Domestic Violence Awareness Month

One of these four girls will experience domestic violence in their lives.
Photo by memoossa @ sxc.hu.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Every year in October programs across the country work to bring more awareness to this devastating issue that affects so many people in our country and across the world.

At least 1 in 4 women at some time in their life will be a victim of domestic violence. That means if I stood in a room with my mother, sister, and one co-worker, one of us will have been touched by domestic violence! It’s shocking when you put it in perspective like that.

For so long this issue has stayed behind closed doors. It was never discussed because it was a “family issue”. The more we can do to bring it into the light, the closer we are to ending it. 

Even if you are not in a relationship that is violent, this is an issue that affects us all. Why? Because the cost of domestic violence to the US economy is more than $8.3 billion¹. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity (time away from work and getting less done for not being able to focus on work).

On top of the economic issues, domestic violence is everyone’s issue because we have an obligation to look out for our fellow human beings. It’s not ok that people live in terror every day. It’s not ok that children are afraid of their fathers (or mothers).  It’s not ok that a teenage girl is hounded with hundreds of texts from her boyfriend asking “where are you?” and “who are you with?”  

By bringing attention to the issue, we are also letting people know that help is available. Please visit our website: www.hopehouse.net to see what you can do to get involved. Lives depend on it.

1Max W, Rice DP, Finkelstein E, Bardwell RA, Leadbetter S. The economic toll of intimate partner violence against women in the United States. Violence and Victims 2004;19(3):259-72.)

Advocacy Days in Washington D.C.

I recently had the privilege to participate in the annual Advocacy Days sponsored by the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) in Washington, D.C.

NNEDV organizes this annual event to educate advocates on new legislation and the needs across the country. We then carry a common message to Capitol Hill when we meet with our elected officials.

Our message was simple: programs are in dire need. More money is needed to meet the ever increasing needs of those impacted by domestic violence. People are being hurt and killed every day and we must do something to help those programs that are working with the survivors.

In Missouri, more women were turned away than were served last year. For every two women served, three were turned away. The demand for services is increasing and the resources to serve them are decreasing. We shared many stories and the frustration of not being able to do more to help those in need.

There was much discussion about how we can increase the money in such a very tight economy, when so many are suffering. This fact is clearly understood by those of us working with survivors. Thanks to NNEDV’s work, we were able to clearly talk about strategies and ways that this can be done.

I left D.C. with appreciation for the hard decisions that our elected officials have to make every day in prioritizing needs. I hope that we will be able to have the necessary resources to do our work and to help the thousands of people that are impacted by domestic violence every year.

My Lilith Fair Experience

Sarah McLachlan presents MaryAnne
Metheny with a $4000 check.

I was lucky enough to represent Hope House at the Lilith Fair last week at the Capital Federal Park at Sandstone. 

As we’ve discussed in recent blogs, $1 from every ticket sold to the Kansas City Lilith Fair as given Hope House, who was chosen through a Choose Your Charity contest on Facebook. We received $4,000 to help us in our mission to break the cycle of domestic violence.


See our Lilith Fair pictures here.

Lilith Fair and its organizer Sarah McLachlan have been receiving negative publicity and questions regarding the necessity of Lilith Fair and if it makes sense to do it again after such a long hiatus.

Times have changed since the last Lilith Fair but does that mean it shouldn’t happen again? Yes, ticket sales are down and some tour sites have had to be cancelled, but that is happening to all concerts, unfortunately. I wish the economy was better and that people had more disposable income that they could use for entertainment such as the Lilith Fair.

It was an incredible experience and I feel sad that more people were not there to take part in it. Everyone else missed out on an amazing experience and remarkable music. In an interview on NPR, Sarah McLachlan said “it is not about ticket sales, it's about the experience of Lilith — about artists getting together to make this world a better place.”

In the same interview Sarah said, "that's one of my greatest passions: women and children. Anybody who doesn't have their own voice, or doesn't know how to reach out and have their own voice and help themselves in a bad situation. And, yes, there's a lot of horrible things going on all over the world, but as individuals, I think we all have to focus on our own gifts and our own values and bring those forth to the world the best we can.”

How perfect for Hope House to be the recipient of funds from an organization with such passion and concern for women and children. I have always felt that the mission of Hope House is to help women find their voice after it has been lost or taken away. How inspiring that Sarah feels the same way and through her advocacy and her willingness to work hard, she has helped us to do that.

I appreciate her focusing her gift of music to help others and feel incredibly fortunate that we were chosen to be Lilith’s charity. It was a wonderful experience and I would say to the naysayers: go to the concert, enjoy and don’t inject negativity into a group of people who are trying to make a difference in our world.

Does the Economy Cause Domestic Violence?

I have been asked many times in the past months how the economy has affected domestic violence. Does the economy cause domestic violence? What is economic abuse? I thought I would take this opportunity to provide more information about those issues.

Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over his partner. Economic abuse is using economics/money to maintain that power and control.

Examples of how this is done include:

• Controlling finances
• withholding money or credit cards
• ruining credit ratings
• requiring an accounting of money that is spent and punishment if not spent on things the abuser approves
• preventing the partner from working or causing them to lose their job
• withholding necessities such as food, clothing and medication
• stealing from their partner or using their personal identification fraudulently 

Does the bad economy cause domestic violence? The answer is “no”. However, it doesn’t help in situations where there is already abuse present. Economic stresses often lead to more frequent and more violent abuse when domestic violence is already present. It also creates more barriers to a woman’s ability to flee the situation.

• Domestic violence is three times as likely to occur when couples are experiencing high levels of financial strain as when they are experiencing low levels of financial strain.
• Women whose male partners experience two or more periods of unemployment over a 5-year study were almost three times as likely to be victims of intimate violence as were women whose partners were in stable jobs.
• Three out of four domestic violence shelters report an increase in women seeking assistance from abuse since September 2008 (NNEDV, Impact of the economy on domestic violence)

Hope House is one of the shelters that have seen an increase in the numbers of people seeking services. We are seeing the impact of the economy in the length of time people are staying in shelter. People are staying longer, because it’s more difficult to secure employment, get bills paid and access services from other agencies that are at capacity due to their own diminished resources.

We are seeing more people in our outreach programs and have a waiting list that is longer than any time in our history. We turned away more than we served in shelter last fiscal year.

The struggle for Hope House is to find the balance between the increase in the demand for services coupled with decreases in our funding. We are doing more with less but will continue to work to provide the absolute best service for our clients, while we work to increase our resources.