National Crime Victims' Rights Week

Every year in April a week is set aside to honor victims of crime. This year April 22-28 is set aside as National Crime Victims’ Rights Week. The theme for this year is "Extending the Vision: Reaching Every Victim".

I think it is extremely important to take a moment and honor those who have been traumatized by crime. There are so many types of crimes and victims in our country every year, many that go unnoticed and unrecognized. There are many agencies and people working to alleviate crime, but unfortunately we are not there yet.

At Hope House our mission is break the cycle of violence and to offer services to those who are victims of the crime of domestic violence. Many people still do not think of domestic violence as a crime, but think of it as a "family matter". It is a crime and many in our community are partnering with us to stop this hideous crime from continuing to affect another generation.

We are grateful for all those who work with us to provide services to our clients so they can live a life free of abuse:

• Police
• Prosecutors
• Probation and parole
• Physicians and dentists
• Social workers
• Attorneys 
• And many others too numerous to list

We are grateful for all they do to help our clients get back on their feet. We couldn’t do what we do without those partnerships.

During this week, let’s all take a moment to stop and think about those who have been victimized and who need help and support. If you know someone who has been a victim of a crime, I encourage you to reach out to them with a listening ear, or support in some other way. Recovering from a crime is not easy and every bit of support helps.

Why Do They Stay?

Our guest blogger this week is Kerry Oliver, Hope House Board Member.

It’s the BIG DAY in your life and you are marrying the man of your dreams! Your family is all there, you’ve spent more money on the wedding and reception than you planned, but it’s all going to be worth it. You have a few things that are in the back of your mind that are not quite what you expected from the man of your dreams, but you are thinking that will change after you are married.

As the months and years go by, the control of what you are allowed to wear, where you are allowed to go, who you are allowed to talk to, when you can see your family… first it felt like he really cared and really loved you.  But as the look in his eyes became more foreboding and his grip on your arm started to leave bruises, you are thinking this is not quite what you expected from the man of your dreams.

After he hits you for the first time, his tears come, he apologizes, says he didn’t know what came over him and his kindness makes your life together feel better than ever. You feel you have turned the corner into the arms of the man of your dreams.

He hits you again. This time there’s no tears and no apology. He says it’s your fault. Hmmmm? Did you do something different? Is there some rule or boundary you have violated? You know marriage is about give and take, and sharing responsibilities….ok, maybe it was my fault. You say you are sorry, but you are thinking this is not quite what you expected from the man of your dreams.

The fear that keeps you awake at night, praying that you have done nothing wrong that will set him off, is with you constantly. Your job is at risk, you have no friends left to talk with about what you are going through, and your family knows something is wrong but not quite sure what it is because you are distant and embarrassed. You told everyone that this is the man of your dreams.

When you finally realize that the life you are living is not a life at all and that the hitting and abuse is not your fault, you make plans to leave. They are very secret plans, because if he finds out, you may never leave… alive. You stash cash, stash clothes, set up a separate mailing address, and find a new job so he cannot harass you at your employer. You don’t tell your family for fear they won’t understand. You will be alone. You will no longer be with the man of your dreams.

After reading this story or any other similar story, or upon hearing an abuse victim recant her story, you may be asking yourself “why did she stay?” Well, did you stay or leave after your first fight with your spouse? Did your spouse ever throw anything at you? Did your marriage ever go through a tough time when you could have left, but chose to stay and see it through?

It’s hard to admit you made a poor choice in the first place and all the harder to admit you made repeated poor choices, as I did, just to save a marriage. That was a long time ago. My long relationship with Hope House is not as a victim, but as a contributor and Board Member. My plight is to ensure that my children, friends and all the people I can touch understand domestic violence and the small ways it can start and escalate. No one should be a victim, especially to someone they believe they love.

National Crime Victims' Rights Week

April 18th-24th is National Crime Victim’s Rights Week. Started in 1981, National Crime Victims’ Rights Week (NCVRW) has brought much needed attention to the victims of crime, their families and the professionals who serve them.

Domestic violence is a crime, as we all know. This week of recognition and support to crime victims is very important to Hope House as a way to honor and recognize the journey of all of those who have been impacted by crime.

This year’s theme—“Crime Victims’ Rights: Fairness. Dignity. Respect”, are themes that we at Hope House work toward every day. We work to ensure that every victim that comes into our services feels they have been treated with fairness, dignity and respect, from us as a service provider.

These are fundamental rights that everyone should have but especially those who have been traumatized and victimized. This week is an opportunity for the nation to reflect on those who have been victimized and work to address disparities in the system to ensure that the victimization doesn’t continue as they begin the process of recovery.

In Eastern Jackson County we are fortunate to work with dedicated and caring professionals such as:

1) Law enforcement, who work to apprehend and charge the perpetrator.
2) The prosecutor, who works to ensure justice through the court process.
3) The health care professional who is working to heal physical injuries.

Each of them have the goal of providing quality, competent services to victims and to work to start the healing process and the road to recovery. It is our priority to put the crime victim’s needs first, to address their needs holistically and to ensure recovery from the victimization.

On our campuses we have visual and daily reminders of the thoughtfulness of others during NCVRW. We have a beautiful water garden where clients can sit, reflect and work toward recovery. That garden started out as a bird bath, but through the work of dedicated individuals and the generosity of many, it now brings beauty to the campus and honors those who have been victims of crime. Every time I see it, I am reminded of the work we do and the commitment and caring of others who made the garden a possibility and made the healing journey one of beauty and peace.

I invite you to take time during this week to reflect on the journey that crime victim’s must make and look for ways to get involved and to help make that journey a bit easier. You can visit our website http://www.hopehouse.net/ or for resource guides specific to crime victim’s week visit http://ovc.ncjrs.gov/ncvrw or http://www.ncvc.org/.