.

Hope House is Missouri’s largest domestic violence shelter. Founded more than 30 years ago, the organization provides a 122-bed shelter; a 24-hour crisis hotline; outreach therapy groups and child care services; legal services to assist victims; and a speakers’ bureau to educate law enforcement, hospital staff and volunteers.

For more information about Hope House, please call 816-257-9363 or visit www.hopehouse.net. For the 24-hour Hotline, please call 816-461-HOPE (4673).

Domestic Violence Awareness Month Continues...

I had the opportunity to attend a very thought provoking workshop presented by the KC Metropolitan Bar Foundation. Jackson Katz was the presenting speaker.

Jackson Katz is an educator, author, filmmaker and social theorist who has long been recognized as one of America's leading anti-sexist male activists. Mr. Katz spent four hours discussing men’s violence against women in our society and how our language and actions have continued to perpetuate this grave and serious problem. I would like to spend some time in October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, discussing what I learned from the lecture. I have been working in the domestic violence field for a long time and I still found myself learning new things and hearing new thoughts on how to approach this very old and growing problem in our society.

The first thing I took away from the lecture was his thought that we don’t really need an Awareness Month for domestic violence. Our society is very aware of the issue of domestic violence but what we need now is action. Let’s take action which will lead to the end of the violence. I found this interesting and thought provoking. How can we make this happen? What can I do to lead this type of movement?

Mr. Katz spent the first part of the lecture discussing our language as we discuss domestic violence or, as he says, “Men’s Violence Against Women”. Yes, there are other types of violence—men against men, women against women, women against men—but the overwhelming majority of domestic violence is men against women. He says let’s call it what it is. But he also acknowledged that is difficult to do. Programs that are struggling cannot risk alienating supporters who may not be comfortable hearing those terms. They fear push back from partners in the community who might not want to be so forceful in the messaging. It is a balancing act and one that can come with a price.

He described how our language doesn’t hold men accountable for their violence. When talking about victims and perpetrators, we degender the perpetrator and gender the victim. What does that mean? It means we call victims, women, she, her or assign a gender to the victim. When discussing perpetrators we don’t do that. We call them perpetrators, abusers, or assign their profession, stockbroker, laborer etc. No gender assigned. What happens if we say he, men, husband when discussing the perpetrator. Assign a gender and it takes a more active approach and doesn’t hide accountability. For example notice the difference in the language below taken from a scenario presented at the conference:

                John beat Mary                                                

                Mary was beaten by John                            

                Mary was beaten                                             

                Mary was battered                                          

                Mary is a battered woman                            

What happened here? Focus and accountability moves away from John and Mary as the victim becomes the only focus. In the end, John is gone completely and we are only focused on Mary as the victim. I found this extremely powerful.

I left the workshop with a renewed sense of passion to do this work. I noticed I am looking at it differently and being more aware of my words. How do I speak of men’s violence against women? How am I playing a part in perpetuating the cycle of not holding him accountable for his violence? I encourage you to go to Mr. Katz’s website to learn more about his thoughts and what he has done to bring attention to the issue of men’s violence against women jacksonkatz.com. To learn more about what Hope House is doing or what you can do to get involved, visit our website: hopehouse.net

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month evolved from the Day of Unity conceived by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. In October 1987 the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was observed. (Adapted from the 1996 Domestic Violence Awareness Month Resource Manual of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.) Every year in October programs across our country bring awareness to this issue that affects so many lives here and across the world. Domestic violence is vicious, traumatic and we need to keep addressing it until it stops.

This awareness month is an opportunity for everyone to celebrate those who have survived, mourn those who have died and help those who are still in violent relationships. This is an issue that affects us all. Even if you are not in a relationship that is violent, domestic violence still impacts you. You most likely know someone who is or has been abused. Even when you don’t know someone you most likely feel the economic and social impact it has on society as a whole. Your neighbor, your classmate, your co-worker, your sister or your mother could be a victim or it could be you. People who experience domestic violence live in terror every day; they are repeatedly traumatized and victimized. It continues to sadden me that there are people in our community that do not know there are resources available to them. We still have a lot of work to do to make sure that everyone who is in need knows there is help available. 

The more we do to bring light to this issue the closer we are to bringing it to an end. Domestic violence is not the fault of the victim and they alone cannot stop the violence. It will take the entire community working together to bring an end to the violence. Abusers need to be held accountable for their behavior and we need to ensure victims are aware of the services available to them. As we bring attention to the issue we can bring awareness of services to those in need. Statistics show that 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence at some point in her life. In our country 3 people die every day due to domestic violence. That is unacceptable. If we all work together we can do it, we can break the cycle and bring an end to the violence. 

