Why They Do It -- Head Shave for Hope House

Nick Swearngin is famous for saying that the reason he started the Head Shave for Hope House event was because he wanted to shave his head and no one would let him. I think it’s true. Or at least it started out that way. As a young man, Nick worked alongside his father, then owner of John’s Barber Shop. Nick had always wanted to shave his head. His dad wouldn’t let him. Later, as a man in his thirties and after Nick had bought the barber shop, he thought surely he could shave his head now, but no. This time it was his wife that wouldn’t allow it. So Nick went about devising a way he could finally shave his head. That way was by creating a fundraiser for his wife's favorite charity—Hope House—and the event was born.

This year marks the event’s 6^th year and there are nearly twenty people participating. I’m always curious about why people do it. So I asked four first timers and here’s what they said. 

Rob Fuller - “It's something I've always believed in. No woman or child should have to live in fear and if this charity helps even one person change their life for the better, then it is worth it. I only wish I could help more people. I see that Nick is always involved and he is so passionate about this charity and he is a great role model. I would like to be involved yearly if I could, but this is the busiest time of the year for an actor and I am usually gone during this time. But if I am home, I would love to help!” Rob is an actor and bodybuilder from Lee’s Summit who has recently appeared in "The Escape Plan", "Chavez Cage of Glory" and "The Kidnapping of Freddy Heineken". 

Mark Crouse - “My sister had a tough go of it in life. Some events that happened to her were not her choice. Some seemed logical given her past. And sometimes she made bad choices. I don't know if she ever knew what healthy living looked like--not even in those around her during her childhood. She stayed at Hope House a few times. She felt safety and love there. In November of 2010, she overdosed on alcohol and pills and died. I know she would thank you for those respites of peace in her life if she could. She can't. So I am.” Mark is a Marine and KU graduate. He works for Sprint. 

Ed Croteau - "I am a great admirer of the ministry of Hope House, to care for those who are in great need and sometimes great danger. I feel honored that Nick would approach me and ask me to be part of such a cool group. Thank you for allowing me to help make a difference." Ed works at Black & Veatch and hosts a weekly study in Lee's Summit called Faith: Substance and Evidence. 

Paul Brooks - “Many of us have at least one woman in our lives that has experienced violence from her significant other. This is not a woman's cause that a few of us champion; this is a vital issue that faces all of us. It is so easy for us, especially as men, to think that domestic violence happens elsewhere, but the reality is that 1 in 3 women will experience violence in her lifetime. It is up to supporters of the cause, as well as survivors of these atrocities, to stand against domestic violence." Paul is a UMKC graduate, volunteers with MOCSA and The Whole Person, and is Secretary at Baha'l in Raytown. 

Each of the participants has their own fundraising page. Please consider donating at firstgiving.com/hopehouse. And join us for this super fun event Saturday, March 15, 10am - 4pm at Lee’s Summit Fire Fighter Association Building at 322 S.E. Douglas Street (IAFF Local 2195).

International Women’s Day - March 8th

This year, International Women’s Day is focused on inspiring change. The UN’s theme is Equality for Women is Progress for All. For us, the change or progress we advocate year round is to end domestic violence. And we're not alone...

Tomorrow there will be events worldwide, celebrating women and inspiring others to get involved. Some women-focused companies are leading the way when it comes to connecting International Women’s Day and the issue of domestic violence. When it comes to speaking out, both Avon and Mary Kay are leading the way.

Avon has celebrated the day by advancing the cause to end domestic violence through its Foundation for Women, celebrity promotional videos and ads, their annual Communication Awards which give accolades to those who speak out against domestic violence and by selling bracelets to raise funds for the cause.

Mary Kay is also committed to changing the lives of women and children by helping to end and prevent domestic violence through The Mary Kay Foundation, sponsoring groundbreaking documentaries on the subject, lobbying congress and sponsoring events like this year's Make Over Day—offering complimentary makeovers to women across the nation on March 8th, International Women's Day.

Locally, MK Studio is doing a Makeover Day Saturday, March 8th, to support Hope House. MK Studio has set a goal to give 100 Makeovers in one day -- Advanced Glamour Makeovers at 10am and Classic Glamour Makeovers at 1:30pm and 3:30pm. Guests are asked to bring any of the following items to donate to Hope House: Toilet paper, paper towels, baby wipes, adult and children’s Tylenol. MK Studio will also have specials during the day to benefit Hope House. MK Studio, 410 SE 3rd Street, Lee’s Summit, MO.  For a free makeover call (816) 797.8013 to secure your spot.

For more information about International Women's Day go to internationalwomensday.com. 

Happy International Women’s Day! Go celebrate and make it count!

Year in Review

Amazingly 2013 has come and gone. I continue to be in awe of how fast time goes. They say the older you get the faster it goes and this certainly seems to be true for me. I have been reviewing our fiscal year numbers as we work to finalize our annual report. The audit and tax returns are almost finished and soon FY 2013 will be officially complete.

