He Has A Crush On You

I happened across a blog posting that I thought was brilliant and so on target. The blog is called Views from the Couch, written by the Queen of the Couch. The topic for her post this particular day was called "You Didn’t Thank Me for Punching You in the Face".  As you can imagine, that caught my attention so I read the blog and all I could say was, “Yes! Way to go!” What a brilliant way to discuss the concept of how we talk to our young children about abusive behaviors.

This blog was about how, as little girls, many of us were taught that when young boys pull our hair, hit or tease us, their behavior is excused because it means “he likes you”. 

The blogger shares an experience of her daughter having her bracelets physically stolen off of her arm by a classmate. She went to the school to address the incident with the teacher. The teacher responded by smiling and explaining it away to her daughter by saying “he probably has a crush on you”.  

When we teach our children that this type of behavior is acceptable and a form of flattery, we are setting our children up to fail, both boys and girls. We need to teach our children that when we like someone, we show them that in respectful ways, not verbally and physically abusive ways.

When abusive behaviors are considered forms of flattery, we perpetuate the notion that violence, whether verbal or physical, is okay, teaching long standing patterns of behavior that are destructive to children and adults. How do you go from learning the behavior is flattery as a young child, to knowing as an adult that it isn’t flattery, but abuse? You don’t without a great deal of difficulty.

As I have said many times before, the only way we are going to stop abuse is to break the cycle with our children by teaching appropriate behavior and boundaries. If a boy doesn’t know how to show a girl he likes her, then let’s teach him the right ways rather than condoning abusive behaviors and setting up long term inappropriate patterns of behavior.

If you want to read the entire blog post I mentioned earlier, you can read it here. ALERT: This blog contains a great deal of cursing, if you are opposed to this type of language, I would urge you not to read this blog.

National Crime Victims' Rights Week

Every year in April a week is set aside to honor victims of crime. This year April 22-28 is set aside as National Crime Victims’ Rights Week. The theme for this year is "Extending the Vision: Reaching Every Victim".

I think it is extremely important to take a moment and honor those who have been traumatized by crime. There are so many types of crimes and victims in our country every year, many that go unnoticed and unrecognized. There are many agencies and people working to alleviate crime, but unfortunately we are not there yet.

At Hope House our mission is break the cycle of violence and to offer services to those who are victims of the crime of domestic violence. Many people still do not think of domestic violence as a crime, but think of it as a "family matter". It is a crime and many in our community are partnering with us to stop this hideous crime from continuing to affect another generation.

We are grateful for all those who work with us to provide services to our clients so they can live a life free of abuse:

• Police
• Prosecutors
• Probation and parole
• Physicians and dentists
• Social workers
• Attorneys 
• And many others too numerous to list

We are grateful for all they do to help our clients get back on their feet. We couldn’t do what we do without those partnerships.

During this week, let’s all take a moment to stop and think about those who have been victimized and who need help and support. If you know someone who has been a victim of a crime, I encourage you to reach out to them with a listening ear, or support in some other way. Recovering from a crime is not easy and every bit of support helps.

Celebrity Golf Classic

It is that time of year again! We are gearing up for our 8th annual Hope Takes Flight Celebrity Golf Classic. The tournament has been a huge success and this year will be no exception. 

The event will take place on Monday, May 21st at the Creekmoor Golf Club in Raymore, Missouri. Registration begins at 10AM and shotgun start at 11:45AM. 

Even if you are not a golfer, come out to see us. We will have a silent auction with lots of great items to bid on. We would love to see you there.

The tournament is one way we raise money for our daily operations. It is a great opportunity for you to have fun, enjoy the outdoors with a few of your friends, and help a support Hope House at the same time.
We will feed you lots of great food and give you a wonderful goody bag. We offer great prizes to the top three winning teams and winners of the competitions. Plus, there are opportunities to win great auction items. It is a win-win for you and for Hope House.

The golf course is one of the finest in the metro area and your team will be paired with a local celebrity. What are you waiting for? Sign up foryour sponsorship today.

If you haven’t joined us at this event, now is the time. It was a sell out last year so don’t wait too long or you might miss out on the fun!

Margarita Ball

Spring is in the air and we are gearing up for our new event the Margarita Ball. It is sure to be a great time with music, margaritas and lots of food. We are excited about this new event and are looking forward to a great crowd.

The event will be April 13th from 7-11 PM at Studio Dan Meiners, 2500 West Pennway in Kansas City, Missouri (map it). 

We’ll have two bands to entertain you:  Idle Time, a Jimmy Buffett cover band, as well as one of Kansas City’s most popular bands, The Zeros, who will be playing all your favorite 80s tunes. During breaks and between bands we are thrilled to have DJ Ashton Martin keeping everyone dancing.

