Lilith Fair to Donate $1 Per Ticket Sold in Kansas City

This week's guest blogger is Lee Marlin, Director of Marketing for Hope House.

Hope House receives funding from a variety of the obvious sources like government grants, area businesses, organizations, and individuals. But we're always on the lookout for less obvious opportunities.

WHAT IS THE LILITH FAIR TOUR?

The Lilith Fair Tour, a celebration of women in music, is coming to KC in July. $1 from every ticket sold in Kansas City will be donated to the local charity with the most votes. That's where you come in...

VOTE ON FACEBOOK

This link takes you to the Lilith Fair site where you can see that Hope House is currently in the lead! But we need your help to cement that lead. Please click through and vote for Hope House. You must be a member of Facebook, but you don't have to live in Kansas City. You just have to care about the women and children we help every day.

The 2 minutes it takes you to vote could mean up to $18,000 (the capacity of Capital Federal Park @ Sandstone) for Hope House operations.

NEED MORE INCENTIVE?

If Hope House wins, singer and Lilith organizer Sarah McLachlan will personally present a check for the amount raised to Hope House CEO MaryAnne Metheny during the show in Kansas City!

Does the Economy Cause Domestic Violence?

I have been asked many times in the past months how the economy has affected domestic violence. Does the economy cause domestic violence? What is economic abuse? I thought I would take this opportunity to provide more information about those issues.

Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over his partner. Economic abuse is using economics/money to maintain that power and control.

Examples of how this is done include:

• Controlling finances
• withholding money or credit cards
• ruining credit ratings
• requiring an accounting of money that is spent and punishment if not spent on things the abuser approves
• preventing the partner from working or causing them to lose their job
• withholding necessities such as food, clothing and medication
• stealing from their partner or using their personal identification fraudulently 

Does the bad economy cause domestic violence? The answer is “no”. However, it doesn’t help in situations where there is already abuse present. Economic stresses often lead to more frequent and more violent abuse when domestic violence is already present. It also creates more barriers to a woman’s ability to flee the situation.

• Domestic violence is three times as likely to occur when couples are experiencing high levels of financial strain as when they are experiencing low levels of financial strain.
• Women whose male partners experience two or more periods of unemployment over a 5-year study were almost three times as likely to be victims of intimate violence as were women whose partners were in stable jobs.
• Three out of four domestic violence shelters report an increase in women seeking assistance from abuse since September 2008 (NNEDV, Impact of the economy on domestic violence)

Hope House is one of the shelters that have seen an increase in the numbers of people seeking services. We are seeing the impact of the economy in the length of time people are staying in shelter. People are staying longer, because it’s more difficult to secure employment, get bills paid and access services from other agencies that are at capacity due to their own diminished resources.

We are seeing more people in our outreach programs and have a waiting list that is longer than any time in our history. We turned away more than we served in shelter last fiscal year.

The struggle for Hope House is to find the balance between the increase in the demand for services coupled with decreases in our funding. We are doing more with less but will continue to work to provide the absolute best service for our clients, while we work to increase our resources.

Events Keep the Lights On

Events are a very important part of the work we do at Hope House. In order for us to offer our services to the people that need us, we must continue to raise dollars and awareness of our mission. Events are a great way to accomplish this goal. Net proceeds from our events help to support our daily operations; they help keep the doors open and the lights on every day.

SPRING FLING

Hope House hosts four events during the year. There was Spring Fling (a casino night) in March, and it was a huge success this year despite the blizzard! The first day of spring, and we were hit with a snow storm. It didn’t dampen the spirits of the 160 courageous souls who braved the weather to join us.

CELEBRITY GOLF CLASSIC

Our golf tournament is just around the corner and will be held on May 17^th. Held at Creekmoor Golf Club in Raymore, Missouri, we have a sell out crowd that will spend the day golfing, eating and buying auction items. The golf tournament has been a big hit and we are fortunate to have most of the same teams return year after year to continue to support us. It is opportunity for people to have fun and help us raise funds at the same time. What a win-win for everyone.

COMING UP

Rounding out the year is Hope & All That Jazz, our black tie gala, on August 21st, and Howlin’ for Hope, a rocking interactive dueling piano show on October 3rd. Visit our website to find out more details and get information about sponsorships and tickets.

THIRD PARTY EVENTS 

We have many third party events during the year as well. These events are hosted by others, with proceeds coming back to Hope House. For example, Mama Ray hosted her 15th Annual Have a Heart for Hope on April 11th at BB’s Lawnside BBQ and raised over $3,000! Please visit our website www.hopehouse.net to see a listing of the upcoming third party events. If you are interested in sponsoring your own event for Hope House, please let us know!! 

