Guest Blogger Chad Leabo Rants about Domestic Violence

Each time I hear about the way society views domestic violence it get’s my blood pressure up. Here in the west we do a lot of finger-wagging at cultures where women are not treated with the respect we think they should be afforded. I’m calling us (the western world) out on that.

Is it worse that girls in Africa are kidnapped for going to school? Yes. Is it worse that, in less-evolved parts of the Islamic world, girls are beaten or killed for going to school or learning to read? Yes. Is it worse that in many cultures, where arranged marriages exist and someone marries for love, ignoring the families’ social contracts, the woman is then killed to protect the family honor? Yes. Is it worse in places where girls are sold into sexual slavery? Yes (though it happens here too). Is it worse in south Asia and the middle-east that a woman can legally be punished for the “crime” of being raped. Absolutely.

However, as bad those places may be--and the treatment of women is abhorrent in those places in my opinion--we have a long, long way to go here as well.

Take the recent murder of a five year old girl in Leavenworth, KS last week. I’ve been following domestic violence (DV) related stories for years now, due to my wife’s job at Hope House. I can spot them in the news with a high degree of accuracy. You can too. When the report came out that a man had allegedly kidnapped a child and was led on a chase and he then allegedly killed the child when police had cornered him. I knew the story. It’s not unusual in cases of DV, especially if the woman is in the process of leaving, for the abuser to take her or even her kids out. That’s the most lethal time, when he thinks she is going to leave. It’s about control. Killing the mother’s kids is the ultimate abuse to a mother. Killing the mother herself is the ultimate control.

Women rarely get murdered. When they do, a vast majority of the time, DV is a factor. Then the victim blaming begins. This is the part that bothers me the most. I try to not read the reader comments on news stories because of the depressing ignorance and vengeance-airing that occurs in such forums. However, as I read that story’s comments I was not surprised by the comments of “why didn’t she leave him?” and, “they should charge her (the mother) too (in the death of the little girl).” In DV nobody every asks, “Why didn’t he stop abusing her?”

In DV situations where a man is abusing a woman, statistically she will leave seven times before actually leaving for good. Like I said, the time when she is leaving is highly dangerous. It’s a time of high lethality. If she has kids, whether they are his or not, she may come back or delay leaving for good because she may figure if she has to take a beating so her kids have a place to live, so be it. That’s sad but kind of admirable in a way. But one must remember that DV is learned behavior. Both parties likely witnessed it growing up. If you see that as part of life, you accept it, right or wrong.

Many people hide behind traditional social norms of the man being in charge. Many hide behind religious beliefs for women being subservient to men. But, when you strip it all away, are those views any less wrong than honor killings (which are backed up for the same reasons)?

Recently the NFL gave Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice a slap on the wrist for knocking his the fiancée unconscious at an Atlantic City casino. He got a two game suspension. Two games. Had he been busted for steroids he’d have gotten twice that. What does that teach little boys about consequences? What does that teach little girls about their value? She didn’t press charges. Why didn’t she press charges? Remember this is learned behavior. This is part of life for her. Sadly I predict she will be hit again. Will she live in luxury? Yes, not that that matters in the long run. Most women who are survivors of DV do not live that lifestyle.

They live in your neighborhood. They work with you. They go to church with you. They’re in some part of your family. About 50 percent of the human population of planet Earth is carrying XX chromosomes (that means they’re women FYI). One in four of those women will experience some type of DV (emotional, or physical) in her lifetime. Those are your daughters, friends, nieces (my wife and I have five nieces), granddaughters...DV crosses all socio-economic and racial lines. Let us not throw away half of the population.

Breaking the cycle of DV is the most important part of fixing the problem. Boys who witness abuse are more than twice as likely to be abusers. Yet programs, which try to intervene and mitigate the damage done to these young witnesses, are poorly funded and not far-reaching enough. At times it’s like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with rocks.

Shelters are the last resort for victims of DV. Survivors go there after they’ve exhausted all other options, like family and friends. In the KC metro, organizations like Hope House, Rosebrooks, Safehome, etc., also serve as court advocates, and have legal outreach programs too. They help get women out of dangerous situations. It would be awesome if places like those didn’t have to exist. But they do. No court advocate or anyone on their legal team has a day without multiple cases. Not one bed goes unused in the shelter. Ever.

