Domestic Violence Apps

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to visit with Lara Moritz from Channel 9 about the apps that have been developed for domestic violence victims. Apps are a great way to connect with people especially those in their teens and 20’s. Communicating electronically is so commonplace now no one even thinks about it. Emails, texts, Instagram, facebook, twitter and apps are all ways that the majority of people are now communicating with each other.

There are many apps out there for those affected by domestic violence. Some are geared towards educating the public about DV, some to help discern if you are in an abusive relationship, others are for medical professionals in hospitals, doctors’ offices and clinics to help make assessments of DV victims and refer them to resources, and others are focused on safety and/or immediate shelter for victims.

There was actually a challenge back in 2011 from the Department of Health & Human Services and the White House encouraging the development of applications to provide college students and young adults with tools to help prevent dating violence and sexual assault. It had some very good, specific criteria that included check-ins with trusted friends, privacy and safety, and DV resources. It produced two first place winners—OnWatch and Circle of 6—and had over 30 entries, many of which are now on the market.

Here are some apps we have learned about that offer resources, safety plans and tips on how to talk to your children:

Aspire News - ASPIRE News is a free application which contains summaries of top stories in world, sports, and entertainment news, from the When Georgia Smiled: Robin McGraw Foundation. If someone is in an abusive relationship, the Help Section of the application contains resources for victims of domestic violence. * We couldn’t get it, but had reports from one client that it never worked well for them.  

SafeNight - SafeNight provides support to people seeking urgent shelter. The support requests come from trained staff and volunteers at domestic violence service organizations, ensuring best practices for the safety of all individuals are followed.

One Love - An anonymous, free application, the One Love MyPlan determines if a relationship is unsafe and helps to create the best action plan by weighing an individual’s unique characteristics and values. In partnership with LoveisRespect.org, the app provides access to trained advocate support 24/7 through an embedded live chat function.

Love is Not Abuse - Launched in August 2011 by Break the Cycle, the Love is Not Abuse app is an educational resource for parents that demonstrates the dangers of digital dating abuse and provides much needed information on the growing problem of teen dating violence and abuse. It also has an interactive tool that simulates digital dating abuse.

VINE (Victim Information & Notification Everyday) - Allows you to search for offenders that are currently incarcerated in the state. The victim can register to be notified when the offender is released and/or about any upcoming court dates for the offender’s case. So, if a client’s abuser was arrested at their home and the victim came in to shelter, she could register through the VINElink website or app and she would receive notification when the abuser posts bail, etc.

Kitestring - It’s a safe call service. Start a trip on Kitestring (either on the website or via SMS), and we’ll text you later to make sure you’re okay. Reply to the message (or check in on the website) within 5 minutes and all is well. If you don’t check in, we’ll alert a list of emergency contacts that you set up ahead of time. Of course, you can always extend your ETA or check in early.

Domestic Violence Doesn't Discriminate

Photo by Gronvik @ sxc.hu

One of the most prevalent myths about domestic violence is that it only happens in poor families and in the inner city. Statistics clearly demonstrate that this isn’t the case at all.

Domestic violence crosses all socio-economic levels and happens in the inner city, the suburbs and in rural areas. There are no boundaries. However, we do have some trends.
· Intimate partner violence affects people regardless of income. However, people with lower annual income (below $25K) are at a 3-times higher risk of intimate partner violence than people with higher annual income (over $50K). Please note that those with less resources are more likely to report incidents of violence.1

· On average between 1993 and 2004, residents of urban areas experienced highest levels of non-fatal intimate partner violence. Residents in suburban and rural areas were equally likely to experience such violence, about 20% less than those in urban areas.1
Our statistics show that 87% of the women in our shelter are at poverty level. We know from our work with our clients that those who come into shelter have fewer resources. Shelter is often the only resource they have available to them.

Research is less available regarding women of higher socio economic status, but we do know that they don’t seem to choose to enter shelter. Perhaps this is due to feelings of shame, lower levels of reporting the abuse, or a wider network of resources available to them.

Even if a woman lived in a middle or upper class home, when she leaves the relationship her socio economic status can change dramatically. She may immediately find herself homeless and penniless.

Clearly, the violence is happening to all economic levels. It is our goal to reach all of those impacted by domestic violence and ensure that they are aware of the resources available to them and have the means to access them.

1 From the Domestic Violence Resource Center: Bureau of Justice Statistics, Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S. 1993-2004, 2006.