Mother's Day is May 9th

Mother’s Day is celebrated the second Sunday in May and falls on May 9^th this year. It is a time for all of us to pause and honor our mothers and celebrate the time that we have with them and all that they do for us.

SPENDING A HOLIDAY IN SHELTER

Holidays at Hope House are celebrated with mixed emotions and Mother’s Day is no exception. The women who are in our services are struggling with the fact that their family is not as they wish it to be, and their lives are in crisis. To have that coupled with a holiday can be extremely difficult, but very positive as well.

We do our best to make the holidays a wonderful time where everyone feels special. We want them to be able to celebrate the holiday with the joy and enthusiasm they would if their circumstances were different. Our hope is that everyone can experience the holiday as it is meant to be experienced: in celebration of their own mothers, and for those who are mothers themselves, a chance to celebrate with their children.

KIDS CAN "SHOP" FOR GIFTS FOR THEIR MOM

We are fortunate to benefit from the generosity of the community and are able to have gifts for mothers on Mother’s Day. Kids are able to “shop” for their moms and have a gift for her on her special day without having to worry about money or how they will get their gift for mom.  Groups often volunteer to put together gift bags and dinner for our shelter clients, hoping to make the day memorable for those who will be spending it with us in shelter.

HONOR YOUR MOM THIS MOTHER'S DAY

Every Mother’s Day Hope House gives you the opportunity to honor those special mothers in your life by making a gift to Hope House. In turn, Hope House will send a Mother’s Day card to those women letting them know that a life-saving gift has been made to Hope House in their honor.

In order for cards to arrive by Mother’s Day, the mailing address of your honoree must be local (Kansas City area) and we must receive your gift electronically before Friday, May 7 at noon. If you are interested in learning more about this opportunity, follow this link or email Lee at lmarlin@hopehouse.net. 

Why Do They Stay?

Our guest blogger this week is Kerry Oliver, Hope House Board Member.

It’s the BIG DAY in your life and you are marrying the man of your dreams! Your family is all there, you’ve spent more money on the wedding and reception than you planned, but it’s all going to be worth it. You have a few things that are in the back of your mind that are not quite what you expected from the man of your dreams, but you are thinking that will change after you are married.

As the months and years go by, the control of what you are allowed to wear, where you are allowed to go, who you are allowed to talk to, when you can see your family… first it felt like he really cared and really loved you.  But as the look in his eyes became more foreboding and his grip on your arm started to leave bruises, you are thinking this is not quite what you expected from the man of your dreams.

After he hits you for the first time, his tears come, he apologizes, says he didn’t know what came over him and his kindness makes your life together feel better than ever. You feel you have turned the corner into the arms of the man of your dreams.

He hits you again. This time there’s no tears and no apology. He says it’s your fault. Hmmmm? Did you do something different? Is there some rule or boundary you have violated? You know marriage is about give and take, and sharing responsibilities….ok, maybe it was my fault. You say you are sorry, but you are thinking this is not quite what you expected from the man of your dreams.

The fear that keeps you awake at night, praying that you have done nothing wrong that will set him off, is with you constantly. Your job is at risk, you have no friends left to talk with about what you are going through, and your family knows something is wrong but not quite sure what it is because you are distant and embarrassed. You told everyone that this is the man of your dreams.

When you finally realize that the life you are living is not a life at all and that the hitting and abuse is not your fault, you make plans to leave. They are very secret plans, because if he finds out, you may never leave… alive. You stash cash, stash clothes, set up a separate mailing address, and find a new job so he cannot harass you at your employer. You don’t tell your family for fear they won’t understand. You will be alone. You will no longer be with the man of your dreams.

After reading this story or any other similar story, or upon hearing an abuse victim recant her story, you may be asking yourself “why did she stay?” Well, did you stay or leave after your first fight with your spouse? Did your spouse ever throw anything at you? Did your marriage ever go through a tough time when you could have left, but chose to stay and see it through?

It’s hard to admit you made a poor choice in the first place and all the harder to admit you made repeated poor choices, as I did, just to save a marriage. That was a long time ago. My long relationship with Hope House is not as a victim, but as a contributor and Board Member. My plight is to ensure that my children, friends and all the people I can touch understand domestic violence and the small ways it can start and escalate. No one should be a victim, especially to someone they believe they love.

Volunteer Appreciation Week is April 18-24, 2010

This week’s guest blogger is Gretchen Hicks, Volunteer Programs Manager for Hope House.

