Happy Thanksgiving

Photo by Jenny Steffens Hobick @
http://jennysteffens.blogspot.com/.

It is that time of year when we stop to give thanks for all of our many blessings. We at Hope House are extremely blessed.

We are blessed to be a part of this wonderful community; a caring community that reaches out to us in so many ways. People are amazing in how creative they are in helping us with our many needs!

Here are a few examples of things that people have done for us in the past that may give you a great idea for how your family, office or church can get involved with Hope House:

- Invite your neighbors over and ask them to bring a new, unwrapped gift for our holiday store. In return, they get hot chocolate and cookies made by your kids.

- Teach a Girl Scouts group how to crochet and have them create tiny blankets for our newborns.

- Hold a wiffle ball tournament with a percent of entry fees coming to Hope House. Get your kids’ schoolmates involved.

Did this list get you thinking creatively? If so, contact our Volunteer Manager, Gretchen, at 816-257-9342 or gschmitz@hopehouse.net to discuss the details.

We thank you for your support and for thinking of us throughout the year. We couldn’t do the work we do without the involvement of our community. We are grateful to everyone who has touched our lives as we work to break the cycle of domestic violence.

We wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.

The Penn State Scandal

Jerry Sandusky photo by AP.

This past week I have been following the news from Penn State and learning about the alleged horrendous abuse that occurred over many years to innocent young children.

I understand that Jerry Sandusky has claimed his innocence of these allegations; however, I read in horror that many people knew about “suspicious” activity occurring but they never followed through or did anything to investigate.  

It is so familiar to hear people respond by saying, “He was a coach and founder of a children’s charity. How could he do this? How could he be a well-respected member of the community and a sexual predator of young children at the same time?”  

In Mr. Sandusky's case a court of law will determine his guilt or innocence, but every day there are those that appear to be model citizens who torture and abuse innocent victims behind closed doors. It is unimaginable to think they could be a coach, a minister, or a judge. It goes against our way of thinking that people can perpetrate such hideous crimes against others, especially children.

We see victims of domestic violence every day who have struggled alone in silence because they didn’t think anyone would believe that their abuser, a respected upstanding citizen, could also be a torturer at home. I heard the same thing reportedly said by those young boys: they didn’t feel they could say anything because no one would believe them or care.

Unfortunately, in this situation, it certainly appears those were valid concerns. People did see the abuse happening, reported it and nothing happened. How can any child feel that they should continue to report? 

What threats are made to hold them hostage in the vicious cycle of abuse?  There are so many similarities to how domestic violence and child abuse occur: trapping victims and perpetuating the belief that they are alone, no one cares, and nothing can be done to stop it.

My heart goes out to all those who have experienced abuse by someone they love or trust. I am sickened that it took so long for this to come to light. How many victims could have been saved endless torture and years of recovery had someone stepped in to help them?

We must all speak up when we see someone being abused; we may be their only hope. We must stop the abuse that is happening in our society before another innocent person becomes a victim. 

Judge Beats Daughter With a Belt

I was horrified at the video released by Hillary Adams that showed her father, Judge William Adams, beating her with a belt and cursing at her extensively. WARNING: this video is extremely graphic and very difficult to watch.

Her mother, Hallie, is also seen hitting Hillary with a belt and yelling at her. Many of the videos’ commenters ask what would possess a mother to allow this to happen, and worse, participate in the cruelty?

Hallie reports that she was also a victim of domestic violence, was brainwashed and had to do everything her husband said.  Is it possible that Hallie participated to the extent that she did to try to keep her daughter safe?

My first thought when I saw Hallie in the video was that she is a battered woman and is doing this to protect her child. If she can make her husband think she agrees with him, then she might be able to calm him down. If she participates and hits Hillary with the belt herself, then maybe he will stop. Pure speculation on my part, but something I’d like you to consider.

