Hope & All That Jazz 2015 attendees: ‘This was the best Jazz ever’

The deep red cloth was strewn from the ceiling. The white orchids in gold bowl centerpieces sat gracefully on the tables. The silent auction items were placed strategically on the display tables. The mouth-watering smell of the steak medallions and risotto filled the air. The festive music and laughs could be heard through the hall to the main lobby.

The 26th Annual Hope and All That Jazz was said to be the best Jazz ever.

“I’m just worried now how we top this in 2016,” said Stefanie Shanks, Hope House special events manager. “I’m ecstatic that the guests had such a great time. The music was great. Everyone loved the auction and bidding through their phones. The live auction was exciting. I couldn’t be more thrilled that everyone had a great time.”

The evening began with cocktails and appetizers during the silent auction period. The auction featured items such as sports memorabilia, artwork, food and wine, trips, a frame with two autographed photos of the legendary B.B. King, a grill master’s barbecue set, and much more. Attendees were able to walk around, having a great time visiting with friends rather than hovering over silent auction paper bid sheets.

“This year, we did mobile bidding,” said Shanks. “This allowed participants to go wherever they wanted during the silent auction, because all they needed was their smart phone. We received so much feedback about this, and we’ll definitely be doing it again next year.”

Once the silent auction was over, guests entered the ballroom, where dinner was served. The options for the evening were steak medallions with seafood cake and roasted tomato and peppers, or vegetarian risotto cake with spaghetti squash. Dessert consisted of a chocolate truffle mousse terrine with passion fruit crème brulee.

After dinner, the evening’s emcee, Kris Ketz of KMBC-TV9, welcomed everyone to the 26th annual benefit and turned it over to Hope and All That Jazz 2015 Chair Peter deSilva of UMB.

“Domestic violence of any kind is a stain on this and every other community in America,” said deSilva. “As a society it should be a top priority to eradicate domestic violence in all of its ugly forms. Given that we will unfortunately not likely eradicate domestic violence completely, the next best thing to do is to fully support those affected by it.”

DeSilva was then joined on stage by Hope House CEO MaryAnne Metheny, who introduced former Independence Mayor Barbara Potts. Metheny then awarded the Blue Springs Police Department with the annual Barbara Potts Award.

“The Blue Springs Police Department understands the seriousness of the crime of domestic violence and has contributed to the change in culture in how victims are treated and abusers are held accountable,” said Metheny. “In 2011, they agreed to participate in the Lethality Assessment Program, which provides a more comprehensive approach to how domestic violence incidents are handled on the scene.”

Once the award was presented to Blue Springs Police Chief Wayne McCoy and Domestic Violence Det. Anda Offenbacker, the evening’s keynote speaker provided her remarks on her own personal domestic violence relationship.

“I was very young – in my teens as a matter of fact – when I became a mother and got married,” said CiCi Rojas, president and CEO of the Central Exchange, and former Hope House board chairperson. “I found myself with three small children and caught in a very abusive marriage, very simply because of pride and wanting to provide a home for my children with two parents.”

Worried about their disappointment, Rojas hid the abuse and shame she felt from her parents and friends. Soon, her abusive husband would discover her intentions to leave and beat her to the point of unconsciousness.

“I knew I had to escape for me and my children,” she continued. “I had to regain my confidence and my self-worth. So, I set out to change my life. There are many women and children that benefit from Hope House. But, it’s not about the shelter and services so much as it is about the aspirational benefit, the renewal of confidence and self-esteem that ignites the desire to survive and find the power to thrive.”

Her moving speech brought tears to many in the room.

“It made a huge impact on everyone in attendance,” said Shanks. “When you have a keynote presenter who can show the true emotion in her story, it makes it easier for others to understand exactly what survivors and families are going through in their own homes.”

The evening’s festivities continued with Kansas City’s famous auctioneers, the Nigro Brothers. They encouraged all to participate in the Fund-A-Need segment, where attendees raised their bid numbers to fund services offered by Hope House.

Then, it was on to the live auction that included a puppy, a trip to a winery in Oregon, a stay in sunny Florida, a mink coat, dinner with Chiefs’ Quarterback Alex Smith, a diamond necklace and more.

“The Nigro Brothers always make the live auction fun,” Shanks continued. “This year, there was a lot of excitement with the diamond necklace and the puppy. I think what made the auction great this year was the variety of items. We certainly had something for everyone in attendance.”

