It's No Laughing Matter: Part II

Last week, Hope House introduced Part I of our new #ItsNoLaughingMatter campaign as part of the 2014 #GivingTuesday (click here if you missed it).

Here is another “joke” mocking victims of domestic violence.

Posts and comments like this are starting to become all too common today. In order to help society understand that domestic violence is no laughing matter, Hope House is sharing advocate stories leading up to #GivingTuesday on December 2.

This week, we wanted to share a story from Brittny:

“During a group session at Hope House, one of the clients shared her story. She got into an argument with her ex-boyfriend after he broke into her home. She ran away for help, and in the process he shot her twice. After that, he pulled her into his car and drove off. Not knowing what he was going to do next, she risked it, opened the truck door and jumped out at 70 miles per hour. She didn’t have any other options.  It’s real.”

Notice this story was between an ex-boyfriend and the victim. Violence is 75 percent more prevalent after the victim leaves. On #GivingTuesday, December 2nd, please stand with Hope House to show domestic violence is no laughing matter. You can stand with us today by forwarding this to others. Help spread the word about domestic violence.

Can't wait to give until #GivingTuesday? Give now HERE!

Surviving Abuse

I am thrilled to read positive stories and to quiet the deafening noise of the violence that seems to be around us at all times. I love hearing how people have survived violence and have embraced life and are moving on.

That seems to be exactly what Michelle Knight who was held captive for 11 years in Ohio by Ariel Castro had done. She is now free and moving on with her life. She has changed her name and now goes by Lilly and recognizes the trauma she endured for such a long time impacted her, but it doesn’t define who she is now. I love her spirit and her strength. She is a true hero in my book. She has not only survived but she is thriving. I am happy for her. I hope that others who have been through horror can find strength in her and hope for their own recovery.

Recovery is possible. It can be a long and arduous journey, but there is hope for those who have been traumatized by violence. I am excited for Lilly and her future and for all of those that we work with everyday who have lived through horrific abuse and survive and then thrive. 

Violence

I have been struck by how much violence I have heard about in the past few weeks. It seems to be more in number of incidents and more violent in nature. You cannot pick up the paper or turn on the news without hearing about a rape, a domestic violence homicide, a stabbing of a young student at school. Thankfully, a young man was arrested before he had time to carry out his plan to terrorize his community by killing his family and then going to the school and killing anyone he could before being killed by police. I am grateful that lives were not taken senselessly. Apparently this young man was fascinated by Columbine and wanted to do something on the 20th anniversary. He had to change plans when he realized that the anniversary fell on Easter Sunday. 

I am not sure what is different or what may be the cause of this wave of violence, but for me, it is there and present all the time. What this violence does do is force me to look at what we are doing and how we are doing it and if we need to make changes or adjustments. Is there anything else that can be done to reduce the violence in our society? Not just domestic violence, but all violence.

I know violence is all around us and it happens every day but I continue to hope for the day that I can say violence is a thing of the past. What can we do as a society to make that happen? How can we, as a collective, say enough is enough—we will tolerate no more violence?

We know we must start young. What we teach and instill in our children is critical. It will take society as a whole to stop this violence.  It will take all of us being free of judgment and finger pointing and saying it is not me it is them. That attitude is not going to help. Violence doesn’t just happen in poor neighborhoods or within certain racial groups or within any one segment of society. It happens everywhere. Yes, there may be pockets but overall it is everywhere and it is all of our responsibility to do what we need to do to stop it. I encourage you to get involved.Volunteer at Hope House or your child’s school or some other organization. Always model non-violent behavior so others can emulate you. Change starts with each of us.

Combating Human Trafficking

There was quite a bit of coverage prior to the Super Bowl about the Super Bowl being the single largest human trafficking incident in the United States. While there is very little evidence to support this claim, media outlets reported that between 13 and 17 human trafficking victims were rescued prior to and during the Super Bowl this year. 

According to USA Today, “authorities arrested more than 45 pimps and their helpers, some of whom said they traveled to the New York region to traffic the women and juveniles at the NFL championship at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J. The teens, ages 13 to 17, were found in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Pennsylvania. More than 50 women coerced into sex for money were also saved, the agency said. Some of the victims had been involved in international sex trafficking. Six children were rescued in both New Jersey and New York, and four others in Pennsylvania and Connecticut, the FBI said.”

I was pleased to read that part of the plan to stop human trafficking included training and educating hospitality works, airport security employees and other groups that come into contact with children and groups of individuals who are traveling and moving about the country. 

I do believe that widespread training of individuals that come into contact with children and adults as they travel will bring positive results in identifying potential human trafficking victims, as well as victims of other crimes such as kidnapping and abuse.

My daughter and I flew to Chicago recently and, for the first time; she was directly asked questions regarding her name, where she was going and her relationship to me. I was very happy they were asking her these questions as I understood it was a way to see red flags, was she going against her will, did she really know where she was going and did she really know me and trust me. My daughter was very confused and somewhat taken aback by the questions until I explained to her why they were asking and then she was comfortable with the “intrusive questioning”.

Abuse of women and children is an atrocious crime and one I work every day to help bring an end to. I am encouraged by the progress I am seeing in the changes in how we are conducting everyday business and bringing awareness to the general public that they too can be a part of the solution and make a difference.

