Coming to Shelter

Coming to shelter can be one of the most intimidating steps a survivor takes on her road to escape abuse. Leaving behind all that she knows and all that she has can be scary.

The first couple of days in shelter will be spent adjusting to the new routines and getting oriented. Kids will need to be enrolled in school, if the decision is made to change schools. If she decides to keep the kids in their home school, that school is contacted to arrange transportation for the child.

Our goal is to make the shelter environment as home-like as possible. We want to make sure she and her children have stability, and feel safe and secure. We provide everything that they need: toilet paper, paper towels, tooth paste, shampoo and other personal care items, clothing, and meals. Residents don’t have to worry about spending money on these things because we are able to get most of the items donated by our caring community.

Each woman in shelter is assigned an Advocate. The advocates work with her to identify her strengths, areas of need, her goals, and obstacles to accomplishing her goals. To help her on that path, we offer individual and group counseling (for both women and children), parenting support and substance abuse counseling.

We do not have a set length of stay for shelter. We feel strongly that everyone’s needs are different. It’s difficult to say that in 60 days a woman will have her needs addressed and now it’s time for her to leave shelter.

We do not tell women what to do or what to think, but help them to determine what they want for themselves as they begin their journey toward a life free of abuse.

Hope House's 24/7 Hotline

I am often asked how people come into our services and how they learn about all that we offer. The simple answer is they call our confidential 24-hour hotline number. Calling the hotline is often the first step a person takes to reach out to another person. It is frequently the first time that the caller has talked to anyone about what is going on in their home with their partner.

The hotline operators have many resources available to them to discuss with victims, family members or concerned individuals. You do not have to be a victim of domestic violence to call the hotline. If you know or suspect someone is being abused, you can call the hotline for resource and referral information.

When someone calls the hotline, we do not force them to make any decisions. We do not tell them what they should do. We offer resources and information so that the caller can make the best decision for herself. In domestic violence situations the ability to make decisions has been taken away. Our goal is to empower all of our callers to decide for themselves what is right for them, and what they want and need.

Whatever the caller decides, we will support. If she decides not to come into shelter, we make sure she has the information she needs and a safety plan in place. If the time comes that she decides shelter is for her, she will know what to do and will have the tools in place to make it happen.

The Hope House hotline number is 816-461-HOPE. In our last fiscal year we received 5,228 hotline calls. That is an average of 14 calls per day. There is someone from Hope House waiting to help you 24/7.

Animal Abuse and Domestic Violence

When animals in a home are abused or neglected, it may be a warning sign that others in the household are being abused as well. 

An abuser will use many forms of intimidation and threats to maintain power and control. If a woman is forced to watch her spouse kill the family pet in front of her and her children, she will think very hard about her next steps. It is very effective in keeping women in the relationship, feeling trapped and afraid.

According to americanhumane.org:

• 71% of pet-owning women entering women’s shelters reported that their batterer had threatened, injured, maimed, or killed family pets for revenge or to psychologically control victims; 32% reported their children had hurt or killed animals.
• Between 25% and 40% of battered women are unable to escape abusive situations because they worry about what will happen to their pets or livestock should they leave.

Abuse of a beloved pet can be the trigger for a woman to make the call to the hotline to seek services. But lack of a safe place for the family pet could be a reason she can’t enter shelter.

When a woman comes into shelter at Hope House, we are able to house their pets overnight. The woman and her advocate will contact other agencies that specialize in work with animals and will try to arrange temporary solutions for the care of the pet. But this does not help in the long term.

We are currently in conversation with Independence Animal Control to explore ideas that could help women with pets who are seeking our services. We want to eliminate the barrier that may be keeping a woman from realizing her dream of a life that is free of abuse for her, her children and her pets.

Lilith Fair to Donate $1 Per Ticket Sold in Kansas City

This week's guest blogger is Lee Marlin, Director of Marketing for Hope House.

Hope House receives funding from a variety of the obvious sources like government grants, area businesses, organizations, and individuals. But we're always on the lookout for less obvious opportunities.

WHAT IS THE LILITH FAIR TOUR?

The Lilith Fair Tour, a celebration of women in music, is coming to KC in July. $1 from every ticket sold in Kansas City will be donated to the local charity with the most votes. That's where you come in...

VOTE ON FACEBOOK

This link takes you to the Lilith Fair site where you can see that Hope House is currently in the lead! But we need your help to cement that lead. Please click through and vote for Hope House. You must be a member of Facebook, but you don't have to live in Kansas City. You just have to care about the women and children we help every day.

The 2 minutes it takes you to vote could mean up to $18,000 (the capacity of Capital Federal Park @ Sandstone) for Hope House operations.

NEED MORE INCENTIVE?

If Hope House wins, singer and Lilith organizer Sarah McLachlan will personally present a check for the amount raised to Hope House CEO MaryAnne Metheny during the show in Kansas City!

Does the Economy Cause Domestic Violence?

I have been asked many times in the past months how the economy has affected domestic violence. Does the economy cause domestic violence? What is economic abuse? I thought I would take this opportunity to provide more information about those issues.

Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over his partner. Economic abuse is using economics/money to maintain that power and control.

Examples of how this is done include:

• Controlling finances
• withholding money or credit cards
• ruining credit ratings
• requiring an accounting of money that is spent and punishment if not spent on things the abuser approves
• preventing the partner from working or causing them to lose their job
• withholding necessities such as food, clothing and medication
• stealing from their partner or using their personal identification fraudulently 

Does the bad economy cause domestic violence? The answer is “no”. However, it doesn’t help in situations where there is already abuse present. Economic stresses often lead to more frequent and more violent abuse when domestic violence is already present. It also creates more barriers to a woman’s ability to flee the situation.

• Domestic violence is three times as likely to occur when couples are experiencing high levels of financial strain as when they are experiencing low levels of financial strain.
• Women whose male partners experience two or more periods of unemployment over a 5-year study were almost three times as likely to be victims of intimate violence as were women whose partners were in stable jobs.
• Three out of four domestic violence shelters report an increase in women seeking assistance from abuse since September 2008 (NNEDV, Impact of the economy on domestic violence)

Hope House is one of the shelters that have seen an increase in the numbers of people seeking services. We are seeing the impact of the economy in the length of time people are staying in shelter. People are staying longer, because it’s more difficult to secure employment, get bills paid and access services from other agencies that are at capacity due to their own diminished resources.

We are seeing more people in our outreach programs and have a waiting list that is longer than any time in our history. We turned away more than we served in shelter last fiscal year.

The struggle for Hope House is to find the balance between the increase in the demand for services coupled with decreases in our funding. We are doing more with less but will continue to work to provide the absolute best service for our clients, while we work to increase our resources.

Events Keep the Lights On

Events are a very important part of the work we do at Hope House. In order for us to offer our services to the people that need us, we must continue to raise dollars and awareness of our mission. Events are a great way to accomplish this goal. Net proceeds from our events help to support our daily operations; they help keep the doors open and the lights on every day.

SPRING FLING

Hope House hosts four events during the year. There was Spring Fling (a casino night) in March, and it was a huge success this year despite the blizzard! The first day of spring, and we were hit with a snow storm. It didn’t dampen the spirits of the 160 courageous souls who braved the weather to join us.

CELEBRITY GOLF CLASSIC

Our golf tournament is just around the corner and will be held on May 17^th. Held at Creekmoor Golf Club in Raymore, Missouri, we have a sell out crowd that will spend the day golfing, eating and buying auction items. The golf tournament has been a big hit and we are fortunate to have most of the same teams return year after year to continue to support us. It is opportunity for people to have fun and help us raise funds at the same time. What a win-win for everyone.

COMING UP

Rounding out the year is Hope & All That Jazz, our black tie gala, on August 21st, and Howlin’ for Hope, a rocking interactive dueling piano show on October 3rd. Visit our website to find out more details and get information about sponsorships and tickets.

THIRD PARTY EVENTS 

We have many third party events during the year as well. These events are hosted by others, with proceeds coming back to Hope House. For example, Mama Ray hosted her 15th Annual Have a Heart for Hope on April 11th at BB’s Lawnside BBQ and raised over $3,000! Please visit our website www.hopehouse.net to see a listing of the upcoming third party events. If you are interested in sponsoring your own event for Hope House, please let us know!! 

Mother's Day is May 9th

Mother’s Day is celebrated the second Sunday in May and falls on May 9^th this year. It is a time for all of us to pause and honor our mothers and celebrate the time that we have with them and all that they do for us.

SPENDING A HOLIDAY IN SHELTER

Holidays at Hope House are celebrated with mixed emotions and Mother’s Day is no exception. The women who are in our services are struggling with the fact that their family is not as they wish it to be, and their lives are in crisis. To have that coupled with a holiday can be extremely difficult, but very positive as well.

We do our best to make the holidays a wonderful time where everyone feels special. We want them to be able to celebrate the holiday with the joy and enthusiasm they would if their circumstances were different. Our hope is that everyone can experience the holiday as it is meant to be experienced: in celebration of their own mothers, and for those who are mothers themselves, a chance to celebrate with their children.

KIDS CAN "SHOP" FOR GIFTS FOR THEIR MOM

We are fortunate to benefit from the generosity of the community and are able to have gifts for mothers on Mother’s Day. Kids are able to “shop” for their moms and have a gift for her on her special day without having to worry about money or how they will get their gift for mom.  Groups often volunteer to put together gift bags and dinner for our shelter clients, hoping to make the day memorable for those who will be spending it with us in shelter.

HONOR YOUR MOM THIS MOTHER'S DAY

Every Mother’s Day Hope House gives you the opportunity to honor those special mothers in your life by making a gift to Hope House. In turn, Hope House will send a Mother’s Day card to those women letting them know that a life-saving gift has been made to Hope House in their honor.

In order for cards to arrive by Mother’s Day, the mailing address of your honoree must be local (Kansas City area) and we must receive your gift electronically before Friday, May 7 at noon. If you are interested in learning more about this opportunity, follow this link or email Lee at lmarlin@hopehouse.net.