What did FY and calendar year 2013 mean for Hope House? We celebrated 30 years of providing services in Eastern Jackson County. We realized that 2013 was similar to 2012, we saw more need and harder to secure resources. We served more people in shelter than 2012 and turned away more people than ever. We provided 2,300 more Bednights than the previous year and continue to have long waiting lists in our outreach programming. The need continues to be very high as people continue to be victimized by domestic violence. I long for the day that I am able to say it is no longer a problem in our society, we have it solved. But until then we will continue our work.

We continue to be very blessed to be part of a community that cares about the people that we work with. I am uplifted when I see children coming in with their parents to make donations and groups coming together with new and unique ways of raising funds and collecting needed items from our wish lists. We continue to work to identify new funding sources to help us meet the growing need and fund the vital services we are providing.

We want to do so much more than we are but we are doing a lot now and I want to celebrate that and recognize that even though there is always more that can be done. We continue to provide emergency shelter services for over 1,100 women and children; we work with thousands in our outreach programming and continue our valuable partnerships with law enforcement, courts and medical personnel. Thanks to the Jackson County Mental Health Levy fund we were able to train all of our staff to be Trauma Informed and now we are working to secure funding to take that training to the next level in order to provide trauma informed services. Our Diversity Committee continues to work hard to ensure we are providing the best service to our clients and that everyone we serve feels welcomed and accepted.

Our goals for this year include evaluating our current level of service and identifying areas of need, and working to address those needs through program changes or potentially providing additional services. We will examine each program, look at what we currently provide, and determine if that is still what we need or do we need to adapt to new presenting issues. This is critical to do on an annual basis to ensure that we are best meeting the needs of our clients. We may not be able to make a lot of changes due to funding restrictions or lack of available staff, but then we prioritize our needs and make changes more slowly, always striving to do the best we can with what we have.

Learn more at hopehouse.net

Combating Human Trafficking

There was quite a bit of coverage prior to the Super Bowl about the Super Bowl being the single largest human trafficking incident in the United States. While there is very little evidence to support this claim, media outlets reported that between 13 and 17 human trafficking victims were rescued prior to and during the Super Bowl this year. 

According to USA Today, “authorities arrested more than 45 pimps and their helpers, some of whom said they traveled to the New York region to traffic the women and juveniles at the NFL championship at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J. The teens, ages 13 to 17, were found in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Pennsylvania. More than 50 women coerced into sex for money were also saved, the agency said. Some of the victims had been involved in international sex trafficking. Six children were rescued in both New Jersey and New York, and four others in Pennsylvania and Connecticut, the FBI said.”

I was pleased to read that part of the plan to stop human trafficking included training and educating hospitality works, airport security employees and other groups that come into contact with children and groups of individuals who are traveling and moving about the country. 

I do believe that widespread training of individuals that come into contact with children and adults as they travel will bring positive results in identifying potential human trafficking victims, as well as victims of other crimes such as kidnapping and abuse.

My daughter and I flew to Chicago recently and, for the first time; she was directly asked questions regarding her name, where she was going and her relationship to me. I was very happy they were asking her these questions as I understood it was a way to see red flags, was she going against her will, did she really know where she was going and did she really know me and trust me. My daughter was very confused and somewhat taken aback by the questions until I explained to her why they were asking and then she was comfortable with the “intrusive questioning”.

Abuse of women and children is an atrocious crime and one I work every day to help bring an end to. I am encouraged by the progress I am seeing in the changes in how we are conducting everyday business and bringing awareness to the general public that they too can be a part of the solution and make a difference.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine’s Day! Today is the day many people will enjoy romantic dinners, chocolates, lovely cards and beautiful flowers. They will be told how much they are loved and appreciated by their significant others, parents, children and other important people in their lives.

Valentine’s Day is a wonderful holiday meant to celebrate love and loving relationships. However, this can be an extremely difficult holiday for those who have experienced domestic violence. The presence of flowers can have a different meaning if the only time you ever receive flowers is after a beating. What if the person who professes to love you also beats you? Tells you that you are ugly, worthless and a horrible person? What if your partner forces you to do things you don’t want to do? It can be difficult in those situations to celebrate today.

We work with our clients every day to help them see their inner beauty and their value and worth as an individual. We help them to reclaim their sense of self and find the love for themselves they have lost somewhere in the mess of domestic violence. We don’t need others to love us to be worthwhile individuals. While love from another can be wonderful and fulfilling, we can be o.k. by ourselves and truly love ourselves for who we are. This is the value we work with clients to find and to reclaim.

Today as you celebrate Valentine’s Day remember your worth as an individual and please remember the people that we are working with in our services. They are working hard to recover from the abuse they have suffered and learning to live with new traditions and new found skills. Please consider making a donation to Hope House to help us further our work with amazingly strong and beautiful people--people worthy of love. The best Valentine’s Day present I will receive today is knowing that I helped someone, in some small way; find her voice and her sense of self- worth and love she has for herself. 

