Emotional Abuse

In an earlier blog I wrote about the different types of physical abuse. Today I would like to focus on emotional abuse.

In my experience, this type of abuse can be extremely devastating to the victim. Contrary to the children’s rhyme, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”, words do and can hurt… and hurt very deeply.

Emotional abuse is a part of the pattern of controlling behavior. This is a particularly vicious way of hurting someone by cutting to the very core of their being.

Many of those who have been victims of domestic violence will tell you that it was the accusations, the name calling, and the demeaning words that really damaged their self esteem. The physical wounds healed, but the emotional scars take much longer.

Emotional abuse causes the victim to question their self worth, their ability to make decisions, their ability to parent their children, and their ability to really trust their perception of the situation.

They start to believe what is being said to them: that they are stupid, they will lose their children, they can’t survive without the abuser, they are ugly. The list goes on and on. They begin to question everything about themselves and their worth and value as a person.

The therapists at Hope House work with the clients on addressing the issue of their low self esteem and help the clients to begin to understand what has happened to them. They work with them to trust themselves and their decisions.

Healing from the wounds of emotional abuse can be a difficult road of recovery but it is wonderful to see someone blossom and become their own person again.

That is our work: to help guide people on their journey of self discovery. Sometimes for the very first time; other times, it is a reclaiming of their lost self. Either way it is an honor for us to accompany them on their journey.

Power and Control

Throughout my years at Hope House I am continually asked what is domestic violence and why does it happen. The answer is simple yet very complex at the same time. It can be so hard to understand how someone who says they love another person can do such harm to them. It goes against our understanding of what is supposed to be and what we want our families to be.

So what is domestic violence? It is a pattern of coercive behavior used to establish power and control over an intimate partner. One person in the relationship uses tactics of control over his partner in order to maintain power over the partner. Those control tactics can take many forms. The most commonly known form is physical abuse.

Other forms of control include:

1) emotional abuse (name calling, constant put downs)

2) sexual abuse

3) using the children (threaten to take the children away)

4) threats of death or threats of violence to family members or pets

5) economic abuse (not allowing her to work or getting her fired due to disturbances at work)

6) stalking

Future entries will go into these methods in more detail.

Domestic violence happens in marriages, dating relationships, and with people who are living together. It affects young and old. It crosses all races, ethnicities and socio-economic levels. In other words, it can happen to anyone.

It can be happening to someone in your workplace or to your best friend. With 1 out of 4 women being a victim at some point in their lives, the likelihood of you knowing someone who is or has been a victim is very high.

If you know someone in an abusive relationship, please make sure they are aware of the resources available to them. Give them our 24 hour hotline number: 816-461-HOPE (4673) so they can access our services and get the support they need to live their lives free of abuse.