Once the auction ended, it was time for the real fun to begin. KOKOMO played live music while patrons danced the night away on the dance floor that was embossed with the Hope House golden sun logo. Although some turned in early, others decided to stick around and close the ballroom down – proving even more that Jazz 2015 was one for the record books.

Overall, the event raised more than $370,000 that will benefit Hope House’s general operating budget. The domestic violence agency that offers Missouri’s most comprehensive services will provide safe shelter, outreach therapy, food, court advocacy and much more to survivors and families of domestic violence.

“Without our caring community growing Jazz each year, there is no way we would be able to serve the thousands of survivors and families that we do,” Metheny said. “I remember the day of personally putting together centerpieces in a small banquet hall for 300 people. Now, having over 600 people in attendance, yet seeing so many longtime friends, I know we’ll be serving this community for much longer.”

Lesson Learned From Clinton - Stop The Victim Blaming

With the tragic loss of Sandra Sutton (in Clinton, Missouri) due to domestic violence, there has been more discussion about domestic violence, how does it happen, why does it happen, why don’t people leave, and why don’t they call the police. There are so many questions because domestic violence is so complicated. There are no easy answers and the answers can challenge our way of thinking and shatter our vision of a peaceful and happy existence.

If someone has never experienced domestic violence or been exposed to it, the thought that someone who is supposed to love another person could hurt them in a violent way is hard to understand and wrap your arms around. The thought that someone could be kept in a box for months is something that even those of us who work in the field of domestic violence have to take a break and regroup. It takes your breath away as you imagine that horror. It made me sick to my stomach to imagine the horror she experienced. It made me cry.

That type of act is hideous and unthinkable. But yet, it happened here in our state of Missouri. This is the case we know about. Unfortunately, it is probably happening to someone else and we just don’t know it.

But why does it happen? Why does a relationship get so out of control?

That is where the difficulty in understanding comes in. There are so many reasons. But, even when you hear the reasons, it is hard to make sense of it. Even if you understand the origin and the thought process, coming to terms with such heinous acts is difficult.  How does a person get so out of control that he does something like that to his partner? Then, the even more unthinkable happens; she gets away and he hunts her down and murders her and her 17-year-old son.

How does someone do that? How does someone become so filled with hate and rage that they can do that? The answer is so simple, yet very complex – power and control. He had to have complete power over his partner, he went to unimaginable lengths to control her, and when he lost that control he committed the ultimate act of domestic violence: murder to regain that power and control. If he couldn’t control her and have complete power over her, then no one else would either, especially her. He wouldn’t allow her to make her own decisions and to live her life the way she wanted. He made sure of that when he murdered her and her son.

The important thing to remember is, it was not her fault!

She is not responsible for being murdered or kept in a box. She escaped and he tracked her down and he killed her. She is not to be blamed for this horrible act. It doesn’t matter if she called the police or didn’t call the police, or if she filed for a protection order or didn’t file for one. It was NOT her fault.

We cannot blame the victim for the things that happen to them. We must focus the attention on the perpetrator of the violence and the crime. But yet, somehow in domestic violence situations we blame the victim. We look at what she did or didn’t do and make it somehow her fault instead of looking at the perpetrator and placing the responsibility there and there alone.

If we are ever going to end domestic violence, it will be when we hold perpetrators accountable and break the cycle of violence. We must take responsibility as a society that domestic violence is allowed to happen. Whether it is a push, punch or kept locked-up in a box; it is wrong and must be stopped. We must work together to address the issue, we must shift the conversation from why didn’t she leave, why didn’t she call the police, get a protection order, to violence is not okay, and we must stop it. We must not allow our conversations to continue the abuse of the victim by blaming her, and we must all agree that violence is never the answer, violence is not okay.

If you want to learn more about domestic violence and the resources that are available and how you can help, please visit www.hopehouse.net. If you are in need of help please call the metro domestic violence hotline: 816-HOTLINE.

Guest Blogger Chad Leabo Rants about Domestic Violence

Each time I hear about the way society views domestic violence it get’s my blood pressure up. Here in the west we do a lot of finger-wagging at cultures where women are not treated with the respect we think they should be afforded. I’m calling us (the western world) out on that.

Is it worse that girls in Africa are kidnapped for going to school? Yes. Is it worse that, in less-evolved parts of the Islamic world, girls are beaten or killed for going to school or learning to read? Yes. Is it worse that in many cultures, where arranged marriages exist and someone marries for love, ignoring the families’ social contracts, the woman is then killed to protect the family honor? Yes. Is it worse in places where girls are sold into sexual slavery? Yes (though it happens here too). Is it worse in south Asia and the middle-east that a woman can legally be punished for the “crime” of being raped. Absolutely.

