Friday, July 26, 2013

Dealing with Domestic Violence by Pam Walden

What confusion! Dealing with domestic violence isn’t as simple as it sounds. One would think that it depends upon how severe the incident was. No. There are so many factors: length of relationship, depth of abuse, children, seriousness of relationship, length/time of abuse, pattern of abuse, support/knowledge of family and friends…. I know that getting outside of one’s self and realizing this is a LONG process is the key: faith, family, focus, friends, and facts.

Faith. While my husband’s decay occurred, through the abuse, my faith was strong, although shaken. I had so many “miracles” during his attempt to murder me that I can’t go into all of them here. One of the biggest is that I had two witnesses when I lived on acreage on a Friday afternoon at 3pm. Another neighbor family across the street helped me who should NOT have been home.

Family. My family, who stood by from a distance not knowing everything, came through when it counted most—after he burned down my home. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. Family, that I don’t want to burden because they hurt so much with what I went through, did what they could—getting me a birth certificate, putting me up, cleaning the damaged cars.

Focus. After spending 11 months inventorying and dealing with my home being demolished, the divorce proceedings and more, I know that focusing on a job helped me. And I have even been able to help others. It is amazing how abused women “fall” into my path. I have told many of them about Hope House and their programs.

Friends. Well, you don’t know who is really a friend until devastation occurs. One friend offered to put my son and I up for as long as needed—including the burnt junk that I couldn’t part with yet. Another two friends drove me around since I could hardly walk and others gave me showers to replace some of the things I’d lost. Homeschoolers stepped up. Even strangers gave clothes, some money, cards.

Facts. It wasn’t my fault. I did nothing to deserve it. I am right in divorcing him.My conceal and carry is for a REAL not contrived future of protection. I can make it without him. I am worth loving. I AM surviving—no, thriving, even though it is a long, difficult journey making a new path totally unfamiliar to me. Now I have had to enter the “Safe At Home” program so my address is protected. This is not an easy journey so I take it one day at a time and enjoy what I can.
My true desire is that other women will learn from my story and know they can go on.

Pam Walden

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