It's No Laughing Matter: Part II

Last week, Hope House introduced Part I of our new #ItsNoLaughingMatter campaign as part of the 2014 #GivingTuesday (click here if you missed it).

Here is another “joke” mocking victims of domestic violence.

Posts and comments like this are starting to become all too common today. In order to help society understand that domestic violence is no laughing matter, Hope House is sharing advocate stories leading up to #GivingTuesday on December 2.

This week, we wanted to share a story from Brittny:

“During a group session at Hope House, one of the clients shared her story. She got into an argument with her ex-boyfriend after he broke into her home. She ran away for help, and in the process he shot her twice. After that, he pulled her into his car and drove off. Not knowing what he was going to do next, she risked it, opened the truck door and jumped out at 70 miles per hour. She didn’t have any other options.  It’s real.”

Notice this story was between an ex-boyfriend and the victim. Violence is 75 percent more prevalent after the victim leaves. On #GivingTuesday, December 2nd, please stand with Hope House to show domestic violence is no laughing matter. You can stand with us today by forwarding this to others. Help spread the word about domestic violence.

Can't wait to give until #GivingTuesday? Give now HERE!

Kander visits Hope House for DV Awareness Month

LEE’S SUMMIT, Missouri -- Missouri Secretary of State Jason Kander visited Hope House today to learn more about the shelter and services provided to clients as part of October’s Domestic Violence Awareness month.

Kander was specifically interested in the success of Missouri’s “Safe at Home” program that is administered through his office to provide victims of abuse residence identification alternatives on public records.

 “We are excited to welcome Secretary Kander to our office and show him the great work we are doing in eastern Jackson County,” said MaryAnne Metheny, Hope House chief executive officer. “Violence is 75 percent more prevalent when victims courageously decide to leave their abuser. That is why we choose to be a Safe at Home program agent.”

Metheny also provided a tour to Kander and law enforcement officials in attendance.

“We appreciate the staff’s help with the Safe at Home program,” said Kander. “Having that help from the frontline is crucial to programs like Safe at Home. So, it’s encouraging to go to places like Hope House where people share such a passion for their work.”

The Safe at Home program has protected more than 2,000 Missourians since it began. It is not to be confused with a witness protection program, but another tool available for victims to protect themselves from their abusers, Kander said.

“Hope House was one of the first agents for the Safe at Home program,” said Metheny. “One of our advocates was the 69th registered agent in the state. Now, she and 27 other advocates educate roughly 30 victims a month as well as local police officers and hospital staff on the benefits of the program.”

Domestic Violence Awareness month began in October 1987, which was the year the first national toll-free domestic violence hotline began. Purple is worn throughout the month to promote awareness.

Hope House is Missouri’s largest domestic violence shelter. Founded more than 30 years ago, the organization provides a 122-bed shelter; a 24-hour crisis hotline; outreach therapy groups and child care services; legal services to assist victims; and a speakers’ bureau to educate law enforcement, hospital staff and volunteers.

For more information about Hope House, please call 816-257-9363 or visit www.hopehouse.net. For the 24-hour Hotline, please call 816-461-HOPE (4673).

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

You just have to turn on your TV set to know that domestic violence is everywhere. Unfortunately, teens are no exception. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month—offering the opportunity to learn more on the subject and get advice about how to speak to teens about it. Educating kids about what teen dating violence is, how to spot it and what to do about it, can help to keep them safe and happy, as well as lay the groundwork for well-balanced, healthy relationships in the future. And, as teen dating violence is a growing problem, it’s important.

It may seem shocking to contemplate discussing a subject as dark as domestic violence with such a young audience, but unhealthy relationships often start early in life. And, sadly, they can last a lifetime. The numbers are painfully telling:

• One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a partner they are dating—a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
• One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
• Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced. 

What is Teen Dating Violence?

Dating violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to have control and power over a dating partner. It can be physical (hitting, pinching, shoving, etc.), emotional (threatening, shaming or bullying behavior or isolation of a partner—keeping them away from friends and/or family), sexual (forcing sex), or stalking.

Dating violence doesn’t always happen in person. Increasingly it is electronic harassment like constant texting or embarrassing posts online. If you find that violent behaviors are growing in your relationship, it can be very dangerous. Especially for young people who deal with more peer pressure and are less experienced in relationships than the average adult.

Once you know what to look for, patterns of control are easy to spot. Sometimes it starts as simple teasing or name calling. Some of that might seem quite normal, but it can quickly become more serious, leading to more controlling or even violent behavior.

Warning Signs

As relationships vary so greatly, it’s sometimes difficult to know when a behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or when it becomes abusive. Be on the lookout for these warning signs:

• Checking your cell phone or email without permission
• Constantly putting you down
• Extremely jealous or insecure
• Explosive temper
• Isolating you from family or friends
• Mood swings
• Physically hurting you in any way
• Possessiveness
• Telling you what to do
• Repeatedly pressuring you to have sex
• Pressuring you to send sexually suggestive texts or emails

Why Concentrate on Young People?

• According to the Bureau of Justice, young women ages 16-24 are most vulnerable.
• Violent behavior typically begins between the ages of 12 and 18.
• The severity of domestic violence is often greater in cases where the pattern of abuse was established in adolescence.
• Violent relationships in adolescence can put victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence.
• Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STD.

Not happening around you? Not true.