However, as bad those places may be--and the treatment of women is abhorrent in those places in my opinion--we have a long, long way to go here as well.

Take the recent murder of a five year old girl in Leavenworth, KS last week. I’ve been following domestic violence (DV) related stories for years now, due to my wife’s job at Hope House. I can spot them in the news with a high degree of accuracy. You can too. When the report came out that a man had allegedly kidnapped a child and was led on a chase and he then allegedly killed the child when police had cornered him. I knew the story. It’s not unusual in cases of DV, especially if the woman is in the process of leaving, for the abuser to take her or even her kids out. That’s the most lethal time, when he thinks she is going to leave. It’s about control. Killing the mother’s kids is the ultimate abuse to a mother. Killing the mother herself is the ultimate control.

Women rarely get murdered. When they do, a vast majority of the time, DV is a factor. Then the victim blaming begins. This is the part that bothers me the most. I try to not read the reader comments on news stories because of the depressing ignorance and vengeance-airing that occurs in such forums. However, as I read that story’s comments I was not surprised by the comments of “why didn’t she leave him?” and, “they should charge her (the mother) too (in the death of the little girl).” In DV nobody every asks, “Why didn’t he stop abusing her?”

In DV situations where a man is abusing a woman, statistically she will leave seven times before actually leaving for good. Like I said, the time when she is leaving is highly dangerous. It’s a time of high lethality. If she has kids, whether they are his or not, she may come back or delay leaving for good because she may figure if she has to take a beating so her kids have a place to live, so be it. That’s sad but kind of admirable in a way. But one must remember that DV is learned behavior. Both parties likely witnessed it growing up. If you see that as part of life, you accept it, right or wrong.

Many people hide behind traditional social norms of the man being in charge. Many hide behind religious beliefs for women being subservient to men. But, when you strip it all away, are those views any less wrong than honor killings (which are backed up for the same reasons)?

Recently the NFL gave Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice a slap on the wrist for knocking his the fiancée unconscious at an Atlantic City casino. He got a two game suspension. Two games. Had he been busted for steroids he’d have gotten twice that. What does that teach little boys about consequences? What does that teach little girls about their value? She didn’t press charges. Why didn’t she press charges? Remember this is learned behavior. This is part of life for her. Sadly I predict she will be hit again. Will she live in luxury? Yes, not that that matters in the long run. Most women who are survivors of DV do not live that lifestyle.

They live in your neighborhood. They work with you. They go to church with you. They’re in some part of your family. About 50 percent of the human population of planet Earth is carrying XX chromosomes (that means they’re women FYI). One in four of those women will experience some type of DV (emotional, or physical) in her lifetime. Those are your daughters, friends, nieces (my wife and I have five nieces), granddaughters...DV crosses all socio-economic and racial lines. Let us not throw away half of the population.

Breaking the cycle of DV is the most important part of fixing the problem. Boys who witness abuse are more than twice as likely to be abusers. Yet programs, which try to intervene and mitigate the damage done to these young witnesses, are poorly funded and not far-reaching enough. At times it’s like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with rocks.

Shelters are the last resort for victims of DV. Survivors go there after they’ve exhausted all other options, like family and friends. In the KC metro, organizations like Hope House, Rosebrooks, Safehome, etc., also serve as court advocates, and have legal outreach programs too. They help get women out of dangerous situations. It would be awesome if places like those didn’t have to exist. But they do. No court advocate or anyone on their legal team has a day without multiple cases. Not one bed goes unused in the shelter. Ever.

Supporting entities which try to stop or prevent domestic violence is not sexy. The DV shelter in your community is not fancy. It needs money to keep its doors open. Not your cast-off out of date clothes and broken TVs. The well-heeled in your city don’t get giddy over having their name on the building which protects abused humans. The DV shelter in your community is not a warm and fuzzy charity. Domestic violence is a scary, disturbing and sometimes confusing topic. It is real life and death. I sometimes wonder if Sarah McLachlan (who I love) did PSAs which showed women (and men) with broken wrists, bruised faces, and cigarette burned skin if it would help. Probably not. The ignorant would blame the victim again. It takes time to break out of DV relationships. Sometimes people need a little help. Stop blaming the victims and let them become survivors.

