Happy New Year

We look forward to the new opportunities that await us in this coming year. I always start the new year with hope and anticipation of things to come, and this year is no exception.

We are doing amazing things at Hope House. I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to work with so many fantastic people and to help our clients transform their lives.

I continue to be in awe of the strength of those who have been affected by domestic violence and their perseverance to not only survive, but to thrive.

We have had an eventful year and I know the upcoming year will hold many surprises and wonderful new things for all of us.

I wish you all a Happy New Year filled with many blessings!

Life After Shelter

Picture by Jonathan D.Bloom at Flickr.com

I am often asked how we help people once they move out of our shelter.

That answer will depend on what level of involvement a client wants to have with us and what needs she has. We will continue to work with clients as long as they want to receive our support and services.

Any client leaving our shelter can access our outreach therapy services, both group and individual for both herself and her children. We are able to offer our Transitional Housing program to some of our clients, which is extremely helpful for those who are facing obstacles related to employment and housing.

If a client is struggling and needs temporary assistance with food, clothing or other necessities, we can help with that as well, and hopefully prevent a crisis from occurring.

We can assist clients leaving shelter with items that will help them set up their new homes. We are fortunate to have a caring community that blesses us with donations of furniture and household items.

We will work with clients on an individual basis and try to assist them with whatever their needs are. If we are not able to help them, we will work to find someone that can. We are known for being creative and figuring out solutions to the problems presented.

One of the most heart-warming things we can do for our clients is the Holiday Store. Moms and kids get to shop for holiday gifts for each other, and it’s free because our community has donated all the gifts.

The kids are thrilled when they get to choose something nice for their moms. And the moms are usually in tears, knowing that their kids might not have had a Christmas without the Holiday Store.

If you’d like to help us help our clients have a brighter holiday, please see our Holiday Store wish list. We are especially in need of gifts for teens and moms. Our store opens this weekend, so we’re ready to start stocking the shelves. 

Thank you for caring about these woman and children that you’ll never meet. Especially at the holidays, you make all the difference in their lives.

Pre/Postnatal Support Group

Today’s guest blogger is Tracy Pickering, Prevention Specialist for Hope House.

Research has shown that women in domestic violence relationships are 25% more likely to experience postpartum depression, increasing to 60% if the woman is in shelter. 

Birth Trauma
One of the newer areas of treatment of postpartum depression is birth trauma. Birth trauma is post-traumatic stress that occurs following the birth of a baby. It can be the result of:

• a history of domestic or sexual violence
• non-consensual or forced pregnancy
• having the abusive partner in the delivery room

The symptoms resemble other types of post-traumatic stress including:

• nightmares
• flashbacks of the birth
• detachment from the baby

In one case, a mom reported having flashbacks of sexual abuse she experienced as a child every time she looked at her baby. I have had several women report being so depressed after the birth of their baby that they thought about killing themselves and their child.

Pre/Postnatal Support Group Formed
In light of this, Hope House started a pre/postnatal support group. We’ve found that the support the clients receive from each other is the most important element. The group offers an opportunity for the women to honestly discuss their feelings about their pregnancy and not feel judged. They seem amazed that other women have the same feelings.

The group offers a supportive environment to discuss the pros/cons of keeping the child, or offering the baby for adoption, without any judgment or guilt.

The clients can discuss their fear of how they will take care of a baby when they don’t have finances to support the children they already have, embarrassment that they are having another child in the circumstances they are in, and their confusion about how the abusive partner will fit into their child’s life.

It is a powerful experience to see the women start to embrace the pregnancy instead of trying to run from it. It is highly important that moms resolve these issues before the birth so that they can be present and focused on the baby, creating the safest, most bonded environment possible.  

Happy Thanksgiving

Photo by Jenny Steffens Hobick @
http://jennysteffens.blogspot.com/.

It is that time of year when we stop to give thanks for all of our many blessings. We at Hope House are extremely blessed.

We are blessed to be a part of this wonderful community; a caring community that reaches out to us in so many ways. People are amazing in how creative they are in helping us with our many needs!

Here are a few examples of things that people have done for us in the past that may give you a great idea for how your family, office or church can get involved with Hope House:

- Invite your neighbors over and ask them to bring a new, unwrapped gift for our holiday store. In return, they get hot chocolate and cookies made by your kids.

- Teach a Girl Scouts group how to crochet and have them create tiny blankets for our newborns.

- Hold a wiffle ball tournament with a percent of entry fees coming to Hope House. Get your kids’ schoolmates involved.

Did this list get you thinking creatively? If so, contact our Volunteer Manager, Gretchen, at 816-257-9342 or gschmitz@hopehouse.net to discuss the details.

We thank you for your support and for thinking of us throughout the year. We couldn’t do the work we do without the involvement of our community. We are grateful to everyone who has touched our lives as we work to break the cycle of domestic violence.

We wish everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving.

The Penn State Scandal

Jerry Sandusky photo by AP.

This past week I have been following the news from Penn State and learning about the alleged horrendous abuse that occurred over many years to innocent young children.

I understand that Jerry Sandusky has claimed his innocence of these allegations; however, I read in horror that many people knew about “suspicious” activity occurring but they never followed through or did anything to investigate.  