We will have an auction with great items like 4 tickets to see Jimmy Buffet at the Sprint Center on April 21^st in the luxurious KCP&L suite, a Chiefs’ luxury suite with 8 parking passes for the 2^nd pre-season game, plus many more exciting items.

Thank you to Pat and Becky Dunn, the event’s honorary chairs, and working chairs Amy Blunt, Angela Nadler and Cici Rojas. It is going to be a fun-filled evening and we would love to have you join us.

Visit our website for more information, and to purchase your tickets. Online ticketing will close at 12:01AM on Thursday, April 12. After that time, please call Libby at 816-206-5823 to inquire about ticket availability.

Creative Fun Raises Funds

Carl Schmidt, owner of Fat Smitty's. Photo by ABC News.

I was on the internet the other day and saw a headline that read: “Diner peels $10K off the walls and donates to charity”. Well, of course, this caught my attention and I read further.

The story from Good Morning America detailed Fat Smitty’s diner, which is along Highway 101 in Washington State. It is known for its oversize burgers and the unusual way customers show appreciation. When a customer finishes a satisfying meal, they write their name on a dollar bill and tack it to the wall.

The owner of Fat Smitty’s had never taken the dollars down. The tradition started in 1985 and the next 27 years customers continued the tradition. It grew over the years until the walls were covered sometimes in several layers of bills. 

The owner, Carl Schmidt, was very humble and stated that he never thought the money belonged to him so he never took it down. When Carl was closing the diner for the season, he had the help of volunteers and some local Boy Scouts in taking down all of the money which totaled $10,316. Wow! How wonderful is that?

Since Carl felt the money wasn’t his, he is donating the money to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and Camp Parson Boy Scout Camp to fund a new dining hall.

This story was so heartfelt and made me smile. It reminded me of the many unusual ways people raise money for Hope House. For example, Nick Swearingen hosts a head-shaving event every March that brought in over $11,000 this year!

And on April 15th, Mama Ray hosts her 17th annual Have a Heart Jazz & Blues Benefit at BB’s Lawn Side BBQ. That’s a full day of beer, BBQ and blues – what a fun, creative way to help us raise money.

You can visit our website www.hopehouse.net for details and tickets for our upcoming events. If you have an idea for a new event, please contact Libby at lconnor@hopehouse.net or 816-257-9334. We would love to hear from you.

World Conference of Women's Shelters

President Clinton spoke at this year's World
Shelter Conference. NNEDV photo.

I had the fortunate opportunity to attend the 2^nd annual World Conference of Women's Shelters in Washington, D.C. a couple of weeks ago. The event was hosted by the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV).

The experience was a mixture of emotions for me. I was amazed at the number of people in the room working to end violence against women. 1,500 men and women came from around the world to share stories and experiences and work for better solutions!

I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness at one point.  I realized just how massive this problem is and even with all of the efforts being made to stop it, it’s still happening. I wondered what it will take to finally bring an end to this devastating violence.

Unfortunately, I do not think the violence will end any time soon. This realization left me, for a moment, feeling somewhat defeated. Then I heard a story from a survivor and heard her triumph over obstacles so huge no one would think she could survive, but she did. 


She not only survived, she is thriving. She survived 4 gunshots at close range - one through her head - and she is living today to tell her inspiring story. With that I felt a renewed sense of hope and determination. We are making a difference.

We were then addressed by President Clinton. He encouraged us to keep fighting the fight, to keep doing what we are doing because people are depending on us. If we can’t be there for these victims, then who will? He said we were making a difference in the lives of women and children all around the world, and that women simply deserve the right to chart their own futures and live their lives.

With that, I felt energized and ready to come back to help all those impacted by domestic violence. There has been so much progress, and there will be more to come. We will bring an end to the violence. Thank you for helping me work towards that goal.

Res in Motus Award Nomination

I was pleasantly surprised to receive an email from Nancy Bruns, President of the Lee’s Summit Chamber of Commerce, letting me know that Hope House had been nominated by Tina Stidham for the 2012 Res in Motus (“Business In Motion”) Business of the Year Award. What an honor that we were recognized and nominated!

The award is a celebration of business and non-profit contributions to the community. There are several categories based on business size.

All nominees are asked to complete an application for consideration. The application process was somewhat intense and thought-provoking. It's good to look at our work through a different lens and have an opportunity to highlight our successes over the past years.

The process of picking the winners is somewhat involved, and just because we submitted an application doesn’t mean we will win. All the applicants will be recognized at a Chamber luncheon in March, and the top three finalists in each category will be announced. The winners are announced at a membership luncheon in May.

I will be keeping my fingers crossed that we are selected, but if not, that’s OK, too. We are honored to have been nominated and to be a part of the process.