With one in three teens experiencing violence in their dating relationships, the need for awareness is strong. And with only 33% of teens in a violent relationship even telling anyone about the abuse, clearly we need to start the conversation. If your child isn’t experiencing it personally, chances are they know someone who is and can be of help given the right information.

Teaching teens what is healthy and what is not can go a long way in giving them the tools they need to create healthy relationships that can last them their lifetimes.

To learn more, go to loveisrespect.org, teendvmonth.org or breakthecycle.org.

This article appears in the February 2014 issue of Lee's Summit Lifestyle Magazine.

January is Stalking Awareness

Anyone who has been the victim of stalking can tell you, it’s a terrifying experience and a reprehensible way of controlling a person—instilling a sense of fear and powerlessness.

Just think of it… someone watching you at any given moment, following you or lying in wait, threatening you… it can keep you off balance, anxious and full of mistrust. In fact, 46% of stalking victims say that fear of not knowing what’s next impacts them deeply. And it is further terrorizing not know if it will ever stop.

Stalking impacts victims in every area of life—1 in 8 lose time from work and 1 in 7 move as a result—affecting them financially and professionally. Emotionally, it takes a tremendous toll—anxiety, insomnia and severe depression are all prevalent among those being stalked.

Although victims are frequently targeted by someone they know—66% of female and 41% of male victims are stalked by current of former partners—sometimes a person has no idea who the perpetrator is.

Stalking affects 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men in the United States. It’s becoming prevalent. A month of awareness allows us the opportunity to get information out about this menacing crime, learn more about it and give access to some useful resources.

Some important facts:

·         Women are nearly 3 times more likely to be stalked than men.

·         The majority of stalkers are male.

·         11% of stalking victims have been stalked for 5 years or more.

·         78% of stalkers use more than one means of approach.

·         Almost 1/3 of stalkers have stalked before.

·         1 in 5 cases of stalking includes the use of a weapon.

Facts around stalking and intimate partner femicide (deaths of women):

·         76% of intimate partner femicide victims have been stalked by their intimate partner.

·         67% had been physically abused by their intimate partner.

·         89% of femicide victims who had been physically assaulted had also been stalked in the 12 months before their murder.

·         54% of femicide victims reported stalking to police before they were killed by their stalkers.

So what can you do?

In Missouri, stalking is a crime. Keep detailed records of stalking incidents. Record keeping can make all the difference in prosecuting stalking cases and can legally help to differentiate between stalking and harassment. Stalking is not just a one-time event—it’s an accumulation of events. Other things to consider:

·         Try to make sure you have witnesses and keep track of who they are.

·         Make a safety plan to help reduce your risk of harm.

·         Consider your online visibility and decide if you need to make changes to be more private.

·         Give pictures of the stalker to security and friends at work/school/etc.

·         Tell your supervisors—they have a responsibility to keep you safe at work.

·         File police reports as incidents happen.

Stalking is a serious offense and can escalate into violence. If you think you’re in immediate danger call 911 or the National Stalking Resource Center hotline: 1-800-FYI-CALL.

For more information and tools, please visit victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center.

Statistics:  victimsofcrime.org

Dealing with Domestic Violence by Pam Walden

What confusion! Dealing with domestic violence isn’t as simple as it sounds. One would think that it depends upon how severe the incident was. No. There are so many factors: length of relationship, depth of abuse, children, seriousness of relationship, length/time of abuse, pattern of abuse, support/knowledge of family and friends…. I know that getting outside of one’s self and realizing this is a LONG process is the key: faith, family, focus, friends, and facts.

Faith. While my husband’s decay occurred, through the abuse, my faith was strong, although shaken. I had so many “miracles” during his attempt to murder me that I can’t go into all of them here. One of the biggest is that I had two witnesses when I lived on acreage on a Friday afternoon at 3pm. Another neighbor family across the street helped me who should NOT have been home.

Family. My family, who stood by from a distance not knowing everything, came through when it counted most—after he burned down my home. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. Family, that I don’t want to burden because they hurt so much with what I went through, did what they could—getting me a birth certificate, putting me up, cleaning the damaged cars.

Focus. After spending 11 months inventorying and dealing with my home being demolished, the divorce proceedings and more, I know that focusing on a job helped me. And I have even been able to help others. It is amazing how abused women “fall” into my path. I have told many of them about Hope House and their programs.

Friends. Well, you don’t know who is really a friend until devastation occurs. One friend offered to put my son and I up for as long as needed—including the burnt junk that I couldn’t part with yet. Another two friends drove me around since I could hardly walk and others gave me showers to replace some of the things I’d lost. Homeschoolers stepped up. Even strangers gave clothes, some money, cards.

Facts. It wasn’t my fault. I did nothing to deserve it. I am right in divorcing him.My conceal and carry is for a REAL not contrived future of protection. I can make it without him. I am worth loving. I AM surviving—no, thriving, even though it is a long, difficult journey making a new path totally unfamiliar to me. Now I have had to enter the “Safe At Home” program so my address is protected. This is not an easy journey so I take it one day at a time and enjoy what I can.

My true desire is that other women will learn from my story and know they can go on.

Pam Walden

Check out these links related to Pam’s story:

http://www.kshb.com/dpp/news/local_news/firefighters-respond-to-raymore-house-fire

http://www.onenewspage.us/video/20110930/614966/Eyewitness-Video-Raymore-House-Fire.htm#RD0Sgl2ydLEggt4v.03