It is so familiar to hear people respond by saying, “He was a coach and founder of a children’s charity. How could he do this? How could he be a well-respected member of the community and a sexual predator of young children at the same time?”  

In Mr. Sandusky's case a court of law will determine his guilt or innocence, but every day there are those that appear to be model citizens who torture and abuse innocent victims behind closed doors. It is unimaginable to think they could be a coach, a minister, or a judge. It goes against our way of thinking that people can perpetrate such hideous crimes against others, especially children.

We see victims of domestic violence every day who have struggled alone in silence because they didn’t think anyone would believe that their abuser, a respected upstanding citizen, could also be a torturer at home. I heard the same thing reportedly said by those young boys: they didn’t feel they could say anything because no one would believe them or care.

Unfortunately, in this situation, it certainly appears those were valid concerns. People did see the abuse happening, reported it and nothing happened. How can any child feel that they should continue to report? 

What threats are made to hold them hostage in the vicious cycle of abuse?  There are so many similarities to how domestic violence and child abuse occur: trapping victims and perpetuating the belief that they are alone, no one cares, and nothing can be done to stop it.

My heart goes out to all those who have experienced abuse by someone they love or trust. I am sickened that it took so long for this to come to light. How many victims could have been saved endless torture and years of recovery had someone stepped in to help them?

We must all speak up when we see someone being abused; we may be their only hope. We must stop the abuse that is happening in our society before another innocent person becomes a victim. 

Judge Beats Daughter With a Belt

I was horrified at the video released by Hillary Adams that showed her father, Judge William Adams, beating her with a belt and cursing at her extensively. WARNING: this video is extremely graphic and very difficult to watch.

Her mother, Hallie, is also seen hitting Hillary with a belt and yelling at her. Many of the videos’ commenters ask what would possess a mother to allow this to happen, and worse, participate in the cruelty?

Hallie reports that she was also a victim of domestic violence, was brainwashed and had to do everything her husband said.  Is it possible that Hallie participated to the extent that she did to try to keep her daughter safe?

My first thought when I saw Hallie in the video was that she is a battered woman and is doing this to protect her child. If she can make her husband think she agrees with him, then she might be able to calm him down. If she participates and hits Hillary with the belt herself, then maybe he will stop. Pure speculation on my part, but something I’d like you to consider.

Many say if abuse is going on in the home, the mother should leave.  In this situation, Judge Adams is a Family Court Judge; he makes decisions every day on who gets to keep their kids and who doesn’t! It’s quite possible Hallie felt that if she left her husband, she would lose custody of Hillary. What are the chances Hallie would have retained custody? 

Wasn’t Hillary better off with Hallie in the home acting as a mediator and working to protect Hillary from her father? What if Hallie did leave and lost custody? Hillary would have been in the home alone with her father, with no mother to help protect her. As counter intuitive as it sounds, sometimes staying is the safer option.  

I am not suggesting that exposing children to child abuse is a good thing.  I am only pointing out how difficult the choices are that a mother often has to make. Most of the mothers I have worked with care more about their children than themselves.
I am not defending Hallie’s actions; I’m just trying to make everyone look at the situation from another point of view. Let’s remember that the monster in this story is Judge Adams, not his battered wife.  

The $10,000,000 Wedding That Lasted 72 Days



Photo by wakeywakeynews.com

I must admit that I do watch some reality TV but I have not been a follower of the Kardashian Family… that is until recently.

It’s hard not to know what is going on with this family since the big wedding and now the big divorce.  The family is everywhere. I‘m perplexed by the interest in them and their never-ending adventures.

But now, I’m so angry that I have found myself watching and listening when the media reports the Kardashian’s newest drama. I don’t know why I do this since it raises my blood pressure and causes me to use words that are highly inappropriate!

Why am I angry?

Because these people waste money just because they can. I am sickened by the fact that 10 MILLION DOLLARS was spent on one wedding. REALLY?! What does someone need to have at a wedding that costs $10,000,000?

I understand that people have different standards than I do, but again I say: REALLY?! You must spend that type of money?

Since the big wedding I have been spouting off to anyone around me who will listen about this outrageous spending. And now that the marriage lasted a whopping 72 days, I am even more livid!

What does their spending have to do with me?
Do you know what $10,000,000 could do for non-profit organizations? I cringe when I think about how many lives could have been saved if that money had been donated to the domestic violence programs across this country.  Hope House alone serves over 10,000 people every year through our programming. How many more could we serve and assist with $10,000,000, or even $1,000,000? 

Lives are at stake every day in the work we do. We scramble for every penny we get, and yet the Kardashian’s reality is so different from ours that they can throw away millions of dollars for a party. That is just plain wrong and it is shameful.

I am so grateful for all of the supporters that we have. Sometimes they don’t have much themselves, yet they consider others and their needs. They are helping us to break the cycle of violence every day.

I can only hope that someday Kim Kardashian and others who have so much will look at the resources available to them and say, “You know what? I have enough. Instead of throwing this money down the drain, I am going to donate it to a worthwhile charity.” 

Until then, I am afraid those around me will continue to hear me rant.