Rape

There has been a lot in the media lately about victim responsibility and the culture of violence in our community. I, like many others, was horrified by the images seen on TV of a young woman unconscious and being dragged around by classmates who were laughing and enjoying themselves at her expense. What was even more horrifying to me was that that image was only the tip of the iceberg as to what happened to that young woman that evening. Two high school boys, both football stars in their town, were convicted of raping her that evening.

What is sickening to me is that those boys didn’t think they did anything wrong; they certainly didn’t believe they were guilty of rape. What is sad to me is that  the tears seen at the trial were not because they were devastated that they had done wrong and harmed this young woman and changed her life forever, but because they were found guilty and were going to go to juvenile detention for one year. Where was their recognition of the crime they had committed and their ownership of responsibility? Where was the understanding from the other young people at the party who were taking pictures, tweeting them and taking videos with their phones, that what was happening was a crime and this young woman was the victim? It doesn’t appear from the news report that there was any understanding by anyone. They thought it was funny, a joke. And it certainly doesn’t appear that anyone thought to try to stop them. One article talked about how a young man had, just moments earlier, stopped his friend from driving because he was drunk and shouldn’t be behind the wheel. He took responsibility to stop his friend from making this grave mistake, but moments later didn’t think to take that same responsibility and stop his other friends from raping an unconscious young woman. I have to ask why? Why didn’t anyone think this was wrong? 

I am also very troubled by the media coverage of this event. Why are we focusing on the victim and her responsibility in this? Yes, it appears she drank too much as it appears everyone at the party did. Also noting that everyone was underage, but that is a whole different blog topic. Because a young woman drinks too much doesn’t mean she wants to be raped. It doesn’t mean that other party goers can do whatever they want with her. It means she drank too much. Once again our society is trained to blame the victim and leave the responsibility to her, not to the perpetrators. 

What is the answer? For starters we all must stop blaming the victim. Battered women don’t ask to be abused and rape victims don’t “have it coming” because of their attire, their state of consciousness, etc. As a society we need to change our focus. What do we do to prevent rape? It isn’t about telling a woman what to wear, how to wear her hair, how to fight back or whatever other strategies we all say to our daughters and sisters and women in our lives. We stop rape by not having people rape other people. Put the responsibility where it belongs, on the perpetrator. Let’s have lists of things people can do to prevent themselves from raping others such as, if you feel like raping someone today, don’t. 

There is hope, I saw a video that showed a young woman unconscious on a couch and a young man saying, “Look at her. Let me show you what I am going to do to her.” He then proceeded to get her a pillow and a blanket to cover her up. He then said real men respect women. I am ever hopeful that message will be heard and that becomes the culture in our society.

National Violence Survey Results

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recently released the results from their first National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS).  The CDC website describes the survey as:

“The survey collects data on past-year experiences of violence as well as lifetime experiences of violence. The 2010 survey is the first year of the survey and provides baseline data that will be used to track trends in sexual violence, stalking and intimate partner violence (IPV). CDC developed NISVS to better describe and monitor the magnitude of these forms of violence in the United States.”

The results of the survey were not surprising, but at the same time frustrating, as it show how desperately our work is still needed. The findings from the 2010 survey show that intimate partner violence, stalking and sexual assault are widespread in our country. The findings highlight the severity of the violence and lifelong health consequences.

• 1.3 million women were raped during the year preceding the survey
• Nearly 1 in 5 women have been raped in their lifetime
• 1 in 6 women have been stalked during their lifetime
• 1 in 4 women have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner
• 1 in 71 men have been raped in their lifetime
• 1 in 19 men have experienced stalking in their lifetime
• 1 in 7 men experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner

The CDC report summarizes what is going on in our country: 

“Overall, lifetime and one year estimates for sexual violence, stalking and intimate partner violence were alarmingly high for adult Americans; with intimate partner violence (IPV) alone affecting more than 12 million people each year. 

Women are disproportionately impacted. They experienced high rates of severe IPV, rape and stalking, and long-term chronic disease and other health impacts such as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) symptoms. 

NISVS also shows that most rape and IPV is first experienced before age 24, highlighting the importance of preventing this violence before it occurs to ensure that all people can live life to their fullest potential”.

We have a lot of work still to do. Thank you for helping us serve the thousands of people in our metro area that are impacted by these crimes every day. 

To see the full report you can go to www.cdc.gov.

Katie Piper's Story

I found myself once again watching 20/20 on a Friday evening, this time without my daughter. The story was too graphic and painful for her, so she chose to sit this one out.

The story was of Katie Piper, a young woman in her 20s living in London. She was a model and a budding TV presenter. She was enjoying her life, her job, and the successes she was having. She met a young man, Danny, and they began dating. It was then her world fell apart.

In retrospect she saw the red flags were there immediately. He was possessive, jealous, controlling, easily angered, and wanted to move very quickly in the relationship. One evening he took her to a hotel room and brutally raped and abused her for over eight hours. She was only able to leave after she convinced him that they could still be a couple. She was so frightened by what had happened she didn’t leave her “flat” for two days and didn’t talk to anyone.

Danny bombarded her with emails and phone calls. She finally agreed to leave the flat to go to an internet café to get an email he had sent her. What she didn’t know at the time was that Danny was on the phone with Stefan Sylvestre, giving him a description of Katie. Stefan met Katie on the street and threw a cup of sulfuric acid in her face.

Katie survived the attack, which happened March 31, 2008. She has endured countless surgeries and pain so severe that at one point she begged her mother to kill her. She endured the trial of Danny and was grateful when he was given two life prison sentences; one for arranging the attack, the other for the rape.

She had peace of mind for now that he couldn’t hurt her again, as he will serve at least 16 years. Her sentence, however, is for life. She will never be “over” the attack. She will always have scars and physical injuries that will need treatment. The fear doesn’t ever really go away.

Katie was so courageous in telling her story. Her story is horrific and the damage done to this young woman was beyond imagination. But she did survive! As did her will and her determination. She has made amazing progress in her physical recovery as well as her emotional recovery. She is an amazing young woman who has been through more than anyone should ever have to endure.

I am thankful for her telling her story, as hard as it was to watch and comprehend. She is a survivor and an inspiration for all who have been victimized by someone who was supposed to care about them. She has given me continued hope and strengthened my determination to continue the quest of ending the violence.

To read the story or watch the video:
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/KatiePiper/katie-piper-shares-hopes-resolutions-2010/story?id=9511551