It's No Laughing Matter: Part III

One of this year’s “funny” Halloween costumes was Ray and Janay Rice. Sadly, there are also images of children in Rice jerseys dragging toy dolls with painted black eyes. Janay Rice posted a response stating, “It’s sad that my suffering amuses others.”

Too often domestic violence becomes the butt of jokes to amuse others. Domestic violence happens every day. It happens here. And, it’s no laughing matter!

This month, Hope House is sharing advocate stories leading up to #GivingTuesday on December 2nd to show DV is real (click here to see Part I and Part II). This week’s story comes from Tanya:

"The client was upset that it had gotten to a point where her abuser physically hurt her. She had already taken so much verbal abuse and manipulation. But, one day, it escalated. She wanted to go out with some friends, but he wouldn’t have it. They got into an argument. He threw out the typical manipulative terms. This time, she stood up to him. But, then he shoved her. When she fell down, he proceeded to lean over her and threaten her even more, telling her she was lucky he didn’t hit her harder.”
Most domestic violence begins with verbal abuse and/or manipulation. Abuse is abuse. If it’s a verbal put-down, a shove, or smack - It’s abuse. Next week on #GivingTuesday, Hope House will spend $3,660 for 122 people to stay in our shelter. Please stand with Hope House on December 2 to show domestic violence is real and #ItsNoLaughingMatter. Donate and share this message with others.

Is Domestic Violence Ever Justified?

Is there ever a time when domestic violence is justified? If someone was using drugs, is it ok for them to be beaten?  Is it ok because the victim has a “big mouth”? When is someone an “acceptable victim”?

 

I read a headline recently:  ”Michael Wayne Jones Allegedly Beats His Girlfriend with Her Dog”. Apparently, Michael Wayne Jones argued with his girlfriend when she was trying to smoke crack with her daughter.  He punched his hand through the windshield, grabbed her dog, and proceeded to swing the dog and hit her with it as if the dog were a club. His excuse was “She was doing drugs.”

Does that make her deserving of being beaten?  Many of the people who posted comments beneath the article thought so.

I hear these statements a lot:

• “She must have done something to deserve to be beaten.”
• “She must like it if she doesn’t leave.”

I must say I am still affected by these statements even after 20 years. I don’t know of anyone that likes it or asks for it. Yes, some people do drugs. Yes, some people yell and are loud and argue. Yes, some people swear and can be crude, but does that mean they deserve to be beaten? My answer is “No”.  

No one deserves to be beaten.

 

I have this to say to the abusive person:

“If you don’t like your partner’s behavior then you have choices to make.  You can try to work it out peacefully, you can go to counseling, or you can leave. You have choices. Please don’t choose to continue the cycle of violence. Please stop making excuses and blaming the victim.  Stand up and accept responsibility. Stop the violence.”