Volunteer Appreciation Week is April 18-24, 2010. If at no other time, this is the time to show your appreciation to volunteers!

Volunteers don't get paid, not because they're worthless, but because they're priceless. ~Sherry Anderson

A statement could not be truer than that. Volunteers are priceless. As the Volunteer Programs Manager at Hope House, I have the pleasure of working with volunteers day-in and day-out. Currently we have 250 volunteers, with an average of 70-90 who volunteer each month. With the help of our volunteers, we are able to accomplish so much more. Their assistance equates to Hope House saving approximately $22,000 a month in personnel costs.

The work we do here, empowering our clients to live a life free of abuse, could not be done without the help of our valued volunteers. Volunteers are here for us rain or shine, snow or ice, helping in a multitude of ways. Volunteers are able to work in any of our programs. Here are a few examples of the things volunteers can do:

• “Reading Reaches”, a program where volunteers read to children in shelter

• Special events

• Assisting in shelter

• Assisting in the Court Advocacy program

• Assisting with BridgeSPAN, our hospital-based advocacy program

• Answering the phones at the front desk of each location

• Administrative assistance

• Speakers bureau / display requests

• Assisting at our safe visitation program

• Working with the children in the Early Childhood Center

• Working in the Hope Street Boutique, which is our clothing closet

• Facilities and maintenance work

And it all begins with just an 8-hour volunteer training class. Those interested in working directly with clients receive a more intensive training. Volunteer trainings are held quarterly. The next one is scheduled for June 2010.

If you’re thinking that you have no special skills to offer, you are wrong! Everyone has something to offer. It’s just a matter of reaching inside yourself and letting it be expressed. Once you find a good cause that you support and believe in, all it takes is the will power to take that first step—you’d be amazed how easily you can become a volunteer. There is nothing better than being there supporting someone else with their needs, knowing you’re making a difference. What a rewarding feeling!

Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. ~Author Unknown 

If you’re thinking that you have no special skills to offer, you are wrong! Everyone has something to offer. It’s just a matter of reaching inside yourself and letting it be expressed. Once you find a good cause that you support and believe in, all it takes is the will power to take that first step—you’d be amazed how easily you can become a volunteer. There is nothing better than being there supporting someone else with their needs, knowing you’re making a difference. What a rewarding feeling!

I always wondered why “somebody” didn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. ~Lily Tomlin

Be that “somebody”. Ask yourself, “Why haven’t I become a Hope House volunteer?” To find out more, check out our website www.hopehouse.net and click on “Ways to Give”, or you may contact me directly at ghicks@hopehouse.net.

National Crime Victims' Rights Week

April 18th-24th is National Crime Victim’s Rights Week. Started in 1981, National Crime Victims’ Rights Week (NCVRW) has brought much needed attention to the victims of crime, their families and the professionals who serve them.

Domestic violence is a crime, as we all know. This week of recognition and support to crime victims is very important to Hope House as a way to honor and recognize the journey of all of those who have been impacted by crime.

This year’s theme—“Crime Victims’ Rights: Fairness. Dignity. Respect”, are themes that we at Hope House work toward every day. We work to ensure that every victim that comes into our services feels they have been treated with fairness, dignity and respect, from us as a service provider.

These are fundamental rights that everyone should have but especially those who have been traumatized and victimized. This week is an opportunity for the nation to reflect on those who have been victimized and work to address disparities in the system to ensure that the victimization doesn’t continue as they begin the process of recovery.

In Eastern Jackson County we are fortunate to work with dedicated and caring professionals such as:

1) Law enforcement, who work to apprehend and charge the perpetrator.
2) The prosecutor, who works to ensure justice through the court process.
3) The health care professional who is working to heal physical injuries.

Each of them have the goal of providing quality, competent services to victims and to work to start the healing process and the road to recovery. It is our priority to put the crime victim’s needs first, to address their needs holistically and to ensure recovery from the victimization.

On our campuses we have visual and daily reminders of the thoughtfulness of others during NCVRW. We have a beautiful water garden where clients can sit, reflect and work toward recovery. That garden started out as a bird bath, but through the work of dedicated individuals and the generosity of many, it now brings beauty to the campus and honors those who have been victims of crime. Every time I see it, I am reminded of the work we do and the commitment and caring of others who made the garden a possibility and made the healing journey one of beauty and peace.

I invite you to take time during this week to reflect on the journey that crime victim’s must make and look for ways to get involved and to help make that journey a bit easier. You can visit our website http://www.hopehouse.net/ or for resource guides specific to crime victim’s week visit http://ovc.ncjrs.gov/ncvrw or http://www.ncvc.org/.