Many say if abuse is going on in the home, the mother should leave.  In this situation, Judge Adams is a Family Court Judge; he makes decisions every day on who gets to keep their kids and who doesn’t! It’s quite possible Hallie felt that if she left her husband, she would lose custody of Hillary. What are the chances Hallie would have retained custody? 

Wasn’t Hillary better off with Hallie in the home acting as a mediator and working to protect Hillary from her father? What if Hallie did leave and lost custody? Hillary would have been in the home alone with her father, with no mother to help protect her. As counter intuitive as it sounds, sometimes staying is the safer option.  

I am not suggesting that exposing children to child abuse is a good thing.  I am only pointing out how difficult the choices are that a mother often has to make. Most of the mothers I have worked with care more about their children than themselves.
I am not defending Hallie’s actions; I’m just trying to make everyone look at the situation from another point of view. Let’s remember that the monster in this story is Judge Adams, not his battered wife.  

The $10,000,000 Wedding That Lasted 72 Days



Photo by wakeywakeynews.com

I must admit that I do watch some reality TV but I have not been a follower of the Kardashian Family… that is until recently.

It’s hard not to know what is going on with this family since the big wedding and now the big divorce.  The family is everywhere. I‘m perplexed by the interest in them and their never-ending adventures.

But now, I’m so angry that I have found myself watching and listening when the media reports the Kardashian’s newest drama. I don’t know why I do this since it raises my blood pressure and causes me to use words that are highly inappropriate!

Why am I angry?

Because these people waste money just because they can. I am sickened by the fact that 10 MILLION DOLLARS was spent on one wedding. REALLY?! What does someone need to have at a wedding that costs $10,000,000?

I understand that people have different standards than I do, but again I say: REALLY?! You must spend that type of money?

Since the big wedding I have been spouting off to anyone around me who will listen about this outrageous spending. And now that the marriage lasted a whopping 72 days, I am even more livid!

What does their spending have to do with me?
Do you know what $10,000,000 could do for non-profit organizations? I cringe when I think about how many lives could have been saved if that money had been donated to the domestic violence programs across this country.  Hope House alone serves over 10,000 people every year through our programming. How many more could we serve and assist with $10,000,000, or even $1,000,000? 

Lives are at stake every day in the work we do. We scramble for every penny we get, and yet the Kardashian’s reality is so different from ours that they can throw away millions of dollars for a party. That is just plain wrong and it is shameful.

I am so grateful for all of the supporters that we have. Sometimes they don’t have much themselves, yet they consider others and their needs. They are helping us to break the cycle of violence every day.

I can only hope that someday Kim Kardashian and others who have so much will look at the resources available to them and say, “You know what? I have enough. Instead of throwing this money down the drain, I am going to donate it to a worthwhile charity.” 

Until then, I am afraid those around me will continue to hear me rant.

Do You Know a DV Victim?

Are your sister and niece
victims?

Can you tell by looking at someone that they are or have been a victim of domestic violence? Absolutely not. Just as you can’t look at someone and know where they are from, or what they do for a living.

Survivors of domestic violence often survive alone and in the privacy of their own homes. It can be so difficult to share their pain and the difficult reality of their family life with others.

Those who have been victimized often feel a sense of shame and embarrassment. To me, the last person who should feel embarrassed is the victim. The one perpetrating the abuse is the one who should be riddled with guilt and shame, but too often that is not the case.

Is your co-worker being
abused?

So, how do we know who is being victimized? It’s not that we want to know out of some perverse sense of wanting all the gory details, but from the place of how can I help? What can I do to make their situation better? How do I intervene? What can I say to them? 

These are all questions I hope that everyone is asking themselves about their loved ones and friends. I encourage you to:

1. Visit our website and learn more about the services Hope House offers so you can share this information. 
2. Visit loveisnotabuse.com, sponsored by the Liz Claiborne Company. It has all kinds of educational information including warning signs to look for.
3. Call our hotline at 816-461-HOPE (4673) any time day or night. Our advocates can give you advice on how to talk to and help someone you suspect is being abused.
4. Better yet, encourage the victim/survivor to call us. We won’t try to make them do anything they don’t want to do. We won’t call the police or insist that they come in to shelter. We’re here to help, even if that’s only lending a compassionate ear.