End the Silence on Domestic Violence

If you haven’t been watching Dr. Phil (on ABC) the past couple of months you may have missed his very exciting announcement about his partnership with the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) and his new initiative called End the Silence on Domestic Violence. He launched a season long campaign to bring attention to the issue of domestic violence.

His shows have addressed the many aspects of domestic violence: red flags to look for, teen dating violence and the danger when leaving an abusive relationship. His attention to this topic is encouraging and brings much hope to those of us in the field.

It is so helpful to have a national celebrity talking about the issue, bringing it to the forefront and allowing it to be discussed openly. It is a legitimate topic to address and I appreciate his attention.

I am so pleased that Sue Else with NNEDV has partnered with Dr. Phil as she understands this issue like no other. She worked at Hope House for 18 years and is always bringing the issue to the forefront. Her efforts in this are greatly appreciated.

Many lives will be impacted by the discussions that have taken place and will take place over the course of the season. It is so helpful to have those with such a large audience talking about the issue, raising the awareness and directing people to the available resources.

Hope House will be here offering the services to those in need and helping Dr. Phil and NNEDV end the silence. For more information on Dr. Phil’s efforts, visit his website. For Hope House resources, please visit hopehouse.net.

IT’S UNITED WAY TIME

United Way kicked off its fundraising campaign on September 8 at the Westin Crown Center. It is now campaign time for companies and partnering United Way agencies. UW is working hard to make sure that agencies have the resources available to provide the critical services being offered in our area. Hope House is proud to be a partner agency with United Way and will work hard to ensure that the campaign is successful.

Hope House receives approximately 6% of our budget from United Way. This is through the allocation process and from those donors that designate their giving to our agency. It is imperative that the campaign is successful so that agencies like Hope House can continue to receive the crucial funding for our programs.

United Way has gone through many changes over the past couple of years and is truly committed to making change happen in our community. The changes have been positive and thoughtful and will positively impact our community.

If you work for a company that does a United Way campaign, congratulations - you are making a difference. If you are not, please consider starting a workplace campaign.  United Way makes it easy, and agencies like Hope House are available to visit your workplace and present information about our programs and what being a partner with United Way means for our agency. 

Teen Dating Violence

Our guest blogger this week is one of Hope House's Children's Therapist, Thada Pulliam, MA, LPC, NBCC

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Over the past several years in working at Hope House, I have had the opportunity to make presentations in local high schools on the topic of Teen Dating Violence. During these presentations, teens would often ask questions. Those questions offer some clues as to the on-going issue of teen dating violence, presenting a sad picture of teens today and their understanding of a healthy partner relationship. The following are a few questions they typically ask and my reply.

Q. He only hit me once and promised to never do it again. Can I believe him?
A. Chances are that he will hurt again. If a person used a physical means to release anger onto a person, that is probably a behavior used before and has become a habit.

Q. My boyfriend is under a lot of stress. Is this why he hits me?
A. Stress is not the cause of abuse. It is an excuse, as are other reasons abusers give for their own actions. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and can never blame their actions on someone else.

Q. My boyfriend puts me down a lot, but he never hits me.
A. The teasing and negative remarks can be just as damaging as the physical assaults. He is still controlling through words or looks. If you are feeling embarrassed, hurt, humiliated, or inadequate due to his remarks, this is abuse.

Sometimes a teen (or a concerned parent) will seek a one-on-one session with me to discuss their situation. Melinda* was 17 and was dating Zac*, who was 20. Zac had bruised Melinda’s arms but she related the incident as if it were an accident and said that Zac did not mean to hurt her, but he had become angry with her. Melinda accepted full responsibility for her bruises as if she had inflicted them upon herself.

In subsequent sessions Melinda was able to identify several incidents which would suggest Zac had characteristics of an abusive personality, including controlling all their decisions, expecting sex whenever he wanted it, and refusing to let her spend time with her family or friends. Melinda minimized his behavior by saying that he loved her and that he was frequently in a foul mood due to his family issues.

When Melinda became pregnant, Zac was angry and blamed her. This interaction helped Melinda understand that her love for him was not mutual and that he was not good for her long-term. With the positive support of her parents, Melinda began to see the good in herself and came to believe that she deserved someone better.

If your teen is finding themselves in a similar situation, there are many resources available.

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474
Hope House Hotline: 816-461-HOPE (4673)
Hope House Website: www.hopehouse.net
Teen websites: www.loveisrespect.org and www.loveisnotabuse.com