Domestic Violence and Financial Freedom

Imagine you’ve just run from your home in fear, with your children at your side. You’ve moved into a shelter, so you’re living with a bunch of strangers. You feel safe for the first time in a long time, but then the reality sets in: “What am I going to do for money?”

Your abusive partner didn’t allow you to have a job, or handle the finances. At first, you thought that was a dream come true. Now you realize it was all about controlling and isolating you. You haven’t held a job in years, and have never paid bills.

This is a typical scenario for Hope House clients. That’s why, with the support of The Women’s Foundation, we offer a Self Sufficiency Program. The advocates that lead the program work with our clients individually and in groups to help them learn about how to handle their money, and increase their employability. 

In a 2009 study examining issues of concern to women in the Kansas City area, women identified “employment and finance” as the second most important issue facing them today. Within that category, participants identified the importance of job training, access to long-term employment, financial education, and accessible transportation.

Survivors of domestic violence face these same struggles in addition to living in constant fear. The financial cost of leaving an abusive partner can be overwhelming. Once a woman leaves her partner, she becomes solely responsible for providing for her family. 

In Hope House’s most recently completed fiscal year, 10/1/10 – 9/30/11, the average annual income for families sheltered at Hope House was only $4,447 without financial support from the abuser; 93% were below poverty; 54% reported no income at all.

With little or no income, it is impossible for many survivors to immediately be self-sufficient and provide for the basic needs of food, shelter, and adequate healthcare coverage for themselves and their children.

Through the Self-Sufficiency Program, Hope House offers survivors of domestic violence an opportunity to gain both knowledge and skills in financial literacy and job readiness. With these new skills available to her, a mom can now support her kids.

She doesn’t have to wonder if she should return to her abuser because she had no other way to pay the bills. She’s empowered to start a new life, free from abuse.

New Young Professionals Group Formed

­Our guest blogger this week is Ashley Gillard, Hope House Board Member and chair of Hope House Young Professionals.

I am so proud to introduce Hope House Young Professionals (HHYP) as the newest edition to the Hope House family.  It started as an idea just a year ago, which turned into planning, and finally into an official group just a few months ago. 

The purpose for forming this group is to tap into the resources young professionals bring to the table.  Members of the group are from all areas of Kansas City and work in a variety of industries, from law to health care to psychology and beyond. 

Our members offer a willingness to take on new projects for Hope House’s benefit, and to create their own fundraising events that target other young professionals in the area. 

While people in the beginning of their careers may not be able to make a large monetary donation to Hope House, they can offer a yearly membership (only $30), participate in fundraising happy hours, and spread awareness about Hope House to their peers and at their places of work. 

You might wonder why I was so anxious to get this group started.  My journey to become a Hope House Board Member and the chair of HHYP began eight years ago.  It all started in my first women’s studies course as an undergraduate, which opened my eyes to all of the difficulties women face in our world. 

But, what truly changed my life forever was the day I met 16-year-old Nicole. It was the first day of my women’s studies internship at the local sheriff’s office in their domestic violence unit. 

On that day, Nicole had told her mother that her grandfather had been abusing her for years.  They came to the sheriff’s office to seek help in obtaining a restraining order against her grandfather.

Nicole was scared and worried.  But with the help of those around her and the local resources, she made it through the restraining order hearing and through those first difficult months.

What Nicole made me realize is that domestic violence is in all the places you expect, plus all the places you wouldn't expect.  If you and I don’t help in whatever way we can, then people like Nicole might not have caring people around them to help carry them through to better days. 

The Hope House Young Professionals group aims to be a vehicle for change.  HHYP allows people to step up and do what they can to become involved in an important cause. 

Becoming a member is simple.  For $30, you can become a HHYP member for a year, which puts you on our invite list for happy hours and fundraising events like Margarita Ball.   If you’re interested feel free to sign up on the Hope House website, or contact me for more information at ashley.gillard@bryancave.com.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

This was the Hope House shelter when I started
working here. It was the shelter from 1987 to 1995. 

I have been taking a trip down memory lane this week. 20 years ago, on September 2, 1992, I started my first job at Hope House as a Women’s Therapist.

I first joined the Hope House staff shortly after graduating with my Master of Social Work (MSW) degree in 1989, but left after 6 months to pursue another opportunity.

I was lured by more money and the thought that I would have more opportunities elsewhere. While I really liked the other jobs, I knew my true calling was at Hope House.

When there was an opening, I was thrilled to “come back home”. To say I never should have left wouldn’t be true. I learned a lot while I was gone; mostly how much I appreciated and loved working with those who have been affected by domestic violence.

In the past 20 years, I have grown so much personally and professionally. I loved working directly with the clients in shelter. I learned that these survivors have:

•          Strength
•          Optimism in the face of many obstacles
•          Perseverance
•          Grace
•          Creativity
•          Determination to make it another day

I have said before that victims of domestic violence are the strongest people I have ever met. I saw so much of that when I was their therapist and shelter director.

20 years later, as the CEO of Hope House, I'm looking forward to many more years of working to end the cycle of domestic violence. Thank you for your support and encouragement along the way.

Back to School

Well, it’s that time of the year… kids, as well as some adults, are heading back to school. I cannot believe how fast this summer has flown by.

It is exciting to see the seasons ready to change, school beginning and all of the hope and expectation that comes with starting something new.