Chairperson Kerry Oliver (R) with
Nancy Woodworth.

This past Sunday we hosted the 4th annual Howlin’ for Hope, sponsored by Carter Energy. This event was held at the dueling piano bar, Howl at the Moon, which is located in the Power and Light District.

I’d like to offer a special thanks to Kerry Oliver, of Carter Energy, for chairing this exciting event.

The dueling piano players created a fun, music-filled atmosphere and lots of opportunities for patrons to get on stage and join them for laughs, and the chance to win prizes. But most importantly, it helped Hope House raise desperately needed funds.

This event raised about $22,000! The money will be used for capital needs (i.e. home repair type projects) at our Lee’s Summit campus. We have over $300,000 worth of projects that need to be done. 

We have drainage issues that need to be addressed on the grounds. There’s also work to do in shelter. The wear and tear our buildings take is truly amazing. But when you consider that both shelters house over 1,100 people every year, it isn’t surprising that they need major upkeep. 

We plan to replace all of the carpet in the shelter with tile, which is easier to maintain, and creates a healthier, cleaner environment for our residents. With so many people in and out of the shelter, carpet is difficult to maintain.  

We will work with other sources to raise the remaining funds needed for all of our capital projects. We’re fortunate that we’ve already received funding for some of the projects through the Goppert Foundation. To close the gap, we have requests out to other funders, as well.

In addition to funding, we’re always looking for groups to help us with the labor for our capital projects. For example, a group of Home Depot employees are currently priming and painting all the exterior trim for the entire Lee’s Summit campus. Other groups have done interior painting, tiling, and landscaping.

Do you belong to group that would like to get involved in a project? Please contact our Volunteer Manager, Gretchen, to discuss the possibilities: 816-257-9342 or gschmitz@hopehouse.net.

Topeka, KS Repeals Domestic Violence Law

Outrage, disbelief, horror:  these are all the feelings I have had since hearing about the Topeka, Kansas City Council and their decision to repeal their domestic violence law.

You can read more about it here. 

I first saw an email about it and I immediately thought it was a hoax. I contacted a Kansas colleague and asked if this was true. To my absolute horror, it wasn’t a joke.

Anthony S. Bush/AP Photo

How did the city of Topeka come to this? The County District Attorney refused to prosecute misdemeanors due to budget cuts. Last year half of their misdemeanors were domestic violence cases.

Then the City said they couldn’t afford it either. So what was their solution? Repeal the law so domestic violence is no longer a crime in the city of Topeka in a play to force the County to step up.

REALLY?! That’s your solution? For the city and the county to play games with people’s lives is outrageous and unacceptable.

Victims of domestic violence do not matter to them; they are nothing but a cost to the city - one that they don’t want to incur. So the most vulnerable citizens are tossed aside in a political game to see who will give in first.

It makes me both incredibly sad and angry. We have worked so hard to let victims of domestic violence know that they matter; that they are worthy and deserving of a better life. We’ve worked to let them know that they don’t have to live in fear; that just because they are in a relationship with somebody doesn’t mean they can be abused.

The City of Topeka shattered that in one vote. Victim advocates in Topeka must start from scratch. They and the victims they work with are in my thoughts. Hopefully, someday soon the politics will be over and victims of domestic violence in Topeka will have the protection they deserve. But how many lives will be lost while they wait to be thought of as more than a budget line item?
____________________

UPDATE: After the City of Topeka voted to repeal their domestic violence law and a national outcry ensued, the County District Attorney’s office has decided to once handle the prosecution of these cases. However, the domestic violence law is still repealed in the City of Topeka.