Supporting entities which try to stop or prevent domestic violence is not sexy. The DV shelter in your community is not fancy. It needs money to keep its doors open. Not your cast-off out of date clothes and broken TVs. The well-heeled in your city don’t get giddy over having their name on the building which protects abused humans. The DV shelter in your community is not a warm and fuzzy charity. Domestic violence is a scary, disturbing and sometimes confusing topic. It is real life and death. I sometimes wonder if Sarah McLachlan (who I love) did PSAs which showed women (and men) with broken wrists, bruised faces, and cigarette burned skin if it would help. Probably not. The ignorant would blame the victim again. It takes time to break out of DV relationships. Sometimes people need a little help. Stop blaming the victims and let them become survivors.

Parents it’s up to you. Your kids are little sponges. Teach them respect. Teach them to communicate. Teach them boundaries. Teach them right and wrong. Give your kids good examples. It’s on you. In the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, “…teach your children well.”

Chad Leabo

#OperationGirl Charity Challenge by John Legend, Ryot & Burkle Global Impact Initiative

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Hope House

Surviving Abuse

I am thrilled to read positive stories and to quiet the deafening noise of the violence that seems to be around us at all times. I love hearing how people have survived violence and have embraced life and are moving on.

That seems to be exactly what Michelle Knight who was held captive for 11 years in Ohio by Ariel Castro had done. She is now free and moving on with her life. She has changed her name and now goes by Lilly and recognizes the trauma she endured for such a long time impacted her, but it doesn’t define who she is now. I love her spirit and her strength. She is a true hero in my book. She has not only survived but she is thriving. I am happy for her. I hope that others who have been through horror can find strength in her and hope for their own recovery.

Recovery is possible. It can be a long and arduous journey, but there is hope for those who have been traumatized by violence. I am excited for Lilly and her future and for all of those that we work with everyday who have lived through horrific abuse and survive and then thrive. 

Point In Time Survey

The National Network Against Domestic Violence has released the results from their 7th annual Point In Time Study. This study is done once a year, to calculate the number of people across the country who are receiving domestic violence services on a given day. In 2012 the study was conducted on September 12th and 1,646 out of 1,924 or 86 % of the programs across the country participated in the study. For the 7th year in row, Missouri’s 67 programs had 100% participation! This study gives us the opportunity to talk about the need in our country, and to highlight the services that are offered. It also allows us to see the unmet need and what work still needs to be done. We have information to discuss with our elected officials about what is being done and what still needs to be done to address the needs of a very vulnerable population.

In Missouri on September 12, 2012, 2,123 victims found safety in emergency shelters or transitional housing across the state. Of the 2,123 served on that day Hope House provided services to 131 of them. Missouri programs were able to provide 672 adults and children with non-residential assistance including groups and individual counseling. Hope House provided services to 45 of those 672. That same day, 494 hotline calls were answered, 12 were made to Hope House. Unfortunately across the state of Missouri, 416 people were turned away due to lack of capacity, 60 of them from Hope House. The report shows that 57% of unmet requests were for emergency shelter and transitional housing.

The national numbers are astounding to comprehend; 35,323 victims across the country received safe shelter, 29,001 received non-residential services and 20,821 hotline calls were answered and there were 10,471 unmet requests for services. Reports from the other programs were consistent with what we are seeing at Hope House, the economy has definitely impacted the number of people seeking services and resources in the community are down. The need continues to be overwhelming across our country. We have also seen numbers of program services reduced due to programs having to cut back on services due to funding shortages.

Kim Gandy, CEO of NNEDV writes:

·         The report revealed that reduced funding for domestic violence services means that programs are unable to help survivors with shelter, attain legal help, or leave abusive partners. The economic conditions of the past few years have had a significant impact on domestic violence programs.  “Cutting funds to domestic violence programs means that victims have fewer places to turn,” “It is impossible to hold offenders accountable and provide safe havens for victims with reduced funding for services and shelters.  Budget cuts at the local, state, and federal level are creating increased danger to victims and their children.”

·         Additionally, the pending funding cuts resulting from the sequester also worry victim advocates. According to recent analysis, sequestration will result in approximately 70,000 fewer victims getting help from domestic violence programs and approximately 36,000 fewer victims having access to protection orders, crisis intervention and counseling, sexual assault services, hospital-based advocacy, transitional housing services, and help with civil legal matters.

·         As programs are cutting staff, reducing hours, and cutting back on services due to lack of funds, the true harm is to domestic violence victims. “Across the country, domestic violence programs are working harder than ever to help victims of abuse,” added Gandy. “But we also know that, across the board, funding for victim services is dwindling while the demand is climbing.”

So we continue to be challenged by the ever increasing need, and we will continue to rise above the challenge and meet the needs of those we serve. Together we can make a difference and we will continue to work hard on behalf of survivors and work to end the violence.

