My Lilith Fair Experience

Sarah McLachlan presents MaryAnne
Metheny with a $4000 check.

I was lucky enough to represent Hope House at the Lilith Fair last week at the Capital Federal Park at Sandstone. 

As we’ve discussed in recent blogs, $1 from every ticket sold to the Kansas City Lilith Fair as given Hope House, who was chosen through a Choose Your Charity contest on Facebook. We received $4,000 to help us in our mission to break the cycle of domestic violence.


See our Lilith Fair pictures here.

Lilith Fair and its organizer Sarah McLachlan have been receiving negative publicity and questions regarding the necessity of Lilith Fair and if it makes sense to do it again after such a long hiatus.

Times have changed since the last Lilith Fair but does that mean it shouldn’t happen again? Yes, ticket sales are down and some tour sites have had to be cancelled, but that is happening to all concerts, unfortunately. I wish the economy was better and that people had more disposable income that they could use for entertainment such as the Lilith Fair.

It was an incredible experience and I feel sad that more people were not there to take part in it. Everyone else missed out on an amazing experience and remarkable music. In an interview on NPR, Sarah McLachlan said “it is not about ticket sales, it's about the experience of Lilith — about artists getting together to make this world a better place.”

In the same interview Sarah said, "that's one of my greatest passions: women and children. Anybody who doesn't have their own voice, or doesn't know how to reach out and have their own voice and help themselves in a bad situation. And, yes, there's a lot of horrible things going on all over the world, but as individuals, I think we all have to focus on our own gifts and our own values and bring those forth to the world the best we can.”

How perfect for Hope House to be the recipient of funds from an organization with such passion and concern for women and children. I have always felt that the mission of Hope House is to help women find their voice after it has been lost or taken away. How inspiring that Sarah feels the same way and through her advocacy and her willingness to work hard, she has helped us to do that.

I appreciate her focusing her gift of music to help others and feel incredibly fortunate that we were chosen to be Lilith’s charity. It was a wonderful experience and I would say to the naysayers: go to the concert, enjoy and don’t inject negativity into a group of people who are trying to make a difference in our world.

Lilith Fair Helps Hope House

Our guest blogger this week is Lee Marlin, Director of Marketing for Hope House.

Don’t you need a vacation day? I suggest taking off Thursday of this week (7/15) and spending the day celebrating women in music at the Lilith Fair Tour at Capital Federal Park at Sandstone. 

The show starts at 2:30pm and goes til 11pm. If you can’t take the day off, go after work; there’ll still be a lot of amazing music waiting for you.

Hope House was chosen as the winner of Lilith’s Choose Your Charity promotion. That means Hope House will receive $1 for every ticket purchased. Sandstone has a capacity of 18,000. My mind boggles when I think of what Hope House could do with $18,000! We’re sure hoping for a sell-out! Get your tickets now at http://lilithfair.com.

A few of the acts at the Kansas City stop include Sarah McLachlan, Heart, Emmylou Harris, Courtyard Hounds (2/3 of the Dixie Chicks), and locals Sara Swenson and Julia Othmer.

Lilith organizer Sarah McLachlan will be on-hand to perform, and to present the check to Hope House CEO MaryAnne Metheny. How exciting is that?!

The purchase of one ticket can support Hope House and women in music (and get you out of the office with a chance to work on your tan)… it’s a no-brainer. Hope to see you there.

Feeding 104 People 3 Meals A Day

This week's guest blogger is Hope House Director of Marketing, Lee Marlin.

Hope House operates on an extremely small food budget: $17,000 a year. That number sounds like a lot when you look at your own personal budget, but let’s break it down. We feed 104 people 3 meals per day, every day of the year. So that breaks down to $46.58 per day, or 45¢ per person, or 15¢ per meal.

I’m pretty tight with a penny, but I can’t even buy Ramen noodles for 15¢! So how does Hope House do it?

We are fortunate to have concerned and caring individuals, businesses and organizations in our communities that help us.

1. They organize food drives at work or church.
2. They buy a few extra fruit or veggies for us at the farmers market.
3. They attend state or county fairs, buy livestock and donate it to us.

Upcoming state and county fairs in the area include:

In Missouri:

1. Cass County Fair in Pleasant Hill - July 13 – 18
2. Johnson County Fair in Warrensburg – July 5 – 10
3. Missouri State Fair in Sedalia, August 12 – 22
4. American Royal, October 2010

 In Kansas:

1. Wyandotte County Fair in Kansas City, July 27 – 31
2. Johnson County Fair in Gardner, August 2 – 7
3. Kansas State Fair in Hutchinson, September 10 – 19

Every little bit helps. If you have excess fruits and veggies from your own garden, we’re happy to take them off your hands. Fresh produce is a wonderful treat for our clients. Even two home-grown tomatoes could cause considerable excitement in our kitchens!