If you are in need of assistance please call our hotline: 816-461-HOPE.

To learn how to get involved and help break the cycle of violence please visit our website at  hopehouse.net

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

It's already February! Hard to believe how fast time has gone. February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. It is so crucial to bring continued awareness to the issue of teen dating violence. If we don't address it when people are young, we will never fully break the continued cycle.

Shockingly, 1 in 3 teens will experience violence in their dating relationship. Estimates are that nearly 1.5 million high schools students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner! What's even more shocking is that 2/3 of them will not reveal the abuse to a trusted adult. That means there are many young adults carrying around with them a very tragic and very dangerous secret.

Teen dating violence can have long lasting effects and very serious ramifications. It can put a teen at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence. Half of youth who have been victims of both dating violence and rape attempt suicide. That's compared to 12.5% of non abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys. Those numbers are frightening.

What can be done? Parents can get involved. Talk to your teens about who they are dating and what is going on in the relationship. Be aware of the signs of an abusive relationship and have open communication with your teens so that it is safe for them to talk about what is going on. Also, download the iPhone app “Love is not Abuse”. There is a wealth of information to learn about  the signs, how to talk to teens, what to do, support groups etc. It's important to be informed and to take action.

If you're not a parent of a teen, it's still important to take notice. Most likely you know of a teen somewhere or will encounter one at some point in the future. It's important that we all take notice and work to stop the violence.

For more information visit the Hope House website: hopehouse.net or visit loveisrespect.org. If you're in a teen violent relationship there is help. Call the Teen Dating Violence hotline 1-866-331-9474 or the Hope House hotline 816-461-HOPE. You don't have to experience this alone.

October is DV Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Every year in October, programs across our country bring awareness to this issue that affects so many people here and across the world. DV is vicious and traumatic. We need to talk about it, not just in October, but all year long, until it stops.

How does talking about it help? Once you know what DV is, you will start to recognize when it’s happening to someone you know: your neighbor, your classmate, your co-worker, your sister, your mother, or maybe even yourself.Once you recognize it, you can do something about it. Give the person in the abusive situation your support – let them know it’s not their fault. Give them a hotline phone number and encourage them to call it. Let them know that they’re not alone, and that there are programs available to help them.
As awareness increases, so does the realization that there are so many in need of help:

 

·       At least one in four women will be a victim of domestic violence at some time in their life.

·         Three people die every day in our country due to domestic violence.

This is unacceptable to me.  If we all work together, we can break the cycle and end the violence. Please visit our website www.hopehouse.net to see what you can do to get involved. For example:

·         Give someone our hotline number (816-461-HOPE).

·         Volunteer to answer the hotline.

·         Ask someone from Hope House to speak at your office about recognizing DV in the workplace.

We need your help. People’s lives depend on it.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

One of these four girls will experience domestic violence in their lives.
Photo by memoossa @ sxc.hu.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Every year in October programs across the country work to bring more awareness to this devastating issue that affects so many people in our country and across the world.

At least 1 in 4 women at some time in their life will be a victim of domestic violence. That means if I stood in a room with my mother, sister, and one co-worker, one of us will have been touched by domestic violence! It’s shocking when you put it in perspective like that.

For so long this issue has stayed behind closed doors. It was never discussed because it was a “family issue”. The more we can do to bring it into the light, the closer we are to ending it. 

Even if you are not in a relationship that is violent, this is an issue that affects us all. Why? Because the cost of domestic violence to the US economy is more than $8.3 billion¹. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity (time away from work and getting less done for not being able to focus on work).

On top of the economic issues, domestic violence is everyone’s issue because we have an obligation to look out for our fellow human beings. It’s not ok that people live in terror every day. It’s not ok that children are afraid of their fathers (or mothers).  It’s not ok that a teenage girl is hounded with hundreds of texts from her boyfriend asking “where are you?” and “who are you with?”  

By bringing attention to the issue, we are also letting people know that help is available. Please visit our website: www.hopehouse.net to see what you can do to get involved. Lives depend on it.

1Max W, Rice DP, Finkelstein E, Bardwell RA, Leadbetter S. The economic toll of intimate partner violence against women in the United States. Violence and Victims 2004;19(3):259-72.)