Domestic Violence from Guest Blogger and DV Detective

In May 2011, I took over as the Blue Springs Police Domestic Violence Detective. Since given this great opportunity I’ve dedicated my efforts to do anything in my power to end the cycle of domestic violence in Blue Springs. 

My passion to help survivors of domestic violence didn’t start when I took over as the Blue Springs Police Domestic Violence Detective, but my position helped me realize the power that I had to save lives through my investigations and interactions with survivors. I found that my past experience as a patrol officer—being involved in a shooting while responding to a domestic assault—and my quest for justice was very similar to the survivors of domestic violence with whom I work. That connection, even though different, allowed me to see through the eyes of a survivor seeking justice.

I’ve used my training and past experiences to help develop goals to end the cycle of domestic violence. I’ve realized that I first must provide social awareness of the prevalence and seriousness of domestic violence. I understand the importance of educating patrol officers on the best practices for handling domestic disputes and ensuring that survivors are given information on the resources available to assist them.  Once assigned a new case, I know I must contact survivors as soon as possible after the initial report is taken and share my understanding and concern for the traumatic situation that they have been involved in. I then must gather the evidence and explain the legal process.

I’ve quickly found that there are many barriers to reaching my goal of ending the cycle of domestic violence. First, how do we reach those victims that don’t call for assistance?  How do we prosecute a case when the victim refuses to assist in prosecution? How do I ensure that officers are gathering all the evidence needed to build an investigation? How do we better track subjects placed on probation?

We haven't ended the cycle of domestic violence yet but, with the assistance of our court advocate from Hope House and the patrol officers on the road, we are identifying those at greatest risk of violence and abusers prone to commit those acts of violence. Through ongoing training we have improved how officers handle and report those domestic disputes. Patrol officers are linking survivors of intimate partner domestic assaults to Hope House advocates through the Lethality Assessment Program. Patrol officers are making arrests of the primary physical aggressor if probable cause exists even if the survivor is not willing to sign a complaint at the time. The municipal court is holding five separate domestic violence dockets per month to ensure that victims get justice as soon as possible. The Blue Springs Police Dispatch supervisor has begun entering the information of subjects placed on municipal probation into the Regional Justice Information Service computer system.

With the continued support from the Blue Springs Police Department and our partners at Hope House, survivors of domestic violence are getting the support they need and tools to escape their dangerous situations. Together we are ending the cycle of domestic violence.

To Kasandra and All Those Who Have Lost Their Lives

I think by now most people have heard about the tragic events of this past weekend in Kansas City.

Jovan Belcher, a Kansas City Chiefs football player, murdered his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins before he committed suicide in front of his coach and the General Manager of the Chiefs.

The couple has a 3-month old daughter, Zoey, who is now alone, to be raised without either of her parents.

I have been asked what my response is to this tragedy.  My response is the same that it is every time a woman loses her life due to domestic violence: it is horrific; it is a tragedy; it is senseless and needs to stop.

The difference between Kasandra and the other 13 victims who have lost their lives this year in Kansas City is that her boyfriend was a Kansas City Chiefs player. 

The other victims this year have not gotten the attention of the media as Kasandra has, and that is also tragic.  The very concerned reporters I spoke to acknowledged that there has not been enough attention paid to domestic violence homicides. They were shocked at the statistics, not realizing how prevalent DV homicides really are in our society.

I hope that something positive can come from this senseless tragedy. I hope that people will have a better understanding of the severity of domestic violence; understand that it is happening everywhere and every day.

DV is a crime that must be stopped. We all need to make an effort to end this hideous cycle. Domestic violence advocates have more work to do in educating our community about the problem, what resources are available, and what can be done.

We all need to work together to ensure the safety of our neighbors, our friends, and our family members.

I have a commitment to those who have died, those who survived the attacks on them, and to their surviving children:

“I will work to ensure that your death and your attack were not in vain. I will continue to honor you and your sacrifice by working to ensure that others don’t go through what you went through; that other children will not be left orphaned due to domestic violence.

“That is the least I can do for you. You gave your life. I will use mine to continue the fight in your honor and hope that others know what a sacrifice you made. That is a very small thing that I can do for you. I am so sad that you are not here, but I will continue to fight for you and for your children, and all of those who are touched by domestic violence.“

I have been doing this work for over 20 years and I have never found it as difficult as I do today. It is with a heavy and very sad heart that I take on this day and the challenges it presents. I pray that I do this work with integrity, with commitment, and with those who lost the battle foremost in my mind at all times.