January is Stalking Awareness

Anyone who has been the victim of stalking can tell you, it’s a terrifying experience and a reprehensible way of controlling a person—instilling a sense of fear and powerlessness.

Just think of it… someone watching you at any given moment, following you or lying in wait, threatening you… it can keep you off balance, anxious and full of mistrust. In fact, 46% of stalking victims say that fear of not knowing what’s next impacts them deeply. And it is further terrorizing not know if it will ever stop.

Stalking impacts victims in every area of life—1 in 8 lose time from work and 1 in 7 move as a result—affecting them financially and professionally. Emotionally, it takes a tremendous toll—anxiety, insomnia and severe depression are all prevalent among those being stalked.

Although victims are frequently targeted by someone they know—66% of female and 41% of male victims are stalked by current of former partners—sometimes a person has no idea who the perpetrator is.

Stalking affects 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men in the United States. It’s becoming prevalent. A month of awareness allows us the opportunity to get information out about this menacing crime, learn more about it and give access to some useful resources.

Some important facts:

·         Women are nearly 3 times more likely to be stalked than men.

·         The majority of stalkers are male.

·         11% of stalking victims have been stalked for 5 years or more.

·         78% of stalkers use more than one means of approach.

·         Almost 1/3 of stalkers have stalked before.

·         1 in 5 cases of stalking includes the use of a weapon.

Facts around stalking and intimate partner femicide (deaths of women):

·         76% of intimate partner femicide victims have been stalked by their intimate partner.

·         67% had been physically abused by their intimate partner.

·         89% of femicide victims who had been physically assaulted had also been stalked in the 12 months before their murder.

·         54% of femicide victims reported stalking to police before they were killed by their stalkers.

So what can you do?

In Missouri, stalking is a crime. Keep detailed records of stalking incidents. Record keeping can make all the difference in prosecuting stalking cases and can legally help to differentiate between stalking and harassment. Stalking is not just a one-time event—it’s an accumulation of events. Other things to consider:

·         Try to make sure you have witnesses and keep track of who they are.

·         Make a safety plan to help reduce your risk of harm.

·         Consider your online visibility and decide if you need to make changes to be more private.

·         Give pictures of the stalker to security and friends at work/school/etc.

·         Tell your supervisors—they have a responsibility to keep you safe at work.

·         File police reports as incidents happen.

Stalking is a serious offense and can escalate into violence. If you think you’re in immediate danger call 911 or the National Stalking Resource Center hotline: 1-800-FYI-CALL.

For more information and tools, please visit victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center.

Statistics:  victimsofcrime.org

Jackson Katz Part II

Last week I discussed what I learned in the Jackson Katz workshop and I would like to take more time today to discuss an approach that Dr. Katz developed called The Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) Mode. This is a gender violence, bullying and school violence prevention approach that encourages young men and women from all socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds to take on leadership roles in their schools and communities.

I found this program to be engaging and very effective. It has been used in schools with the focus on students with their friends, their peers, their fellow students. The program looks not at the “victim” or the “perpetrator” but at the bystander. What do the people who are witnessing a violent act or situation do? How do they respond? What do you do if you are in the hallway and you see a guy push a girl into the locker—you aren’t close friends with them but you know them? No one in the hallway is doing anything. What do you do? What can you do? What are your choices? So many people think there are only two responses: intervene physically to stop it or do nothing. What if there are other options? Through this program students are able to see that there are different ways to respond. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. They are shown that each individual can learn valuable skills to build their personal resolve and to act when faced with difficult or threatening life situations.

From his website Dr. Katz describes the program this way: The heart of the model is interactive discussion, in single-sex and mixed-gender classes and workshops, using real-life scenarios that speak to the experiences of young men and women in high school, college and other areas of social life. The chief curricular innovation of MVP is a training tool called the Playbook, which consists of a series of realistic scenarios depicting abusive male (and sometimes female) behavior. The Playbook—with separate versions for boys/men and girls/women—transports participants into scenarios as witnesses to actual or potential abuse, then challenges them to consider a number of concrete options for intervention before, during or after an incident.

Many people mistakenly believe that they have only two options in instances of actual or potential violence: intervene physically and possibly expose themselves to personal harm or do nothing. As a result, they often choose to do nothing.

But intervening physically or doing nothing are not the only possible choices. The MVP Model seeks to provide bystanders with numerous options, most of which carry no risk of personal injury. With more options to choose from, people are more likely to respond and not be passive and silent—and hence complicit—in violence or abuse by others. Some suggestions to come out of the group process: Talk to an adult. Check in with someone who is experiencing bullying or violence. Or check in with someone who is doing the bullying and let them know that's not acceptable. Many young men and women, and people in US society in general, have been socialized to be passive bystanders in the face of sexist abuse and violence. This conditioning is reflected in the oft-heard statement that a situation "between a man and a woman" is "none of my business."

I found this program exciting and I would love to see it implanted in the local schools here in Eastern Jackson County. Let’s help young people learn that they can get involved and they can have a role in ending the violence. To learn more about the Bystander Approach visit the website: www.jacksonkatz.com . To learn more about Hope House and the services we offer visit our website: www.hopehouse.net . I encourage you to get involved and to make a difference.