To donate, go to hopehouse.net and click on the donate button. 

Winter Wonderland

We are having quite the winter this year! We seem to have it all, ice, snow, colder than normal temperatures. School has been cancelled; we closed Hope House offices due to the snow storm which dumped ten inches of snow across our area. This weather certainly challenges our patience, our resources for snow removal, street treatment, cancellations of events, business closings, flight cancellations etc.

It doesn’t look like we will be getting a break either with more snow predicted for this weekend and Monday. I wonder if school will be able to resume before spring! But even with all of the challenges and the patience and strength required to shovel our driveways, parking lots and sidewalks, dig people out of ditches the winter wonderland provides an opportunity for fun as well. 

We closed our office on Tuesday due to the weather but due to the nature of our work we must always have staff on hand. I am so grateful for the staff who worked during the storm. The shelter staff braved the streets and made it into work so that they could relieve the person who had come in earlier in the day. The Facilities staff worked tirelessly outside in the elements to make sure the sidewalks and the driveways were clear so staff and clients could get in and out without danger of getting stuck or falling. Their work continued into the next few days as they continued to clear parking lots and sidewalks. I am grateful to all of them for their work and dedication.

On Wednesday, I was working in my office and heard squealing and such amazing laughter that I had to turn around to see what was happening in the court yard. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched the kids throwing snow balls and running around in the snow as if it was the first time they had ever been in snow. It is sometimes hard for me as an adult to remember the fun that winter can bring. So as we all continue to work through the challenges brought out by the snow, I will continue to remember the children playing in the courtyard, having the time of their lives playing with the very same snow that has caused so many challenges. I forget sometimes to find the silver lining, those children helped me remember. I will also remember the dedication of the staff who put the needs of others before their own and will be grateful to work with such dedicated individuals.

Stay safe and warm and travel safely and remember the joy the children experienced in the snow. 

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

You just have to turn on your TV set to know that domestic violence is everywhere. Unfortunately, teens are no exception. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month—offering the opportunity to learn more on the subject and get advice about how to speak to teens about it. Educating kids about what teen dating violence is, how to spot it and what to do about it, can help to keep them safe and happy, as well as lay the groundwork for well-balanced, healthy relationships in the future. And, as teen dating violence is a growing problem, it’s important.

It may seem shocking to contemplate discussing a subject as dark as domestic violence with such a young audience, but unhealthy relationships often start early in life. And, sadly, they can last a lifetime. The numbers are painfully telling:

• One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a partner they are dating—a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
• One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
• Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced. 

What is Teen Dating Violence?

Dating violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to have control and power over a dating partner. It can be physical (hitting, pinching, shoving, etc.), emotional (threatening, shaming or bullying behavior or isolation of a partner—keeping them away from friends and/or family), sexual (forcing sex), or stalking.

Dating violence doesn’t always happen in person. Increasingly it is electronic harassment like constant texting or embarrassing posts online. If you find that violent behaviors are growing in your relationship, it can be very dangerous. Especially for young people who deal with more peer pressure and are less experienced in relationships than the average adult.

Once you know what to look for, patterns of control are easy to spot. Sometimes it starts as simple teasing or name calling. Some of that might seem quite normal, but it can quickly become more serious, leading to more controlling or even violent behavior.

Warning Signs

As relationships vary so greatly, it’s sometimes difficult to know when a behavior crosses the line from healthy to unhealthy or when it becomes abusive. Be on the lookout for these warning signs:

• Checking your cell phone or email without permission
• Constantly putting you down
• Extremely jealous or insecure
• Explosive temper
• Isolating you from family or friends
• Mood swings
• Physically hurting you in any way
• Possessiveness
• Telling you what to do
• Repeatedly pressuring you to have sex
• Pressuring you to send sexually suggestive texts or emails

Why Concentrate on Young People?

• According to the Bureau of Justice, young women ages 16-24 are most vulnerable.
• Violent behavior typically begins between the ages of 12 and 18.
• The severity of domestic violence is often greater in cases where the pattern of abuse was established in adolescence.
• Violent relationships in adolescence can put victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence.
• Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STD.

Not happening around you? Not true.

With one in three teens experiencing violence in their dating relationships, the need for awareness is strong. And with only 33% of teens in a violent relationship even telling anyone about the abuse, clearly we need to start the conversation. If your child isn’t experiencing it personally, chances are they know someone who is and can be of help given the right information.

Teaching teens what is healthy and what is not can go a long way in giving them the tools they need to create healthy relationships that can last them their lifetimes.

To learn more, go to loveisrespect.org, teendvmonth.org or breakthecycle.org.

This article appears in the February 2014 issue of Lee's Summit Lifestyle Magazine.