Topeka, KS Repeals Domestic Violence Law

Outrage, disbelief, horror:  these are all the feelings I have had since hearing about the Topeka, Kansas City Council and their decision to repeal their domestic violence law.

You can read more about it here. 

I first saw an email about it and I immediately thought it was a hoax. I contacted a Kansas colleague and asked if this was true. To my absolute horror, it wasn’t a joke.

Anthony S. Bush/AP Photo

How did the city of Topeka come to this? The County District Attorney refused to prosecute misdemeanors due to budget cuts. Last year half of their misdemeanors were domestic violence cases.

Then the City said they couldn’t afford it either. So what was their solution? Repeal the law so domestic violence is no longer a crime in the city of Topeka in a play to force the County to step up.

REALLY?! That’s your solution? For the city and the county to play games with people’s lives is outrageous and unacceptable.

Victims of domestic violence do not matter to them; they are nothing but a cost to the city - one that they don’t want to incur. So the most vulnerable citizens are tossed aside in a political game to see who will give in first.

It makes me both incredibly sad and angry. We have worked so hard to let victims of domestic violence know that they matter; that they are worthy and deserving of a better life. We’ve worked to let them know that they don’t have to live in fear; that just because they are in a relationship with somebody doesn’t mean they can be abused.

The City of Topeka shattered that in one vote. Victim advocates in Topeka must start from scratch. They and the victims they work with are in my thoughts. Hopefully, someday soon the politics will be over and victims of domestic violence in Topeka will have the protection they deserve. But how many lives will be lost while they wait to be thought of as more than a budget line item?
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UPDATE: After the City of Topeka voted to repeal their domestic violence law and a national outcry ensued, the County District Attorney’s office has decided to once handle the prosecution of these cases. However, the domestic violence law is still repealed in the City of Topeka.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

One of these four girls will experience domestic violence in their lives.
Photo by memoossa @ sxc.hu.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Every year in October programs across the country work to bring more awareness to this devastating issue that affects so many people in our country and across the world.

At least 1 in 4 women at some time in their life will be a victim of domestic violence. That means if I stood in a room with my mother, sister, and one co-worker, one of us will have been touched by domestic violence! It’s shocking when you put it in perspective like that.

For so long this issue has stayed behind closed doors. It was never discussed because it was a “family issue”. The more we can do to bring it into the light, the closer we are to ending it. 

Even if you are not in a relationship that is violent, this is an issue that affects us all. Why? Because the cost of domestic violence to the US economy is more than $8.3 billion¹. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity (time away from work and getting less done for not being able to focus on work).

On top of the economic issues, domestic violence is everyone’s issue because we have an obligation to look out for our fellow human beings. It’s not ok that people live in terror every day. It’s not ok that children are afraid of their fathers (or mothers).  It’s not ok that a teenage girl is hounded with hundreds of texts from her boyfriend asking “where are you?” and “who are you with?”  

By bringing attention to the issue, we are also letting people know that help is available. Please visit our website: www.hopehouse.net to see what you can do to get involved. Lives depend on it.

1Max W, Rice DP, Finkelstein E, Bardwell RA, Leadbetter S. The economic toll of intimate partner violence against women in the United States. Violence and Victims 2004;19(3):259-72.)

What Does An Abuser Look Like?

Photo by Ale Paiva @ sxc.hu.

What does an abuser look like? Can you pick out an abuser walking down the street? Do they have outward signs that they are abusive?

If we could tell that someone was abusive by the way they looked, then it would be so easy to stay away from them and never get involved in the first place. Unfortunately, none of the abusers I have come into contact with have ABUSER tattooed on their forehead.

Abusers can be anyone. They are doctors, police officers, judges, politicians, plumbers, teachers, and even ministers.  There is no set of demographics that can be tied to abusers.  They are in all socio-economic classes, races, ages, religions and educational backgrounds.

There is no typical abuser, but they do appear to have some common characteristics such as jealousy, possessiveness, and low self esteem. Their sense of identity is tied to their partner. Abusers are not “out of control lunatics” that you can just pick out in a crowd. They are everyday people that terrorize their loved ones in their own homes. 

Their abuse is controlled and targeted only at the partner and sometimes their children. They are not attacking strangers on the street or getting into brawls with strangers. They are focusing their energy and abuse on their family.

You will recall that domestic violence is about power and control. Abusers want to keep their loved one under their control by whatever means necessary.

There is still research to be done on abusers: what makes some people abusive and others not, especially when they have watched this behavior as children and grown up with it. Why do some go on to abuse and others not?

There are still many questions about the human personality that remain unanswered. I am very interested in learning if abusers have anti-social personality disorder? Are they sociopaths? There is more work to do in this area to learn the answers to those questions.

A Day In the Life: Women's Advocate

Our guest blogger today is Lori, a Hope House Women's Advocate.

As a Women’s Advocate here at Hope House, I have many different roles.  No day—or hour for that matter—is ever the same. 