Theraplay - Enhancing the Bond Between Mother and Child

This week’s guest blogger is Thada Pulliam, one of Hope House’s Child Therapists.

When women arrive at Hope House with their children, there is often a disconnect between them. Mom may have been distancing herself from her child in order to keep her abuser's attention off the child and focused on her.

One of our goals when working with our clients is to enhance attachment, trust, self-esteem and joyful engagement between a mom and her child. To accomplish this, we use Theraplay.

Theraplay is a structured play therapy that focuses on attachment and relationship development.

Theraplay treatment can involve:

• Structured activities such as 1) the 3-legged race where the mom is providing direction; 2) mom directing the child to copy her eye or hand movements.

• Engaging activities:  1) the child hides a cotton ball within their clothes and mom must find it; 2) hand games such as creating a special hand shake, or playing patty cake.

• Nurturing activities:  1) mom checks the hands, arms, legs and feet for hurts, and then applies lotion with soft strokes while singing a lullaby; 2) while applying lotion to feet, mom recites “this little piggy”.

• Challenge activities: 1) mom places an item such as a book or pillow on the child for the child to balance; 2) thumb wrestling.

As a result of these activities, we hope to re-establish a sense of specialness, togetherness and fun between mom and her child.

How You Can Help

When I meet people and they learn I work at Hope House, often the first question asked is “what do you need and how can I help?”

The simple answer is:  there are so many ways! The following list is not exhaustive by any means, but are ideas to get you started.

• Make a donation to Hope House and utilize the tax credits that we have available. Money is our largest and most pressing need.
• Volunteer – help us in the office, with clients, or with special events.
• Organize a drive to replenish our daily living items for 104 in-shelter clients such as paper goods, toiletries, food.
• Collect cell phones and toner cartridges that we can recycle for cash.
• Invite us to your next group meeting so we can let people know about our services and how they can get involved.
• Come for a tour and learn more about what we do and generate interest amongst co-workers and family members.
• Sponsor a Jeans Day at your office.
• Organize an event for us and donate the proceeds to Hope House.

Be creative in your thinking. We are open to new ideas and would love to brainstorm with you. Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you have questions or ideas on ways to get involved.

Coming to Shelter

Coming to shelter can be one of the most intimidating steps a survivor takes on her road to escape abuse. Leaving behind all that she knows and all that she has can be scary.

The first couple of days in shelter will be spent adjusting to the new routines and getting oriented. Kids will need to be enrolled in school, if the decision is made to change schools. If she decides to keep the kids in their home school, that school is contacted to arrange transportation for the child.

Our goal is to make the shelter environment as home-like as possible. We want to make sure she and her children have stability, and feel safe and secure. We provide everything that they need: toilet paper, paper towels, tooth paste, shampoo and other personal care items, clothing, and meals. Residents don’t have to worry about spending money on these things because we are able to get most of the items donated by our caring community.

Each woman in shelter is assigned an Advocate. The advocates work with her to identify her strengths, areas of need, her goals, and obstacles to accomplishing her goals. To help her on that path, we offer individual and group counseling (for both women and children), parenting support and substance abuse counseling.

We do not have a set length of stay for shelter. We feel strongly that everyone’s needs are different. It’s difficult to say that in 60 days a woman will have her needs addressed and now it’s time for her to leave shelter.

We do not tell women what to do or what to think, but help them to determine what they want for themselves as they begin their journey toward a life free of abuse.

Hope House's 24/7 Hotline

I am often asked how people come into our services and how they learn about all that we offer. The simple answer is they call our confidential 24-hour hotline number. Calling the hotline is often the first step a person takes to reach out to another person. It is frequently the first time that the caller has talked to anyone about what is going on in their home with their partner.

The hotline operators have many resources available to them to discuss with victims, family members or concerned individuals. You do not have to be a victim of domestic violence to call the hotline. If you know or suspect someone is being abused, you can call the hotline for resource and referral information.

When someone calls the hotline, we do not force them to make any decisions. We do not tell them what they should do. We offer resources and information so that the caller can make the best decision for herself. In domestic violence situations the ability to make decisions has been taken away. Our goal is to empower all of our callers to decide for themselves what is right for them, and what they want and need.

Whatever the caller decides, we will support. If she decides not to come into shelter, we make sure she has the information she needs and a safety plan in place. If the time comes that she decides shelter is for her, she will know what to do and will have the tools in place to make it happen.

The Hope House hotline number is 816-461-HOPE. In our last fiscal year we received 5,228 hotline calls. That is an average of 14 calls per day. There is someone from Hope House waiting to help you 24/7.