We’re grateful for our ability to offer school supplies to each child entering school in the fall. They don’t have to go to school worrying about being labeled because they live in a shelter, or they don’t have enough money for supplies.

Our goal is that the children go to school without stress and worry about their living arrangements or what is going on in their lives. They need to focus on themselves and their school work, not finances, shelter, food, etc.

With the graciousness and generosity of our community, Hope House doesn’t have to worry about that either. There is enough for everyone to go to school equipped and ready to learn.

Children are resilient and have such hope and wonder about the world. This optimism can be dampened when there is trauma and crisis in their world. We work hard to help them find it again and bring it back to life.

Good luck to all of our students no matter what age they are. My hope is they have a very successful school year filled with new knowledge and excitement.

Hope & All That Jazz

We are gearing up for our annual Hope and All That Jazz this Saturday, August 18, at the Muehlebach Hotel in downtown Kansas City.

We look forward to this annual event as we gather with 500 of our supporters and friends to raise money for the daily operations at Hope House. It is a fun evening to dress up and mingle with friends and those you haven’t seen for some time. 

Everyone is in a good mood and ready to bid on the wonderful auction items that are displayed so beautifully. Every year bidding wars happen. It’s so fun to watch people hovering close to the bid sheet, ready to write down the next bid as soon as the previous bidder walks away. 

We have wonderful donors that donate beautiful and unique auction items that appeal to everyone. We have sports items, beautiful artwork, home accents, a wonderful collection of wine, and so much more. There truly is something for everyone.

The live auction includes trips, sports packages, and a much sought after puppy, to name a few.

We will have a story from a survivor that I am so looking forward to hearing. She is truly an inspiration and I know people will be moved by her story of survival and her sense of gratitude and optimism.

If you have never been to Jazz before I encourage you to consider it this year. It’s a great time and all of the proceeds help us continue our mission of breaking the cycle of domestic violence.

It isn’t too late to sponsor a table or to buy individual tickets. Contact Libby at 816-257-9334 for more information. I hope to see you on the 18^th.

Submissive, Aggressive or Empowered

Cyndie O'Bleness of Elements Martial Arts

Today's guest blogger is Lee Marlin, Director of Marketing for Hope House.

Submissive or aggressive. Very often, our clients and their children arrive at Hope House with one of these two responses to interactions with others. They’ve learned through living with their abuser whether “freeze, fight, or flight” is their best option for getting out of a situation unharmed.

Cyndie O’Bleness, owner of Elements Martial Arts in North Kansas City, believes there is a better response, which starts with self empowerment. 

Cyndie volunteers three times a week teaching classes in personal safety and empowerment at Hope House fo­­r the women, school-aged children, and pre-school children who are living in our shelter.

Cyndie’s philosophy when teaching at Hope House is, “We don’t want to get to the ‘fighting back’ stage. We want it (a confrontation) to be a non-event.” 

To that end, she teaches our clients how to use their voice and body language; how to set boundaries; how to get over the fear of saying “no” when someone is doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable. 

“Something as simple as eye contact is important, but extremely difficult for someone who’s been traumatized,” Cyndie explains.

Martial arts fighting isn’t taught in her classes at Hope House. “We don’t want to teach these women to fight and make them think they can walk back into the relationship and be safe.” However, if a women or child is interested in training in martial arts, Cyndie offers scholarships and sliding scale fees.

Hope House women’s therapist Janet Howard said of the trainings, “Because girls are taught in our society to ‘be nice’ it is often translated into being ‘submissive’ or ‘not making a scene’. Cyndie is teaching them that they have a voice and mind and can make their own decisions after they assess the situation.”

Jill Weiterman, Hope House children’s therapist says, “One of the best things about this program is the self-esteem I have seen it foster in the kids; especially some of the boys who are struggling with anger problems.  Cyndie has given the kids something to look forward to every week.” 

We are so grateful to Cyndie for all she does for our clients. She is teaching them skills that will change the way they relate to everyone in their life. To learn more about Cyndie’s classes, seminars, and outreach programs, please visit her website http://www.elements4women.org/.

Everyone Needs a Support System

Everyone needs a support system,
whether it's family or friends.

I recently had surgery to have my gall bladder removed. This was my first experience having any type of surgery and being in a hospital other than when I had my daughter years ago. It was very different being on the patient side, receiving all of the concern and support from family and friends. 

While I was in the hospital, I was never alone. I had my husband and daughter right there checking on me, making sure I didn’t lift anything or do too much. My parents arrived soon after I got home from the hospital and they never left my side. 

All of them were always available to help with whatever needed to be done. I didn’t have to worry about anything other than myself, and resting. 

This experience really made me realize how fortunate I am that I have such a loving and available support system. I am very aware that not everyone has such a support system, and they have to go through many challenges alone, without anyone to share their feelings, triumphs and trials.

I have thought about our clients and how so many of them handle experiences so much more severe than mine without that loving support system. How do they do it? How do they cope with such challenges without anyone helping them through the process?

I have always thought that our clients are the strongest people I have ever met, and my recent experience has affirmed that for me. 

For some people, Hope House may be the only support system that they have.  They look to us for the support and encouragement that others receive from family members and friends. I am so glad that we are there for those who do not have anyone else. 

I cannot imagine going through life without the love and support of my family.  Thankfully, I have that, and knowing that gives me the drive to continue this work so that Hope House is there when needed. No one should have to face life’s challenges alone.