Today when I came into work, I spent the first few hours providing general support to the women and children who reside in shelter: 

• helped a client her medications
• helped a client take her child’s temperature
• put new sheets on the beds for an incoming family
• assisted a group of clients in working out a laundry schedule

Advocate answers the hotline.
Photo by nota @ sxc.hu

In the midst of all of that, I answered the 24-hour hotline, which is where most women first access Hope House services.  The woman on the hotline told me that her husband is verbally and physically abusive towards her. Her husband has been drinking tonight and she knows that she and her children are not safe staying at home. We make arrangements to bring them in to shelter.

When this woman and her children arrived in shelter, I made sure they had something to eat, and that they had no immediate medical needs. Then, I completed an intake process with her where I gathered general information about her situation and needs.

Tomorrow, I will meet with her again to provide her with information about power and control, red flags, the cycle of domestic violence, and safety planning.

I spend the next couple of hours of my shift meeting individually with the women who are assigned to my caseload.  During these individual meetings, I assist the women in recognizing their personal strengths and in setting goals. I provide a variety of resources and information to empower the women to make progress towards their personal goals.

No two days are ever the same in shelter, so I have learned to be very flexible. Although working as a Women’s Advocate can at times be a busy job, being able to provide support and assistance to the women in shelter is my passion. It’s most definitely a rewarding job!

Back to School

Photo by gugacurado @ sxc.hu

It seems like just yesterday I was writing about how kids spend their summer days in shelter and now it’s back to school time. As we say goodbye to summer, we welcome the fall and the new schedules that it brings to shelter.

When a family comes to shelter, one of the first tasks is to enroll the children in school. When deciding on where her children will go to school, Mom has to weigh the risks of the children attending their home school versus the challenges that come with starting in a new school.

It is so important to get the children into a routine and get their schedules in order. This structure can help the children feel “normal” and feel like they have some control. Living in a home where there is domestic violence can create chaos and a feeling of being out of control. It’s amazing how normalcy, routine and structure can really help a child to feel calm and more relaxed in their environment. 

Photo by hvaldez1 @ sxc.hu

When kids are dealing with trauma and violence at home, they often struggle in school, finding it hard to focus and stay on top of things. Once in shelter, there is a focus on helping to make school a priority and addressing any educational issues that children are facing.

We always have a need for volunteer tutors to help the children get caught up and to work with those who are struggling and facing challenges. If you can spare some time to help a child with their schoolwork, please contact Gretchen at 816-257-9342 or gschmitz@hopehouse.net.

United Way

Greater Kansas City United Way (GKCUW) will be kicking off their 2011 campaign on September 8^th. Hope House is proud to be a United Way partner agency. We recognize the good work done through United Way, and we will be involved in the campaign as well.

2011 United Way Campaign Focus

For this year’s campaign, GKCUW will focus on education, income and health.

• Education strategies will focus on helping children and youth attain their full potential.
•  Income strategies are helping people achieve financial independence and stability.
• Health strategies are focused on helping people and their neighborhoods to be safe, healthy and thriving.
• All strategies are focused on ensuring that people in Greater Kansas City have all the building blocks for a good life.

How United Way Helps Hope House

We do our part to work with United Way to ensure they have a successful campaign. If their campaign is successful, then the agencies they fund will be more successful as well.

Approximately 6% of our budget comes from United Way, funding our shelter and our therapeutic services. We agree with United Way that when people are safe they have a better chance of being healthy and thriving.

How Hope House Helps United Way

Our partnership includes participating in the United Way Day of Caring and assisting with the campaign. We have our own internal campaign with our staff members and we will go out to the community to talk with other businesses. If your company doesn’t do an internal campaign I encourage you to start one this year.

If your business does a United Way campaign, you can request a speaker from Hope House. We would be honored to come to your place of work to talk about what we do and how your dollars help us meet our goals. If you’re interested, please contact Gretchen at gschmitz@hopehouse.net or 816-257-9342.

It Can’t Happen To Me

Photo by Ben Earwicker, Garrison Photography
www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc

Many people tell me they have never known anyone who was a victim of domestic violence.  Yet, the statistics tell us that nearly three out of four (74%) Americans personally know someone who is or has been abused by their partner.  

The sheer volume of people who have had domestic violence in their lives makes it difficult for us to not know someone who been affected by domestic violence.

The Statistics

The statistics show that one out of every four women will at some point in her life be impacted by domestic violence. That’s 25% of the population! It’s staggering to think of the number of people who "know” domestic violence; who have lived it and experience it on a daily basis. With numbers like that, it’s amazing to me that so many people think it could never happen to them.

All Demographic Groups Are At Risk

When you look at the statistics about domestic violence you’ll see that it affects everyone.  Some groups are more at risk, but no one is immune.

·         Women ages 20-24 are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.

·         Women of all races are about equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner.

·         Intimate partner violence affects people regardless of income. However, people with lower annual income (below $25K) are at a 3-times higher risk of intimate partner violence than people with higher annual income (over $50K).

·         On average between 1993 and 2004, residents of urban areas experienced highest level of nonfatal intimate partner violence.

·         Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.

We all need to be aware of what domestic violence is, how it occurs, and what to do if you find yourself in a violent situation, because unfortunately, it can happen to anyone.

If you or someone you know needs help, please call our 24/7 hotline at 816-461-HOPE (4673) or visit the Hope House website.

Statistics from the Domestic Violence Resource Center website.