Parents it’s up to you. Your kids are little sponges. Teach them respect. Teach them to communicate. Teach them boundaries. Teach them right and wrong. Give your kids good examples. It’s on you. In the words of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, “…teach your children well.”

Chad Leabo

#OperationGirl Charity Challenge by John Legend, Ryot & Burkle Global Impact Initiative

We're super excited to let you know that we're part of the #OperationGirl Charity Challenge, a fundraising campaign launched by John Legend, RYOT and the Burkle Global Impact Initiative.

To give back, they will be donating $100,000 to organizations like ours focused on women and girls. The charity that raises the most throughout the Challenge will get a $50,000 donation. Second place gets $20,000, third gets $10,000.

We're out to raise as much money as possible for our cause so we can win the $50,000 grand prize donation.

We think we can win and to do so, we definitely need your help. We'll be sending emails throughout the Challenge and we'll be asking for you to give. Every donation makes a difference, no matter how small. Every dollar counts.

To help now, please CLICK HERE and give whatever you can.

Or, if you want to go one step further, GO HERE and click 'Fundraise for This Campaign.' In seconds, you'll have your own fundraiser that you can share with all of your family and friends so that you can raise money for our cause too.

Please email CrowdRise at OperationGirl@CrowdRise.com if you have any questions at all and they'll help solve everything.

Thanks so much for your support!

Hope House

Violence

I have been struck by how much violence I have heard about in the past few weeks. It seems to be more in number of incidents and more violent in nature. You cannot pick up the paper or turn on the news without hearing about a rape, a domestic violence homicide, a stabbing of a young student at school. Thankfully, a young man was arrested before he had time to carry out his plan to terrorize his community by killing his family and then going to the school and killing anyone he could before being killed by police. I am grateful that lives were not taken senselessly. Apparently this young man was fascinated by Columbine and wanted to do something on the 20th anniversary. He had to change plans when he realized that the anniversary fell on Easter Sunday. 

I am not sure what is different or what may be the cause of this wave of violence, but for me, it is there and present all the time. What this violence does do is force me to look at what we are doing and how we are doing it and if we need to make changes or adjustments. Is there anything else that can be done to reduce the violence in our society? Not just domestic violence, but all violence.

I know violence is all around us and it happens every day but I continue to hope for the day that I can say violence is a thing of the past. What can we do as a society to make that happen? How can we, as a collective, say enough is enough—we will tolerate no more violence?

We know we must start young. What we teach and instill in our children is critical. It will take society as a whole to stop this violence.  It will take all of us being free of judgment and finger pointing and saying it is not me it is them. That attitude is not going to help. Violence doesn’t just happen in poor neighborhoods or within certain racial groups or within any one segment of society. It happens everywhere. Yes, there may be pockets but overall it is everywhere and it is all of our responsibility to do what we need to do to stop it. I encourage you to get involved.Volunteer at Hope House or your child’s school or some other organization. Always model non-violent behavior so others can emulate you. Change starts with each of us.

NNEDV Domestic Violence Counts: Census 2013 Report

 

For the eighth consecutive year the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) conducted a one-day, unduplicated count of adults and children seeking domestic violence service in the U.S. The annual census, always on September 17, documents the number of individuals seeking services in a single 24-hour period, the types of services requested, the number of service requests that went unmet due to a lack of resources, and the issues and barriers that domestic violence programs face as they strive to provide services to victims of domestic violence. This report is instrumental in raising awareness about domestic violence and the incredible work that local domestic violence programs do every day. 

Here are some highlights, for just that one day, in the state of Missouri:

2,163 Victims Served in One Day 

• 1,392 domestic violence victims (679 children and 713 adults) found refuge in emergency shelters or transitional housing provided by local domestic violence programs.

• 771 adults and children received non-residential assistance and services, including counseling, legal advocacy, and children’s support groups
• 20,267 Hotline Calls Answered

Services Provided by Local Programs

• Individual Support or Advocacy 95%
• Emergency Shelter 77%
• Children’s Support or Advocacy 77%
• Transportation 69%
• Group Support or Advocacy 52%
• Advocacy Related to Public Benefits/TANF/Welfare 48%
• Advocacy Related to Mental Health 45%
• Court Advocacy/Legal Accompaniment 43% 

Yet, even with this remarkable amount of services given, there were 9,641 unmet requests for services on that day, of which 60% (5,778) were for Housing. So there is a lot to be done.

The full 2013 National Domestic Violence Counts Report is available here Full Report (PDF, 16 pages) and the Missouri summary is available here Missouri Report (PDF, 1page).